Tue | Jan 23, 2018

Dear Doc: Are fun condoms safe?

Published:Sunday | April 17, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q: I bought some 'fun condoms' to use with my girlfriend. They are brightly coloured, and have long projections sticking out of them, to tickle the vagina. Also, they glow in the dark.

What I am asking you Doc, is this, can we rely on them for contraception?

A: Probably not. 'Fun condoms' are not usually made to the same high standards as 'proper' condoms are. So the ones you have bought might well spring a leak.


Devastated by my husband's infidelity

Q: Good day, doctor. I would like you to tell me why men behave the way they do! I recently found out that my husband has been cheating on me, with a girl from Mandeville. I just cannot understand this. It has really devastated me. I can't sleep, and I keep crying. And I don't know whether I should let him have sex with me again. Sometimes, I feel like killing myself.

Let me explain. We have been married for just under 10 years. I love him very much, and I thought he loved me. At least, that's what he always says. Also, I should mention that in the sack, he can take me to great heights of pleasure. I have certainly never cheated on him!

So I thought we were very happy. That was until just before Easter I glanced at his mobile phone - and to my horror, I found a sexy text from this girl. She said: 'Can't wait to get you between my thighs again, baby.' So I knew that they have had sex.

When he came home, I was blazing mad. I even tried to slap him and scratch him, but then I calmed down. At first, he denied that he was cheating. But then he admitted it, and begged me to forgive him.

Of course, he claimed that the relationship with this girl meant nothing. He tried to say that 'it only happened once,' although it was obvious to me that he was lying. By this time, I was in tears. I was so upset that I decided to get out. I got in the car and went to my mother's and stayed there for three days.

I told her what had happened, and she said to me: 'Men are all the same, honey.'

Is that true, Doc? Do they really all cheat on their wives?

I do not know what to do now. I went back home, but I could not sleep in the same bed, and I have refused to have sex with him, even though he has begged me to. He says that he is 'getting desperate now.'

What do you think, Doc? Should I let him have sex with me? I am so distressed that I would probably weep all the way through!

I just cannot understand why husbands can do this kind of thing to their wives.

A: I am very sorry to hear about what has happened. This is a classic story of a husband thinking that adultery was 'just a little bit of fun', while his wife is absolutely devastated by his cheating.

From a medical point of view, I am pretty sure that you are depressed. I urge you to go and see your doctor this week. Make sure you tell her that you are not sleeping. This is a classic symptom of clinical depression. She will talk things over with you, give you some advice, and (I expect) put you on an antidepressant for a short time.

Now you ask me why so many husbands cheat. It does seem crazy, doesn't it? But I have seen it happen in many countries around the world. A lot of men happily tell their male friends about their infidelities, as if adultery was something to be proud of.

On a number of occasions, I have sat in my consulting room with male patients who tell me about their unfaithfulness while laughing - as if it were all a joke. They have been rather surprised when they see that I do not find it humorous.

A celebrated Jamaican sexologist has said that cheating is often used by men 'as a yardstick to measure masculinity and virility'. In other words, if they can bed a few 'outside' women, they think that that shows what great men they are.

Alas, they often don't realise the terrible distress that they can cause to their wives. Your case clearly demonstrates that.

I must add that not all husband behave in this multi-adulterous way. There are many men who are decent and faithful, and who would not dream of cheating on their wives.

Now what are you to do now? As I say, the first thing is to see your own doctor. After that, I think you should ask your husband to go to a marriage counsellor or therapist with you. If he will not do that, then I fear that the outlook for this marriage is pretty bad.

Frankly, I see no reason why you should let him resume marital relations with you unless he puts some effort into picking up the pieces and trying to put everything right. That should include a solemn promise that he will never cheat on you again.


Am I abnormal?

Q: Doctor, I saw a 'porn movie' in which a man got very excited (and actually orgasmed) because a girl stimulated his scrotum.

This has got me very worried, because being stroked there by my girlfriend does nothing for me. Am I abnormal?

A: Porn films are a constant source of misinformation. In the real world, men do not tend to get extremely excited, or to climax, just because somebody touches the scrotum.

So you can quit fretting.


My new boyfriend is bleeding from his penis

Q: I am divorced, and I have a new boyfriend. On the first three occasions when I slept with him, I was surprised to notice a little spot of red blood on the sheets.

This got me very worried, so I went to my doctor - who found there was nothing wrong with me. Then I realised that the blood was coming from him! I have even seen a spot on his white pants.

What is going on? Should I talk to him about it?

A: You certainly should. He must be losing fresh blood from his urinary passage. There are several possible causes of this, including a 'urethral polyp' - which is a little, fleshy growth.

Please tell him that he must see a doctor right away - preferably a urologist.


Will hormone replacement therapy prevent pregnancy?

Q: I am female and I just turned 40. My doctor wants to put me on Hormone Replacement Therapy.

Can I assume that this would protect me against any further pregnancy?

A: No! This is a common misunderstanding. HRT is not a contraceptive, so it will definitely not prevent you from getting pregnant. Take care!


Did he have a vasectomy?

Q: Doc, my new boyfriend says that he had a vasectomy when he was working in England.

But can I believe him? I don't see any scar on his skin!

A: A Vasectomy does cause two very small scars on the scrotum - in fact, sometimes just one. But they are real difficult to see.

Ask him to show you some proof that he did a vasectomy - like a paper from the clinic where it was done.