Thu | Sep 21, 2017

Doctor's Advice: When my husband's away

Published:Sunday | August 14, 2016 | 8:00 AM

Q A pleasant good day to you, Doc. I am a married woman and I never thought I would be unfaithful to my husband. But last month while he was away, I began talking to a tourist (male) in the bar where I work, and we got along very well. He is a very handsome man.

The night before he left for America, he invited me to his room for 'a farewell drink.' And guess what happened, Doc? Yes, that's right - he kissed me and persuaded me to take my clothes off. In next to no time we were having sex.

I will not deny that I enjoyed it, because he was such a tender, romantic and thoughtful man. He made me feel great. Fortunately, I am on the Pill - which was a good thing because he did not have a condom.

We didn't exchange addresses or anything like that, so I assume I will never see him again. However, I think he has caused some sort of change in my body. You see, for the last two weeks I have had a white or yellow discharge, and also a little 'light-pink' bleeding. Furthermore, it stings when I urinate.

What do you think is going on? And do I need to tell my husband?

A Oh dear! Unfortunately, people do often succumb to romantic temptation when their spouses are away.

In this case, sounds like your 'romantic guy' has definitely given you something. On the basis of the symptoms you describe, there is a high chance that he has given you chlamydia. But it could be another infection - like gonorrhoea.

So the only sane thing you can do is to get to a clinic or a doctor's office. You must get tested for chlamydia - and also for other sexual infections.

Now, as it relates to your husband, if you do have chlamydia (or any other sexual infection), he will need treatment too, because presumably you have had sex with him since he returned home.

Getting him treated may sound as if it might be very difficult. But fortunately, doctors who work with sex infections are remarkably good at arranging treatment for spouses. So I think you should be guided by the doctor who does your testing.

However, my personal feeling is that it would be better if you were open and honest with your husband from the beginning, and admitted to him that you had a one-night stand while he was off the island. But I cannot forecast how he will react to this admission. Maybe both of you should go to some sort of marriage counselling, which could help the two of you to discuss your feelings. I hope that it would also help prevent you from ever doing anything like this again.

 

I am a virgin man

 

Q I am a 25-year-old man, and I have never been with a woman. This is partly because I was rather scared of them! But I feel better about that now.

Do you think that if I started dating a woman and told her that I am a virgin, she would laugh at me?

 

A I do not see why she should. A lot of women are very sympathetic to men who have never had sex. In particular, mature women (say, those over or about the age of 35) are often keen to help younger men who are still virgins.

But you should tell your prospective partner well beforehand. Don't spring the revelation on her just as you are getting into bed. Good luck.

 

Playboy wants to 'play'

 

Q I am a 29-year-old divorcee, and I am hoping to marry a well-off man whom I suppose you could call a bit of a playboy.

Sex with him is very good. Admittedly, he wants to try out a lot of things in bed that I have never heard of. I am usually willing to go along with what he wants.

But, Doc, I am wondering if his latest suggestion is a step too far. He wants me to have sex with him and his best friend. I might be willing to consider this, as I have taken part in a threesome once before, when I was younger.

However, his current idea is a somewhat unusual one. He wants me to 'make myself available,' so that both of them can penetrate me at once. And he means vaginally.

I am not too sure about this, Doc. Is it even physically possible? He say he has seen it in porn movies.

 

A I expect he has, because this is a fairly common subject for the pornography industry. You might think that it was impossible for a woman to get two penises into her vagina at the same time, but it certainly can be done - particularly if the woman has had several children.

But should you do it? I would definitely say, no way! I have

several reasons for saying this:

1. It is a rather demeaning activity for a woman, and treats her as a sort of sex object.

2. If she is fairly tight, this activity could weaken the delicate tissues around her vagina.

3. It could also tear her.

4. Having two men at once will inevitably increase the risk of a sexual infection.

You say you want to marry this man, but do you really think that being 'shared' with his best friend would be a good foundation for marriage?

And do you believe that a man who really loves you would want to treat you like this? Surely not!

Finally, may I just point out to you that some psychotherapists theorise that if a man wants to put his organ somewhere, alongside his best friend's penis and touching it, that does rather suggest that he may have a distinct 'gay' side.

 

Recycled diaphragm?

 

Q Doc, my new girlfriend is fantastic in bed. But she uses some contraceptive device called 'the diaphragm.'

I have just realised that this is the same diaphragm that she employed with her previous lover, from whom she split last year.

Is that OK? Or could that used diaphragm do me any harm?

 

A As a rule, sexually knowledgeable women wash

their diaphragms thoroughly the morning after sex.

So the health or hygienic risk to you should be just about nil. I can't believe that there are any germs lurking on the woman's used diaphragm.

However, from an aesthetic point of view, it would be nice if you felt that the woman was using a diaphragm which had not been touched by another man! So I think you should buy her a new one. Incidentally, they are very cheap.

 

Contraceptive implant

 

Q Doc, I am thinking of getting one of those contraceptive implants in my arm, before my boyfriend gets back to Jamaica.

But could any doc fit it for me?

 

A No. It has to be a doctor (or nurse) who has been specially trained to put the insert into the right area in a woman's arm. Untrained medics in other countries have been known to stick the device in the wrong place.

deardoc@gleanerjm.com