Tue | Sep 25, 2018

Doctor's Advice: He slept with his secretary

Published:Sunday | June 7, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q: Doctor, my husband has confessed that he slept with his secretary. I am very distraught about this. We have loved each other for 15 years and I cannot understand why he has done such a shocking thing.

I can see that his secretary is very elegant and beautiful, but I am quite good-looking as well!

I never thought he would be unfaithful, until he came home last month and confessed. He was in tears and begged me to forgive him. He said that he loves only me and that she meant nothing to him.

What happened was that he took her with him to a big convention. They were away for two nights, and on the second night, the conference dinner for all the delegates was cancelled. They ended up having dinner in a very intimate restaurant and both had a little too much wine - or so he says - and he ended up in her bed.

He said as soon as it was over, he realised what he had done and deeply regrets it.

Apparently, he went back to his room where he had a shower in order to try to prevent infection, he says.

As soon as they got back home, the secretary resigned, and he has not seen her again and he doesn't wish to contact her.

What am I to do, Doc? He has been begging me to give him another chance. I am not sure that I should.

I have not allowed him to have sex with me since his confession, because I fear that he might give me an infection. What do you think, Doc? Is there a real risk that he might give me some sexual bug?

A: This is a very sad story, but it is quite a common one. Regrettably, many businessmen all over the world tend to think that, if they go away to a conference or a convention, it is okay to cheat on their wives. Some (but not all) do believe that if they are a thousand miles from home, the normal rules of matrimonial fidelity do not apply.

But what I have noticed from your letter is that you and your husband appear to really love each other. Also, he told you of his own free will about his infidelity - presumably because he felt so guilty. I hope that he is genuinely repentant.

Now, I am here to give medical advice - not moral advice. But from past experience with these situations, I can tell you that it is quite common for a husband to stray from the path of virtue just once - and then to be completely faithful from then on. So I feel that you should definitely consider forgiving him, provided you are sure that he really is contrite.

However, from my medical point of view, what really concerns me is the point you raise about sexual infection. Even the most 'elegant' of secretaries could be carrying the germ chlamydia - or something worse, perhaps.

Furthermore, although your husband's intimate contact with this woman was brief, it was certainly long enough for germs to pass from her to him. Having a shower afterwards would not help!

So I guess you are quite right to have refused to have sex with him after his fling. I feel you should now insist that he goes to a doctor to have a check-up for STIs, particularly chlamydia. (He should take a specimen of urine with him.)

Only when you are sure that his tests are negative should you consider resuming sexual relations with him.

The next few months are not going to be easy, as you try to come to terms with this new situation. If in doubt, seek the advice of a minister of religion or a good marriage therapist, who can guide both of you through what is a pretty difficult situation.


Where is my semen going?

Q: Doc, I am a 40-year-old man, but something really strange is happening to my sex life. For the last three months, when I climax, I have been unable to produce any semen.

But shortly after I have intercourse with my wife, I find that my urine has turned fairly white - or at least creamy! This is frightening, Doc. So what is going on?

A:You have a condition called retrograde ejaculation. What this means is that the seminal fluid has lost its way inside you. Instead of coming out of the penis, it is going backwards into the bladder.

So, when you go to the bathroom, it is coming out in your urine, thus giving it a cloudy or rather creamy colour.

Now, why do you have retrograde ejaculation? There are several possible causes:

• Previous prostate surgery,

• Nerve damage in the bladder area,

• A side effect of medication.

My advice? Go and see a urologist and let him sort it out. Good luck.


Pill puzzle

Q: I am 29 and having fantastic sex with a new man. I want to go on the Pill for the first time in my life, but Doc, my menses are irregular and I do not know when to start taking it.

A: You should just start taking it on the first day of your next period. If you do that, you will be protected immediately.


She bit me!

Q: Doc, last week I was given oral sex by a girl who was mad with me because I would not marry her.

I am very embarrassed to tell you this, but she bit me very hard. I screamed in pain and she ran off leaving me bleeding and in agony on the floor!

Doctor, what must I do? I have stopped bleeding, but my penis is very sore.

A: I'm sure it is. Bites to the penis are very dangerous, especially if they get infected. They can even lead to loss of the organ.

So you need treatment - fast. See a doctor or go to the hospital. If there is going to be any delay in getting there, you should bathe your penis with some mild skin antiseptic such as Dettol Antiseptic Liquid. I wish you well.


Do I have the clap?

Q: I am a wife, who, unfortunately, just had an affair. What are the symptoms of gonorrhoea, Doctor?

A: Unfortunately, gonorrhoea ('the clap') often produces no symptoms at all in women. However, some patients do get a vaginal discharge, or pain when they urinate.

Because the infection so frequently causes no symptoms in women, the best rule is this: If you have taken a chance, always get a check-up from a doctor. This must include swabs for gonorrhoea, which should be sent to the lab for examination.


When is it okay?

Q: I have to take a circumcision operation. How soon afterwards would I be able to have sex, Doc?

A: No intercourse for about six weeks. And when you restart, use some lubricant because you may still be a little sore.