Doctor's Advice: No kissing after oral sex
Q: Good day, Doc. I just got married for the second time and, to my delight, my new husband has turned out to be fantastic in bed! In fact, Doctor, he has actually made me orgasm for the first time in my life! Now I can do it whenever I want to.
The way in which he has achieved this is by introducing me to cunnilingus. No man had ever done this to me before, but it certainly works. In fact, in the last few weeks, I have actually had 'multi-orgasms'.
So I am very happy. I love him, and he assures me that he will love me forever.
But I have one big problem. This may sound crazy to you, but I really hate it when he kisses me on the mouth after he has done cunnilingus. I just find the taste and the smell so disgusting.
He is not aware of this. What can I do?
A: In fact, this is quite a common problem. By nature, most women don't really like the taste and smell of the vagina. Some do not mind it (and many lesbians actually enjoy it).
But the average woman is not very keen on being kissed on the lips by a man after he has performed oral sex on her.
This difficulty is so widespread that experts have actually come up with a way of defeating it.
But before I explain, can I just tell you that the first thing that you really must do is to talk to your new husband about your feelings?
It is not good to keep this sort of distress bottled up. He sounds like a good guy, and I am sure he will be understanding when you tell him about your reaction to this smell and taste.
He might actually be willing to do what many husbands do after cunnilingus - simply wash out his mouth before kissing you on the lips!
Alternatively, he can also use a device called a 'dental dam.'This is a little rectangular sheet of latex (often very brightly coloured). The idea is that you put it over the vulva (the opening of the vagina) before oral sex.
That keeps the man from getting vaginal secretion on his lips, tongue or even moustache. So when he kisses his partner afterwards, he should, in theory, be odour-free.
You can look up 'dental dams' on Google and you will see that they are often used to try to prevent sexually transmitted infections. There are thousands of websites that sell them. And sometimes you can find them in pharmacies.
But undoubtedly the most important thing now is for the two of you to start talking about this delicate problem. I wish you both good luck with your marriage.
What is flibanserin?
Q: Doc, my wife has lost interest in having sex with me. This is very upsetting. I feel spurned and rejected.
I have heard that there is a new miracle drug called flibanserin. They say it makes women ragingly hot for sex.
Where could I get it?
A: Well, flibanserin is not a miracle drug. But the manufacturers are promoting it as a remedy for female sexual dysfunction.
It was invented some years ago as an antidepressant. It was later claimed that the drug would help women with so-called hypoactive sexual desire disorder. It is said that it does this through the effects it has on the brain.
I should warn you that the world's leading authority on medications, which is the American Food and Drug Administration (FDA), has repeatedly refused to license flibanserin. However, in the last few weeks, a committee of the FDA has given the medication limited approval.
But at the moment, I doubt if you will find a doctor in Jamaica who is willing to prescribe it. It is possible to buy flibanserin via the Internet, but I really would not recommend that course because of the risk of the side effects your wife may get.
In general, when a woman loses her sexual desire for her partner, the best thing the couple can do is to go to an expert for sexual counselling.
Which contraceptive to use?
Q: At the age of 32, I am just about to begin what I hope will be a long-term relationship with a wonderful man.
But which contraceptive would be best for me, Doc?
A: There is no actual 'best'. It is a question of picking a method that suits you.
At 32, most women go for the ordinary Pill (the 'combined Pill'). But a substantial minority go for one of these:
• The Mini-Pill;
• The IUD (coil);
• The IUS (or 'medicated coil');
• The Shot;
• The implant.
There are other methods that are used, but a lot of couples simply rely on the condom.
Q: I am a 30-year-old diabetic male and my foreskin has become very crusty and sore, making sex extremely difficult.
Doc, why has this happened to me?
A: Almost certainly because you have been passing 'sugar' in your urine. That makes your foreskin a sort of attractive tourist destination for microbes - particularly yeasts.
Please see your own doctor right away. I expect that he will prescribe a full course of anti-yeast medication for you. But if that doesn't help, then you might have to consider taking a circumcision operation.
He is too hard
Q: I have a new boyfriend who thrusts real deeply inside of me when we are having sex. This is ok, but his most extreme thrusts cause me a jabbing pain, located far inside.
Any ideas, Doc?
A: My best guess is that you have some problem with your cervix, or an organ near to it. The cervix is the part of the female body which is hit by the tip of the penis during deep thrusting.
What you must do urgently is to go and see a doctor. She will examine you internally and she will be able to get a good view of your cervix.
After that, she will be able to advise you as to the best course of action. I am sure everything will be ok.
Why the lubricant?
Q: I am a 25-year-old man and I have just started an affair with an older woman. To my surprise, sex with her is great, Doc.
But I notice that she always insists on inserting lots of some kind of 'lubricant' just before we have intercourse. I feel that this is a bit of an insult to me! Seems like she is suggesting that sex with me isn't good enough, without the aid of this stuff.
A: Relax! This isn't an 'insult' to you. Many women who are of a 'certain age' use sex lubricants in order to protect their delicate tissues against vigorous thrusting. In fact, quite a few younger women use 'lubes' nowadays.
Couples of all ages find that lubrication enhances sexual intercourse, so you have no need to worry.
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