Fri | Apr 20, 2018

Dear Doc: Can't make my wife orgasm

Published:Sunday | April 3, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Can't make my wife orgasm

Q Doc, I am having quite a lot of trouble in bed with my new wife. She is a beautiful and passionate woman, but, somehow, I find it very difficult to make her orgasm.

What usually happens is that it all starts out very well, and while we are having sex, she seems to enjoy it. I orgasm, but, almost always, Doc, I then find that she has not climaxed, and she is resentful about this.

However, I know that once I have orgasmed, I cannot continue. So what can be done? Your medical advice would be appreciated.

A Well, a lot of couples have this difficulty, particularly in the early years of their marriage. It has two main causes:

1. Women usually take longer to orgasm than men.

2. When men orgasm, most of them cannot continue because they generally lose their erection; some of them even feel too tender to keep going.

Fortunately, there is a remedy to this problem. I have seen it work with quite a lot of couples. Try these:

• Whenever you and your wife are going to have sex, be as romantic and loving as possible;

• Don't be in a hurry;

• Start with gentle 'love play' techniques around the clitoris;

• Do whichever finger or mouth technique she likes most;

• Keep doing it until she orgasms - even if this takes half an hour or more!

• Do not attempt to go further until you are sure she has climaxed;

• Once she has reached an orgasm, you may start intercourse with her.

• Even then, do not be in a rush! She may wish to have further orgasms.

I am not saying you have to keep doing things this way for the rest of your lives. The above plan will get you out of your present difficulties and, hopefully, make things a lot better in your marriage.

So, remember, for the moment, just ensure your wife always orgasms first.

French connection

Q I divorced some years ago and have not had sex since. I have met a nice, young Frenchman, who is charming, nice and a little shy. So far, he has not tried to get me into bed, but yesterday he sent me a note which read:

'Je veux voir ta pilosity pubienne, cherie.'

Doc, I did not want to reveal my ignorance by asking him, but what is he talking about?

A Well, I don't think you are at all ignorant!

This note is presumably his way of overcoming his shyness. What it means is: 'I want to see your pubic hair, darling.'

So clearly, he is propositioning you. Whether you accept is up to you. If you do, please practise safe sex!

What is the Mini-Pill?

Q I am 36 years old, Doc. I want to stop taking the Pill. I hear there is something called the 'the Mini-Pill', which could be just as good for me.

Is this true?

A Yes, it is. The Mini-Pill is only slightly less effective than the Pill. When a woman is in her late 30s, her fertility begins to decrease. As a result, pregnancies among women who are 36, who take the Mini-Pill, are pretty rare.

The point to grasp is that the Mini-Pill is far less likely to cause clots than the 'real' Pill is. So, for a woman who is in her 30s, the danger from taking it is much less.

Should I shave my pubic hair?

QI must confess I am a man who 'sleeps around' a little. I would not like to get any sexually transmitted infections, Doc.

So, would it would be a good idea to shave off all my pubic hair? I have heard this is more hygienic.

A Quite a lot of people have this idea that shaving off the pubic hair is somehow 'cleaner', but there is no real evidence of this.

I would say 'going bare' might make you slightly less likely to get fungus infections of the skin, but it certainly wouldn't prevent you from catching a VD.

Are you sure you are doing a wise thing in 'sleeping around?' There is a lot to be said for having just one sex partner, and remaining faithful to her.

Check your breast!

Q I think I may have a small lump in the breast, but it doesn't hurt.

So can I just ignore it, Doc?

A No! Any lump in the breast must be regarded as potentially serious, especially for anyone over the age of 25.

Please go and see a doc tomorrow. You must not delay.

Is my wife really a virgin?

Q Doctor, I am about to get married in a few months, and my bride-to-be said she is a virgin.

But when we are naked together, I can see lines, like 'furrows', which runs across the lower part of her belly - they are on both sides of the belly button.

So, is she fooling me? Do you think she has had a child in the past?

A Possibly. But 'belly lines' like this can be caused from other things - like losing a lot of weight.

You cannot take these lines as proof that she is not a virgin. I suppose you had better ask her to be frank with you.

But does it really matter whether she is a virgin or has had children? Surely, the important thing is whether you love each other.

Am I pregnant?

Q After many years without sex, three weeks ago, I met a handsome man, who kind of swept me off my feet. We spent all night making love.

Now my cycle is overdue. Doc, do you think I could be pregnant? I am 46.

A Well, there are many possible reasons for a monthly cycle to be late. Have you considered that this might be menopause?

However, the fact that that was three weeks ago, and it was a virile young man, it does suggest that pregnancy is a distinct possibility. Please do a test right away.