Dear Doc | Can frequent sex hurt a woman?
Q Good day, doctor, I would like your frank medical advice. Is it true that frequent sex causes a woman to 'widen' I have heard people say this.
The reason I am asking is that my wife has become distinctly more 'loose' in the last five years or so. This is causing a loss of satisfaction for both of us.
So please tell me - is the problem caused from the fact that we have so much sex together? If so, would she get 'narrower' if we had less sex?
A friend of mine has told me that you once recommended some way of using a vibrator to solve this problem. Is that true?
I would be most grateful for your advice.
A Sorry to hear about your problem. No, wideness of the vagina is not, I repeat, is not caused from having a lot of sex. That is just a myth!
But widening of the vagina is often caused by childbirth - particularly, repeated childbirth. So if your spouse has had quite a few children, that would be the probable reason for her being loose.
There would be absolutely no point in you having less sex. That would not help the situation at all!
So what should you do? Well, first thing is to talk everything over with your wife. This is a matter for mutual discussion.
But, personally, I feel that after that, her best move would be to see a doctor (preferably a gynecologist) for an examination. The gynaecologist will be able to assess the width of your wife's vagina. She will also check whether the womb is prolapsing (that is, 'coming down') - since that often happens when the vaginal muscles are weak.
Now what can be done to tighten things up? Well, the doctor will probably recommend a course of 'pelvic floor exercises.' These exercises are very good for firming up the tissues around the vagina.
If your wife Googles 'pelvic floor exercises' or 'Kegel exercises,' she will find around 800,000 sites which explains how to do them.
Better still, any midwife or trained nurse could teach your wife how to perform these exercises. But please note that they must be done several times a day, for a period of at least six months. By the end of that time, your wife should see considerable improvement in the 'tone' of her vagina - and it should be narrower.
However, if the 'support' in her pelvis have become very loose, then the gynecologist may offer her the possibility of taking an operation - in order to tighten everything up. That would almost certainly make sex better for you both.
Now you ask about using a vibrator. Yes, such a device can be a temporary help when a woman's vaginal passage has become too loose.
If your spouse agrees, the two of you could put a small vibrator inside, and keep it in there while you are having sex. That provides 'bulk,' and thus fills up the vaginal cavity.
So, look up 'vibrators for sale' on the Internet. Your wife should pick one that is bullet-shaped - and very small - one that is around three inches long and maybe an inch across would be ideal.
After it arrives, make sure that your wife is happy with it. When you two are ready to have sex, then she should switch on the vibrator and slip it inside. After that, you can enter her. You will then find that everything is much 'tighter' and 'fuller' with the vibrator in place.
In addition, the 'buzzing' sensation should be quite agreeable for both of you. I wish you well.
What can I take besides the Pill?
Q I am a 30-year-old female, with a very active sex life, so I do need a good, reliable method of 'birth control' and I don't want to take the Pill any more.
Would that 'ring' thing be any good for me? Is it reliable? And does it interfere with sex in any way, Doc?
A Well, with your active sex life, I hope you are being careful to avoid catching any STIs!
To answer your question, the vaginal ring known as the 'NuvaRing' - is a good choice for many women.
It is not far from being 100 per cent reliable, provided you use it correctly. It's a little ring, about the size of a wrist bracelet, and it contains two hormones which prevent you from getting pregnant.
You put it into your vagina, as high as you possibly can, and you leave it there for three weeks. At the end of that time, you take it out, dispose of it, and have take a week's break. Then you put in a new one.
In answer to your question about sex: no, it does not interfere with intercourse. Occasionally, it may get dislodged during sex, but if that happens, you can just put it right back in.
Before starting, you do need a special 'fitting' from a doctor or a nurse.
There is one big drawback with the NuvaRing. The hormones in it are similar to those of the Pill. Therefore, it can cause clotting (thrombosis).
So if you have any tendency for clot-formation, you should not use NuvaRing. In fact, the makers now advise that women aged 35-plus who are smokers must never use this product, in case they develop thrombosis.
Should I tell her about the one-time gay sex?
Q I am a guy who has had a lot of experience with women. I love them, Doc! But 20 years ago, when I was a teenager, I was 'seduced' by a man who was then my boss.
I am ashamed to tell you that I actually liked it at the time. But I have no homosexual desires.
I am thinking of getting married soon, and I have two questions for you.
1. Should I get any health checks?
2. Should I tell my bride-to-be about what happened all those years ago?
A A difficult query. I presume that your former boss did penetrative rectal sex with you.
If so, then I think you should have a blood test for HIV - just in case.
Also, since you seem to have 'slept around' with a lot of women, it would be a reasonable idea to have tests for other sexually-transmitted infections (STIs).
Turning to the question of your bride-to-be, I am generally in favour of people making a clean declaration about sexual matters to those to whom they are engaged.
However, if all your health tests turn out to be negative, there might be a case for refraining from telling your fiancee about this episode that happened so long ago. It could be very distressing to her.
Am I losing my nature?
Q When I was young, I used to be able to have sex five times for the night with an orgasm on each occasion.
But now I am 41 years old, and I find it very difficult to manage twice for the evening. Fortunately, my wife is very understanding.
But doc, am I losing my nature?
A No, definitely not! Research has shown that when men are in their 40s, it is pretty unusual to be able to 'do it' twice (or more) for the night.