Sun | Aug 20, 2017

As a Man: The False attraction of the False

Published:Sunday | February 7, 2016 | 2:00 AMMel Cooke

So last week I wrote about how many women I have observed wearing false hair and are unable to stop touching it, in an action which seems unconscious, involuntary and meaningless.

But here is the rub literally. It is not only the women who have a fixation on their Remy, KoniColon, real Brazilian or whatever type of synthetic or other source women get the tresses from. Men love it (or else the women wouldn't do it so much, duh).

A woman once told me that when she put in her false ponytail, she got attention from a different category of men. One piece of clip-on false hair and it was the corporate types who were after her more than ever. So one day she was in a line of traffic on Flat Bridge in Bog Walk, waiting for the light to change. She had in her clip-on ponytail and, as she was doing the rear-view mirror stoplight grooming that women are so good at, the male driver in the car immediately behind was trying his best to get her attention.

He flashed his headlights, he beeped, he repeated the cycle. After a few seconds she got tired of it, unclasped the ponytail, hung it out the window and shook vigorously. The light changed and she drove off, leaving him at a standstill, jaw hanging.

I am seeing so many more women and girls at that age where processing the hair is a sign of womanhood, wearing their crowning glory in its natural state. Still, the falseness continues in waves. And truth be told, I have never seen a hot car with a hot girl in the front passenger seat sporting natural hair - unless it is one of those false naturals - you know, those blown out Afros that are always high in the sky.

Yup, natural hair women are not the object of passenger front seat choice for top-a-top automobiles whizzing around for a night on the town. If a woman has her own trendy wheels it is a different mater.

And it is not only the hair that is not grown by the women who wear it, there are also the nails, the height (heels make a heck of a difference to the length of the legs), the high cheekbones created by make-up techniques, the beauty spot, the eyelashes which threaten to create a named weather system when they blink, the svelte waistline created by a corset that gives instashape, the full lips resulting from lipstick overdose, the breasts in the special bra that give thrust upwards and outwards, the eyes that pop out of the shadows inscribed above and below. Heck, a woman can check if you are being faithful to her by creating a whole new her and trying to check you at a party.