Tue | Aug 22, 2017

As a man: An open letter to the 'Sugar Daddies' and 'Lollipops'

Published:Sunday | July 10, 2016 | 7:00 AM

Dear Sir and Madam,

You know who you are, even if you do not look yourself in the eye and concede that you are in a relationship where the firm flesh and energy of youth (the Lollipop) is paired with the cash and assets of the big man (the Sugar Daddy, the Pops) for mutual convenience. There are, of course, instances where the young girl and the old guy have a connection which goes beyond cash to genuine liking and soul connection, but in my experience it is rarer than a robot taxi driver who follows the road code to the letter - or even a paragraph.

So, to the majority, I have a few suggestions which may help to avoid the murder-suicide conclusion to those relationships which is an amazingly frequent recurrence in Jamaica, or various levels of interpersonal friction which do not make the newspapers. A little acknowledgement of reality, self-acceptance and awareness of the inevitable should help tremendously.

Your relationship is based on an exchange of companionship for money. Cash for kind. It is a fair exchange. If there is no cash, there is no companionship (which is putting it nicely). There is nothing wrong with that, as long as there is an open acknowledgement of the situation, but it is couched in terms like 'helping out' and 'taking care of her needs'.

 

IMPORTANT DIFFERENCES

On one side, the gentleman rarely wants to concede to himself that he is not a really irrestible older guy, despite all evidence to the contrary in the mirror. On the other side, the lady does not want to feel like she is in the same bracket as the ladies on Portmore's 'Back Road' and, really, she is not. She has fewer clients, is paid better and has better working conditions. Those are very important differences.

However, once this realty has been acknowledged, it makes everything so much easier. It is a temporary arrangement, so there is no need for waiting outside workplaces and monitoring phones and the man killing the women and then himself. From the get go, both parties will know that this will not last, so there is no need for the woman to skulk and the man to stalk.

When it done, it done.

Also, Sugar Daddy, you will understand from the outset that the kid will grow up. In 10 years time, chances are she will be a totally different young lady from when you hooked up. She will mature, whether you like it or not. Part of maturing is wanting to have children and that will be, most likely, someone who will not be likely to pass of before the kid turns 18 years old.

You also need to understand the difference between an investment and expenditure. Buying stocks and bonds and putting money in a savings account is investment. Spending money on young gal is expenditure which cannot be recouped.

On the other hand, Lollipops, remember that when a Sugar Daddy starts spending on you he believes he is making a long-term purchase, not a short-term rental. If you seek or accept his 'support', you will have entered into a permanent arrangement - which could come to a permanent resolution.

melville.cooke@gleanerjm.com