Thu | Sep 20, 2018

Dear Doc | Can't orgasm in my second marriage

Published:Sunday | August 21, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q Doctor, could you please advise me about female orgasms? I recently got married for the second time, and in my first marriage I'm sure I used to climax during sex.

But in this marriage, I find that I cannot orgasm when my husband is inside of me. However, I can always do it if he 'fingers' me, either before or after intercourse.

I have read on the Internet that a United States doctor has discovered that this problem can be due to what they call an anatomical abnormality. It seems like it is possible to have the clitoris in the wrong place!

Could that be the problem with me, Doc? And if so, could I have anything done about it - like surgery?

A An interesting query. The new research from the University of Indiana has attracted headlines worldwide. But what it boils down to is this - the researchers have found that some women's clitorises are located a little further forward than others. In these instances, the clitoris may be as much as three centimetres away from the opening of the vagina.

This means that during sex, the clitoris isn't likely to be touched or rubbed by the penis. Therefore, it will probably not get any stimulation at all.

Now, the fact is that most men's penis actually makes very little contact with the clitoris during sex. That is why so many women find that they cannot easily orgasm while they are having sex - even though they can do it when 'petting'.

And if the clitoris is a little further forward than normal, the shaft of the man's penis may not touch it at all. So it gets no stimulation whatever.

It sounds like that may be the case with you these days. Your clitoris is just not getting stimulated by your second husband's penis. But for some reason, things worked OK during your first marriage.

So what can be done about this? Well, I am afraid that it is not possible to do a surgical operation to move the clitoris backwards. But there are various strategies you could use:

1. Like many couples, you can just accept that you won't orgasm during intercourse - only during foreplay;

2. You can employ various sexual positions which would make it easier for your husband to use his fingers to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse;

3. The two of you can use what is called the CAT position. If you look it up on the Internet, you will see that this is a technique in which the man lies very high up on the woman's body so that there is more chance that he can put pressure on the clitoris;

4. You can buy a clitoral stimulator via the Internet.

There are many varieties of clitoral stimulator. Some vibrate, and some do not. One type is worn by the man as a sort of penis ring. It has an upward projection which rubs against the woman's clitoris during sex. I wish you well, and I hope your second marriage will be a success.


Can you reverse a vasectomy?


Q When I was a young man and working in England, I had a vasectomy. Now I regret it. I am hoping to get married next year and would like to have children. My fiancÈe does not know about the vasectomy. We both live in Florida, as I have a job in Miami.

What do you think I should do? Is it possible to have a vasectomy reversed, as I have heard?

A Well, reversing a vasectomy is very difficult, and only the most skilled surgeons can do it successfully. Also, it will cost you a lot of money.

You should consult a urologist. And I would suggest that you begin by seeking advice from the highly reputable South Florida Urology Center, whose contact details you can find on the Internet.

Most important, it is very unfair that you have withheld such information from your fiancÈe. I urge you to tell her the truth about your situation - that at the moment you are sterile.


Lower abdominal pain


Q Doc, I am a female in my early 30s, and for the last few weeks I have had pain in the lower right-hand corner of my belly, just above the pubic hair.

What could the cause of that be, appendicitis?

A I don't think so. It is very important for women over 30 to realise that pain in the lower corners of the abdomen can sometimes be due to something seriously wrong with:

• The ovary

• The Fallopian tube

• The womb.

Now, I am not saying that you are very sick, but there could be something unpleasant going on, so please see a doctor this week for a pelvic (internal) examination. I hope that everything will turn out OK for you.


Am I too old to take the Pill?


Q Doc, is 29 too late to start taking the Pill? I have a very sexy new boyfriend, and he does not want to continue using the condom. I don't like it too much myself, so I would like to start on the Pill. But I am aware that it carries the risk of clotting.

Would it be safe for me? And what type should I ask for?

A I do not think that at 29 you need worry too much about clotting (thrombosis) unless:

• You have experienced clots in the past;

• You have a family history of clotting;

• You are a heavy smoker;

• You are overweight;

• You have diabetes.

As to the choice of Pill, you should discuss this with your doctor, but I would strongly recommend to all women that they do not go on any brand of Pill that contains more than 30 microgrammes of oestrogen.

As it relates to clotting, the lower the dose of oestrogen the better.


Can you catch Zika through oral sex?


Q Is it true that it is possible to catch the Zika virus through oral sex, Doc? I often do this to my girlfriend.

A Unfortunately, it appears that the answer is yes. French scientists have reported that a woman in Paris has caught Zika by having oral sex (both giving and receiving) with a man who recently returned from Brazil, and was infected with the virus.


Vaginal bleeding


Q Doc, there is a new man in my life. He is a little rough in bed, but I am teaching him to be gentle.

However, last night at 3 a.m., I was very scared when I found that I was bleeding slightly from the vagina!

Is this serious?

A It is probably just what they call a flesh wound - in other words, a small cut. Very often, these are caused by the man's fingernail - especially if he is not too skilled in bed.

My advice - just have a doctor check you out some time in the next three to four days. If it is just a tiny cut, then it will soon heal by itself.

But do not have any sex until it is completely healed. And insist that your new guy be gentler with you - and that he keeps his fingernails trimmed!