Dear Doc: Pregnant after wife swapping
Q. My wife and I have enjoyed a pretty happy sexual relationship with another couple for around five years. Neither of us have children.
But now there is trouble. Last month, my wife forgot to take her Pill for three or four days, and now she is pregnant. Of course, we do not know who the father is.
As far as we can remember, I had sex with her on the night that she missed the first pill. And the other man had sex with her on the day that she missed the last Pill.
From this information, can you tell me which one of us is the father?
A. No, I am afraid I cannot. Forgive my saying so, but your story does illustrate the point that I have made before in this column: 'wife-swapping' is dangerous.
It does make me wonder why your wife suddenly forgot several pills. Did she perhaps have some secret desire to get pregnant - either by you or by the other man?
Regardless of that, there is no way of determining who the father is until the child is born. After that, it will be possible to do DNA testing.
I hope you are successful in sorting out what is clearly a very difficult situation.
Multiple female orgasms
Q. Hello, Doc. I would like you to give me some good advice about 'multiple female orgasms'.
I am a married woman with two children, ages four and six. I have always thought that I had a very good sex life with my husband. When we first got together, I could not orgasm. But now I do it almost every time.
I thought that my husband was pretty satisfied with our lovelife, however, recently he has been talking a lot about 'multiple orgasms'. And he keeps asking me why I do not have them!
He says that before we got married, he had numerous girlfriends, and he claims that 'nearly all of them' had multiple orgasms.
Can this be true, Doc? And is there any chance at all that I could achieve these 'multiple orgasms?'
AIt seems to me like the important thing here is, do you actually want to have multiple orgasms? Or would you be doing them just to please your husband?
I am not at all sure that a woman should be trying to have multiple orgasms just for the amusement of her spouse! Also, the fact is that after just one orgasm, quite a lot of women are tired and don't really wish to do any more.
However, many other wives do love the idea of being what is termed 'multi-orgasmic'. And if that is what you'd like to be, then fair enough! So I will try and give you some useful advice.
Until a generation ago, many doctors and sex educators thought that most women could not be multiorgasmic. But recent research in England suggests that, under the right circumstances, most women can do it - especially if they have a partner whom they love and trust. The ability to have multiple orgasms seems to increase with age, and is much more common with women who are in there 40s than those in their 20s.
But what are 'the right circumstances' for multiple orgasm? They are as follows:
- The woman needs to be relaxed and happy.
- The environment should be comfortable and romantic.
- Most important, the man should know how to make a woman orgasm.
Sadly, even today, there are many men who really have no idea how to make a woman climax. They think that if they just keep on having intercourse, that should be enough. It isn't.
The actual truth (which every married man should know) is that if you want your wife to have more than one orgasm, it is up to you to stimulate her clitoris. The clitoral area is the most sensitive zone on the female body. No other anatomical structure produces climaxes.
So I feel that you should now sit down and talk to your husband. Tell him that if he really wants you to have multiple orgasms, then the answer lies in his own hands.
Could I get an STI from a 'hand' job
Q. I am an unmarried 30-year-old man. Last month, I went on a business trip to London, England, and on my last evening there, some English pals took me to what they called a 'massage parlour.'
Doc, I am rather ashamed to admit to what happened there. This beautiful woman gave me a 'hand job.'
What I am worrying about now is whether I could have picked up any kind of sex infection. Can you please advise?
A. Seems like you did not have oral sex (or indeed 'full' sex) with this young woman. Therefore, you are in no danger of a sexually-transmitted infection.
Except in the most extraordinary circumstances, contact with the hand cannot pass on any kind of sexually transmitted disease. So stop worrying.
What is this 'lump' in my cervix?
Q. Doctor, I recently got married to a man whom I love very much. But sexually, things are still rather 'tight.'
So I tried to get some help from the Internet. And I found an American site with advise on what they called 'self-examination in order to relax.'
I did this last night, although I found it difficult. But I was horrified to find that when I put my finger inside, there was some big, soft lump. It was about as far as I could reach.
Do you think it is some kind of cancer, Doc?
A. Well, a lot of experts in the field of sexual medicine do say that 'self-examination' is a good way of learning to relax the vagina and the muscles around it.
I am sorry that you got a shock when you found this 'big, soft lump' at the far end of your vagina. But I am sure that this was just your cervix. Quite a few women get surprised when they first feel the soft 'nose-like' projection of the cervix.
I suggest that you now you go to an understanding and experienced doctor, and get her to examine you. She will confirm for you that this lump is indeed just the cervix. And she can show you ways in which you can relax the entire pelvic area, so that you will be able to really enjoy sex with your husband.
Side effects of Mirena
Q. I have very heavy menses, which makes sex with my boyfriend impossible for much of the month. My doctor has suggested that I agree to one of those Mirena coil things.
But my best friend says that a coil makes periods heavier. So what should I do, Doc?
A. Your friend is partly correct. The ordinary coil (the 'loop') does usually make the menses heavier and longer.
But the Mirena 'intra-uterine system' (IUS) is different, because it contains a special hormone. The effect of that is to lessen the volume of blood loss, and often shorten the period as well. Also, period pain may be reduced.
Please note that it may be several months before you see these good effects.