Sun | Jun 24, 2018

My lover is a pathological liar

Published:Sunday | February 7, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q: Dear Doctor, I have a concern. I was in a relationship with a man for a year, and I trusted him until I found out that he was a pathological liar.

Soon after we parted, I was experiencing a discharge, so I visited the doctor, and she thought it was a yeast infection, and I was treated for that.

But soon after, it returned and I visited a different doctor, and he told me it was 'bacterial vaginosis' (BV).

I was treated for that, and I have been fine ever since. But my problem is this, could I have chlamydia and not know it, even after visiting two doctors?

A: Sorry to hear about all this. Unfortunately, many women do enter into sexual relationships with men who are unreliable or deceitful. But I cannot say for certain whether this 'pathological liar' gave you an infection or not.

Happily, you have been successfully treated. If I understand you correctly, you do not have any

sexual or vaginal symptoms at the moment, so that is good.

However, you are worried about chlamydia, and this is not an unreasonable concern because these days there is so much chlamydia around.

And it is a fact that many women (and men!) have chlamydia, and do not even know it - because in the early stages, it often produces no symptoms.

So I feel that you should get a test for chlamydia very soon. These days it can be done very simply on a urine specimen. Therefore, I think you should contact a doctor who can arrange chlamydial testing.

The result of the test will tell you whether you have chlamydia or not. And if you do, then the doc will be able to cure you with the right antibiotic. I wish you well.

Q: My fiancée and I love each other very much. But whenever we are having sex, I tend to lose my erection, right in the middle of the action. This can be frustrating.

Also, I have a 'curvature', and this restricts some positions - or makes them difficult. If I try to enter her from behind, it just won't work.

I don't know whether it is a 'nerves' problem, or whether I need something to help me relax. I am not overweight and I don't smoke or drink.

Please doc, I really need some help. She loves me a lot, and she wants me to get this fixed.

A: You have obviously been having some issues, but I am sure you can be helped!

Let's deal first with the problem of 'losing your erection during sex.' This could be due to nerves. But it is something that affects quite a few men as they get older.

Currently, I feel that you need a thorough examination by a doctor, as well as a test for diabetics (sugar). But there is a very good chance that you can be 'fixed' - possibly with the aid of one of the Viagra-type medications.

Second, as it relates to your curvature, you definitely need advice from a urologist - that is, a surgeon who specialises in the male sexual and urinary organs.

There are several good urologists at the University Hospital of the West Indies, and I suggest you see one of them as soon as possible.

You will need to show the urologist what your erection is like. That is not something which is easily done in a busy outpatient clinic! So you should take some pictures of your erection on your mobile phone, and show them to him when you get there.

He will be able to diagnose this 'curvature.' And he can also advise you whether you need Viagra-type medication to help you prolong your erections. All the best.

Q: I am 'between marriages' at the moment, and to be honest with you, doc, I get very frustrated!

So I just bought myself a vibrator through the Internet. The general idea is to switch it on, and then to put it in the vagina.

Well, it is quite nice, but I am very surprised to find that it does not give me the orgasms which I need. Any advice? Do you think I have a health problem?

A: No, you don't. These vaginal vibrators generally produce rather pleasant sensations for women. But what the makers don't always tell you is that they will not often give you actual orgasms.

The reason for this is the simple fact that it is the clitoris (not the vagina) which is the main source of climaxes. A lot of people don't understand that.

So the answer to your problem is simply to apply the vibrator to the area around the clitoris. Meanwhile, I wish you success in finding a successful and loving marriage.

Q: Doc I am fed up with the condom. I have heard that there is some kind of 'vaginal ring' contraceptive.

Could I use it on my girlfriends in bed?

A: Certainly not! The vaginal ring (aka the NuvaRing) is not something that you can just 'pop in' immediately before sex.

A woman has to keep it in her vagina for three weeks out of every four. NuvaRing is a good contraceptive, but it's associated with quite a considerable risk of thrombosis (clotting).

Q: Good afternoon. I am in my 20s, and this is an embarrassing question! When is a period supposed to start? I have been 'predicting' my next menstruation in a specific way. What I do is to note the last day of the menses, and then count another 27-28 days from that final day. With luck, my period would start then.

But recently, I've started seeing my period only 18 to 21 days after the last day of the previous one. I visited a doctor, and was told that my cycle is now regular. This seems weird to me, since it would sometimes mean two periods in one calendar month!

So how exactly is it calculated? And how do I change it?

A: Let me try to help you with a few pointers:

• Never count your cycle from the last day of bleeding. The point at which the last drops or clots emerge is very unreliable.

• Always calculate from the first day of bleeding.

• The average length of a cycle is around 26 to 28 days. But anything from 24 to around 35 is OK.

• It doesn't matter if you have two periods in a calendar month. Pay no attention to whether it is February or March! What matters is the number of days in the cycle.

Your doctor has told you that you now have a regular cycle. So there is no need to try and change it.