Thu | Aug 16, 2018

Dear Doc: My husband obsessed over his penis size

Published:Sunday | April 24, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q: Good day, Doc. I would like you to help me. My present husband is a respected civil servant, and everybody thinks he is real nice. But in the bedroom, it is a different matter!

Whenever we are having sex, he pesters me to tell him about my previous boyfriends - and how good (or bad!) they were in bed.

Fortunately, on most occasions, this 'turns him on.' But I only have to say anything which hints that they were 'big' in the organ department, and he goes crazy!

The worst time was when I suggested that a former lover was bigger than him. Doc, he jumped out of bed and began screaming and yelling. He shouted: 'So you are saying that I am inadequate! Is that it?' It took me a half-hour to calm him down.

He has now been going on about this subject of size for several years, and I think it is getting worse. Doc, could I obtain some medicine for him?

A: This is not a very happy marriage at the moment, is it? I am sorry that you have had so much distress. But medicine will not help.

May I tell you three facts about husbands:

1. Many of them simply do not want to know about their wives past lovers;

2. But a minority are very turned on by hearing about a wife's former love-life;

3. However, nearly all men react badly to any suggestion that a previous partner was larger than them!

Admittedly, there are exceptions to that last rule. But your spouse is obviously a man who cannot bear the idea that any of his predecessors had a larger organ than him. In fact, I would say that he has actually become mentally disturbed over this crazy issue.

I have seen several male patients who were like your husband. Frankly, they were almost bordering on lunacy over this foolish issue. And the strain on their wives and their marriages was truly awful!

In your case, I guess that the main hope for your marriage would be to persuade him to go with you to a therapist or counsellor for a few sessions. The expert may possibly be able to persuade him that his thinking is totally irrational.

In the meantime, all I can suggest is that in the bedroom you avoid all talk of penis size! If he absolutely insists on dragging the conversation around to this silly subject, just keep reassuring him that he is the biggest and best you have ever known. Also, keep stressing to him that you love him.


Fixing a botched circumcision

Q: Ten years ago, I misguidedly took a circumcision operation in Miami. This was because I felt I had too much foreskin. I thought it was getting in the way, and that girls would not like it.

But now, the remaining skin seems like it's too tight, when I am sexually excited. Also, there are annoying little 'bumps' where the cut was.

Can anything be done, doctor?

A: Well, it's not usually a good idea to try and improve your sex life by taking a circumcision.

However, you did it - and now the foreskin is too tight. My guess is that these bumps are swellings called 'keloids' - which in Jamaica quite often appear in any scar tissue.

A good plastic surgeon could remove these for you - though there is a slight danger that the removal might create further scarring on your organ. You should ask the surgeon if there is anything which can be done to ease the tightness of the penile skin. He may be able to recommend some anti-inflammatory cream which would help. Good luck.


Is sex during the menses ok?

Q: Doc, my husband is away a lot - so we have to have sex when we can. Sometimes we need to do it when he comes home during my menses.

Would this harm either of us?

A: Sex during the period tends to be unpopular because it is so messy. One way around this is to get a device called a 'cervical cap' from a doctor and fit it before going to bed with your husband.

By the way, some people do have religious objections to 'menstrual sex'. Others fear that it could cause a 'red child' - but that is not true.

Intercourse during the menses will not affect your health - or that of your partner.

However, when your husband is home, you could easily ask your own doctor for some tablets that will help you to postpone your menses until a more convenient date.


Will squeezing the penis stop pregnancy?

Q: A friend has advised me that I could avoid getting my current girlfriend pregnant by just squeezing my organ hard with my hand  immediately before I 'come.'

Would this work, Doc?

A: Please don't do it. For centuries, men have tried this idea of preventing conception by squeezing the male organ.

It does not work. What happens is that drops of seminal fluid can leak out from the end of the organ. And that may cause pregnancy.

Why would you try a system like this when it is so easy to buy condoms these days?


Keeping my past in the past

Q: Doctor, today I am a successful fashion model, but no one knows that in my early 20s, I was a 'high-class hooker' in Mexico. I had visited the country and run out of money. It was a frightening situation. As soon as I managed to accumulate enough savings, I got out of there - fast! Today, no one knows about my past.

However, I would like to make sure that my body is totally clean of any germs I might have come into contact with in those days. If I went to an ordinary doctor, would she be able to examine me - and then tell me that I was OK?

A: No. An ordinary examination by a doctor (even if it is an internal examination) cannot usually determine for certain whether you have any infection or not. What you need are special tests.

So you should make sure that you go to a doctor who can take bacteriological swabs from various parts of your female anatomy - and then send them to the lab for testing. I think she should also do blood tests for HIV, and for syphillis.

I hope all your tests will come back negative. But it is certainly a good idea to get them done.


Do I have to check for the coil?

Q: Hi, Doc. Is it true that if you choose the coil, you have to put your finger inside you once a month to check that it is OK? I don't think I would like that.

A: Well, IUDs (coils) always have either one or two little threads. The idea is that by feeling a thread with your fingertip, you can make sure that the device is in the right place. You see, these coils do have a slight tendency to fallout, or to move around.

It is worth doing this check. If you don't want to, perhaps your husband could do it for you?