How can I please my unfaithful wife?
Q Doc, I have a sad story to tell you. My beautiful wife has cheated on me - several times. I love her so much, and I can hardly believe that she has done this.
Her lover is a young, athletic guy. I asked her why she had sex with him, and to my astonishment she replied, "Because he is good in bed."
I was devastated by this, Doc. What does it mean? Is she saying that he has a bigger penis than I do?
A No, she is not saying that! Most women do not think in those terms. In contrast, men are always thinking that the size of their penis is important to women, but it really isn't.
So what do women appreciate in bed? They value things like:
• Being loved and appreciated.
• A man's skills in making sure she has a good time.
• His interest in whether she orgasms.
So what you should do now is to talk to your wife about these aspects of your sex life. Find out from her what she wants in bed, and do your very best to meet her needs.
Fortunately, it sounds like her affair with that young man may be over. From now on, you must do everything you can to keep your wife, which means pleasing her in bed.
My new lover has a foot fetish
Q I am divorced and I have just found a new guy. I am seriously considering marrying him, but I am a little puzzled by the fact that he has been married five times before! I am wondering why?
He is a very nice, pleasant man. The only unusual thing I have found about him is that, in bed, he really likes to kiss my feet all the time! I don't know why he does this.
Otherwise, he seems to be sexually normal. Any ideas, Doc? He is not Jamaican.
A Well, I think there is a possibility that this pleasant man actually has a foot fetish. This means that the person (usually men) is sexually obsessed with their partner's feet.
That particular psychological condition is very common in some countries, particularly the United States.
Some experts theorise that it happens because of the fact that when the man was a child sitting on the floor, he got excited by being touched and rolled round by his mother's feet. This may or may not be true.
People who have a foot fetish love to caress women's feet, and if they are allowed, they will actually ejaculate on them.
I can't help wondering if the reason why your new lover has had five (presumably failed) marriages is based on the fact that his previous wives could not cope with his particular fetish. There are some women who can deal with that kind of thing, but it is certainly not every woman's cup of tea.
I think that what you should do now is to talk to him about his past, and about why he is so keen on your feet. Maybe you can reach some kind of sexual compromise with him, but you may not wish to be married to a man who devotes all of his sexual energies on your 10 tiny toes.
Switching to a low-dose Pill
Q I am 35 years old and a smoker, so my doctor is talking about taking me off the Pill, because of the risk of clotting.
But couldn't I just go on a low-dose Pill? Wouldn't that be completely safe, Doctor?
A The Pill does sometimes cause thrombosis (clotting), particularly in women who are over the age of 35. I'm afraid that the risk is increased by smoking.
So, the first thing you should do is to give up cigarettes - now! That could save your life.
Going on to a lower-dose Pill would certainly reduce your risk of clotting, but it would be better to come off the Pill completely and use some other form of contraception. So please talk to your doctor about switching to something safer - like the Mini-Pill (progestogen-only Pill, or 'POP').
Do I have a venereal disease (VD)?
Q While I was away on a cricket tour, I had sex with a local girl. She was great fun, but now I find that I have a itchy foreskin!
Is this some kind of VD?
A I do not think so. Probably this is just a fungus infection. These little skin fungi are extremely common, particularly in hot climates.
You should see a doctor so he can check you out. But if he agrees that this is just due to fungi, he will prescribe some anti-fungal ointment, which will get rid of the problem.
However, please do not have sex with anyone until you have seen a doctor.
How does a diaphragm work?
Q My sister in England has advised me to get some kind of contraception called a diaphragm. She says it is very good.
I understand that it is a type of 'disc' that you put inside the vagina. But wouldn't the man be able to feel it during sex?
A The diaphragm is a good form of contraception, particularly for women who no longer wish to take the Pill.
It is like a little saucer, made from rubber or silicone. It is very flexible, so it is easy to pop it into the vagina. The idea is that it prevents the sperms from reaching your cervix.
Surprisingly, few men notice it during intercourse. That is because the diaphragm is just above where the man's penis goes. However, a man would feel it if he put his finger inside. So if you decide on this method, you should tell your partner that you are using a diaphragm and ask him not to dislodge it.
For more information, talk to a nurse or doctor.
Nagging pelvic pain
Q I am a woman with two children and, in recent months, I have not been feeling very well. I have a nagging pain at the base of the stomach, just above the pubic hair. Also, whenever I eat, I feel full almost immediately. I am kind of bloated with gas, I suppose.
So I don't eat much, and I am losing weight. Help!
A You must consult a doctor right away! It is very important for women over the age of 25 to know that the following symptoms can be dangerous:
• Persistent pain in the lower part of the abdomen.
• A feeling of fullness after eating just a little.
• A sensation of being bloated.
This combination of things can suggest a serious disorder of the ovary. So please see a doctor without delay.
Could I be sterile?
Q I am a 27-year-old man, and to be honest with you, Doc, I have had a lot of sex with a lot of women. I have never used a condom.
But none of these women have ever got pregnant! So a thought occurred to me - could I be sterile?
A Well, maybe most of your partners were on the Pill! However, it is just possible that you might be infertile. And it would be quite easy for a doctor to check this for you by sending a specimen of your semen to the lab.