Dear Doc | Pregnant after foursome
Q Doctor, I am in a terrible situation position, and I do not know what to do.
I am happily married to a very sexy man. We do not yet have any children, because we thought it was a little early - especially as both our salaries are fairly small at the moment.
Six months ago, we had a "foursome arrangement' with another young couple. To be honest, it has been fun - I must admit that I found it very exciting to go with another man on one or two nights per week. My husband was also delighted at having what he called 'another pretty woman to go to bed with.' By the way, I should add that I am on the Pill.
But guess what, Doc? Two weeks ago, I forgot to take my Pill one Saturday morning. That night, I had fantastic sex with the other man and he orgasmed inside of me. Now my menses is overdue, and I am sure that I am pregnant! I presume it is that other man's baby - as that was the day when I forgot the Pill.
I have not told anyone yet. My husband will go crazy when he finds out. Or should I hide it from him, and pretend the child is his?
A Hold on a minute. You are rushing ahead of yourself. Let us stop and consider the situation carefully.
First of all, let me just say that your story confirms what I have said before in this column about the dangers of 'foursomes'. Some couples get away with that sort of arrangement, but others get into some serious trouble. I do not recommend that married people engage in that kind of 'game.'
As it relates to your situation, you missed just one Pill, and that night you had a lot of sex with somebody else's husband.
Did you take your Pill the following day? If so, then the odds against you being pregnant are considerable.
And even if you are, then it would not be wise to assume that the 'other man' is the father. It could be your husband's, especially if he had sex with you later that weekend.
But at the moment, we have no real evidence that you are pregnant - apart from the fact that your menses are overdue. However, there are many possible reasons why a woman's period might not arrive. They include:
* Weight loss;
* Anaemia (weak blood);
* Hormone problems;
* Excessive exercise.
There are a lot of other reasons. So clearly, what you have to do is a pregnancy test immediately.
I assure you - there is a high chance that it will be negative. And if it is, then all you need to do is to consult your doctor, and ask her to help find out why. In the meantime, please do not have any more sex with this other man!
Now, if your pregnancy test turns out to be positive, then we have need to worry.
I think that in that case, you should also consult your doctor, and talk things over with her. She can confirm that you really are pregnant.
Then I think the only sane thing to do is to talk to your husband about your pregnancy. You say that he will 'go crazy' when he finds out. But the fact is that he seems to be just as guilty as you are in this matter. Both of you agreed to 'swap partners,' and I feel it is his fault as much as it is yours if you are pregnant - even if you are the one who forgot to take the Pill.
If you are, then when the baby is born a DNA test should be done. That is the only way you can find out who the real father is.
But for the moment, let us hope that you are not pregnant.
Should I go to a balm yard?
Q I am 34 years old, and I think that recently my virility has been failing a little. A friend of mine had a similar problem, and he tells me that it was cured by a balm-yard man.
Do you think I should give that a try, Doctor?
AI really see no way in which a balm-yard man's treatment could help erectile dysfunction (ED), except through the power of suggestion - which is admittedly very strong!
I would advise you to go to a qualified doctor for a thorough medical check-up. He should also test your urine, and possibly your blood. He may well find that there is a medical reason for your problem - or possibly a psychological one.
He can then give you the medical treatment you need to restore you to your former state of having very strong erections.
Will lack of orgasms affect my fertility?
Q Doctor, I am a woman who rarely orgasms. I would like to know whether that will affect my ability to conceive. I would so like a baby one day.
A Don't worry, I have good news. It is not necessary for a woman to climax in order to conceive!
Millions and millions of persons who have never orgasmed in their lives have had children.
Recent scientific research has suggested that there is something called an 'up-suck of sperms' when a woman's womb contracts during climax. If that is true, then these contractions would probably increase the chances of conception - but this idea is far from proven.
Anyway, you need not worry. I am sure that you will be able to conceive, whether you orgasm or not. However, it would be nice if you learnt how to climax with a loving partner. So I would recommend you look at the website of American sex 'guru' Dr Betty Dodson, who has an impressive track record in helping women to orgasm.
I don't like to touch her clitoris
Q I would really love to turn my wife on, but I have a curious and intense dislike of touching the clitoris.
Any ideas, Doc?
A Well, you could easily buy a vibrator via the Internet. I hope you would not be averse to pressing that on (and around) her clitoris.
Also, you could perhaps encourage her to touch her own clitoris during love-making. Many women do that.
But in the long run, you should deal with your own unfortunate aversion to touching a woman's clitoris. This may originate from something in your childhood, I suspect. But you should certainly go and see a good therapist or psycho-analyst, who could help you sort this out.
Is 'the ring' an alternative?
Q My doctor has refused to give me the Pill any more, because she says I am 'liableto clotting.'
So could I use that vaginal ring contraceptive, Doc?
A No, the NuvaRing is very like a vaginal version of the Pill. So it can cause thrombosis.
Therefore, NuvaRing is not for you.