Tue | Jan 22, 2019

Should I tell him I cheated?

Published:Sunday | September 20, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q Twenty years ago, I was unfaithful to my husband, with a tourist from the United States of America. It just happened once. He only 'lasted' about 30 seconds.

Fortunately, I did not become pregnant. My husband has no idea this happened, but my conscience is troubling me, doctor. I lie awake at night, thinking about what happened.

Do you think I should tell my spouse? Would I feel better? And could the shock harm his health? He has high blood pressure.

APeople often want to 'make a clean break of it' to their partners. Sometimes this does make them feel better. But, very often, it leaves their partner hurt and upset.

I have known cases where a wife 'confessed all' to her husband and he promptly left. But, more commonly, the husband becomes angry, bitter or depressed. One patient lost his nature and was unable to have sex with his wife again.

So beware of telling your husband about this silly 30-second episode as it might be disastrous. The only person who might feel better is you. There is no way that this revelation is going to do your husband any good. But I doubt that it would harm his blood pressure.

Obviously, you are feeling a need to tell someone about what you did, all those years ago. Well, you have made a start by telling me. But what you really need to do is talk to someone face-to-face. Preferably, you should have several such meetings with that person, over a period - maybe over a few months.

Naturally, you must pick someone whom you trust totally - a person who will never betray your secret. Possible candidates would be a minister of religion, a nurse, a midwife, a teacher, a counsellor or a therapist. I feel you should pick someone who is known to be kind and sympathetic, not someone likely to be severely condemnatory.

Of course, what you did with the American tourist was wrong. But it was a mere 30 seconds in a life that has otherwise been sexually blameless. I wish you well.

She wants to perform virility test

Q Hi, doctor. I am a single man, and I have recently met the most attractive widow in Portland, who says that she wants to test my virility. We are having sex, by the way.

When I asked her what she meant, she replied that there is an old Jamaican way of assessing a man's manliness. Apparently, she wants us to have sex while she is sitting on top of me, and facing me. She states that she can then lean backwards until her head touches the bed, between my feet!

She says that if a man can keep his erection in that position, then he is truly virile.

But I am not so sure about doing this, doctor. Would there be any risk to my health?

A I have heard before of this so-called 'virility test'. I would strongly urge men to have nothing to do with it!

The position which she has suggested to you will inevitably put enormous strain on the penis and on the ligament which supports it. In fact, this posture is one of those in which there is a risk of penile fracture also known as 'broken penis syndrome'. That is a catastrophe, in which the blood vessels inside the organ suddenly breaks, usually with quite a loud 'crack'. It is painful, and difficult to treat.

Furthermore, this woman's plan is not in any sense a 'test of virility'. It is just a test of how much strain the penis can take. Please do not risk it.

She's too wet in bed

QI am a 42-year-old woman who has been experiencing some extremely wet episodes in bed, when sexually excited. That doesn't sound serious, but in fact I produce so much liquid that I am like a 'swimming pool' when my husband enters me. It is not urine.

This is awful for him, as he just can't get the same sort of pleasure he is used to. And I don't enjoy it either. I went to a gynaecologist but he says I am perfectly normal, and that I don't have an infection. Please tell me what I can do to restore our sex life.

A Sorry to hear about this. Recently I have heard about women who suddenly start producing vast amounts of sex-fluid, for no apparent reason. If you can afford it, do a blood test to see if anything is wrong with your hormones.

Also, under your doctor's supervision, try a drug that dries up bodily fluids such as medications which are used to treat runny noses. These include:

- Pseudo-ephedrine;

- Oxymetazoline;

- Xylometazoline.

But if these drugs don't work, I would suggest a simple practical measure. Shortly before intercourse, insert a good brand of tampon into the vagina. Push it to the top.

During sex, it should absorb a good deal of your fluid. However, don't forget to take it out afterwards.

Please let me know the results.

Multiple orgasms a sign of infidelity?

QMy wife, who is 34, has suddenly started having massive, multiple climaxes for the first time in her life. Doctor, do you think this is an indication she has been unfaithful to me?

ANo, I certainly do not. Many women in their 30s become much more 'sexy', and likely to have multiple orgasms.

You do not have the slightest evidence that your wife is cheating!

Husband still shy about sex

Q I am 58, and my husband is 56. He is a wonderful person, and treats me well.

My concern is that he is very 'reserved' when it comes to making love. So most times, I am the one who has to initiate sex. However, when we actually start, it goes very well.

Sometimes I wonder if he doesn't like it as often these days. We have sex around once per week.

AWell, statistics show that is pretty good for a couple in their 50s. I think you should just accept that some men are very reserved, or even shy, about sex. That's how it is with them.

It is quite OK that you are the one who usually initiates sex. This is what happens in quite a few marriages.

Is a contraceptive skin patch OK?

QMy doctor suggested I use a contraceptive in the form of a 'skin patch'. But would it work OK?

A Yes, it would. The skin patch, known as Evra, is like a version of the Pill. But you absorb it through your skin.

Please note, however, because it contains Pill-type hormones, it can cause the same side-effects as the Pill notably thrombosis (clotting).

Am I too old to conceive?

Q Doctor, I'm a virile man at 67. I have just married a lovely little woman of 25.

Would I be right in assuming that my sperms are too old to make her conceive a baby?

ANo. You would be quite wrong. Men can become fathers until very late in life.