Sun | Jan 20, 2019

Dear Doctor: I kissed another woman

Published:Sunday | January 31, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q I am a wife and mother, and I have an extraordinary admission to make to you.

I have a female acquaintance, who is very attractive and sophisticated, with a 'high-powered' job. Our paths cross from time to time, particularly in connection with charity work. I like her and admire her. She is always beautifully dresses with perfect make-up. She is just so elegant.

Well, recently we were both at a charity function, and I must confess that I had a glass or two of wine. After everyone had left, the two of us were clearing up. She turned to me and said; 'You know, I really am so grateful to you for your help.' Then to my astonishment, she leant forward and kissed me on the lips.

I did not resist. The kiss lasted about five to 10 seconds, and then I retreated across the room. She smiled, and then carried on with clearing away the stuff. I left, and went home, waving her good night. I did not tell my husband what happened.

But the thing I have to admit to you is this doctor - I actually enjoyed the experience. In other words, I liked it when she kissed me. My heart was thumping, and I got a strange, excited feeling in my breasts.

All this has disturbed me a great deal. So I would like your fatherly advice on several matters.

First, is this woman a lesbian? Second, am I a lesbian, because of the way that I responded when she kissed me? Third, should I tell my husband about this? And finally, should I talk to her about what happened between us?

A Well, these things do happen sometimes between women. Please remember that women are generally very tactile - they tend to like touching other folks, or even hugging and kissing them. Admittedly, kissing another woman on the lips is taking things a stage further.

So let me try to answer your four questions.

1. There is no real evidence that this 'elegant woman' is a lesbian, though it is clear that she has some lesbian tendencies. Maybe she is what they call a 'lipstick lesbian' which generally means a gay woman who is keen on traditionally feminine things, like beautiful clothes and make-up.

2. I don't see the slightest evidence that you are a lesbian. You got a little excited when this beautiful woman kissed you, but that doesn't make you gay.

3. No, I don't feel that you need tell your husband about this matter. Doing so might stir up all sorts of emotions in him. There is a danger that he might get very mad.

4. Finally, you ask me whether you should talk to her about what happened. Well, my advice is 'no.'

I say this because you are apparently a happily married mother, with children. I feel it would not be wise to do anything which might affect your marriage, or cause harm to your family.

And if you start talking to this woman about that kiss, and about your emotions, then there is a chance that you will be drawn further into physical closeness and touching. In short, one thing may lead to another.

I would give you some different advice if I thought that you were really a lesbian, and that there was some good reason to leave your husband. But under current circumstances, I suggest that you try to stay away from your sexy acquaintance. Do not get yourself trapped alone in the same room with her, especially when you have been drinking.

Not enough sperm?

Q I am extremely concerned about the amount of sperms I ejaculate. I am sure that when I was young I used to produce about a cupful each time.

But now I am 34, and I really don't think I ejaculate more than a teaspoon even when I am with the most exciting woman I know.

Do I need hormone treatment, or what?

AI don't think you realise that it is normal for men to produce a little less semen as the years go by.

When a man is a teenager, he usually secretes large amounts of fluid. Your recollection that you used to produce 'a cupful' must be wrong. I have never encountered any patient who generated that amount of liquid.

In reality, a 2010 study by the World Health Organisation (WHO) found that worldwide, men may ejaculate anything between 0.8 cc and 7.6 cc. The report stated ' the average is between 3 cc and 5 cc'.

I would expect a man of your age, to produce around 4 cc which is considerably less than a teaspoon. So it sounds like you are doing pretty good.

No, you don't need hormone treatment. That would be absolutely pointless. And it wouldn't increase the amount that you produce.

Should I use a diaphragm?

Q Doctor, I have read about women in America using a vaginal device called a diaphragm as contraceptive.

I have a busy, but intermittent, sex life, and it seems like this thing would suit me. I could put it in just before sex with a man and then stash in away in a drawer till the next time.

So I looked up the word diaphragm on the Internet, and found that it was easy to buy them and quite cheaply too.

Do you think it would be OK to purchase one online and try it?

A The diaphragm is a good method of contraception, with very few side effects. It is a sort of 'dome,' often made of latex. You put it inside the vagina shortly before sex, positioning it so that it completely covers the cervix. Then you leave it in all night.

By the way, it is usual to kind of 'smear' the diaphragm with anti-sperm jelly or cream, just before you insert it. This is to prevent any sperms from finding their way around the edge!

As you say, there are many firms which will sell diaphragms on the Internet. But the problem with that is that women's vaginas are of varying sizes. So ideally, you need to get the right-sized diaphragm for your vagina.

This means consulting a doctor, or possibly a nurse, who knows about diaphragms, and who can measure your fit.

However, these days there is a brand of diaphragm which is supposed to be 'one size fits all.' That seems a little optimistic to me, but if you want to check it out on the Internet, its called Caya.

Not satisfying her anymore

Q I am no longer satisfying my wife in bed, doctor. This is because when I climax, I immediately 'go soft' and, therefore, cannot keep thrusting. So she does not orgasm.

A Most males, though not all, tend to 'go soft' just after they have climaxed. There is nothing you can do to prevent this from happening.

But what you can do is to make sure that your wife orgasms before you. You can achieve this any way she likes, for instance, with your fingers or with a vibrator. Then, it will not matter if you lose your erection after discharging.