Sat | Feb 29, 2020

Teach your sons how to love

Published:Sunday | October 9, 2016 | 12:00 AMJody-Anne Lawrence

While the love game playbook has mostly targeted women, when it comes to pursing a woman there are a few words of advice that are pertinent for boys to be taught by their parents to guide them in the pursuit of love.

Relationship specialist and sexologist Dr Sidney McGill suggests parents encourage their sons to be good listeners. This is not only important for the early stages of a relationship but throughout. "You need to know her views on life. Is she a feminist? Is she the woman who would want you to open the door for her or not? What are her religious views? Because all of this leads to compatibility, especially when it comes to religion. And if it is conflicting, it might be a sign to stand back."

He notes that it is also important to be a living example - show them how to treat a woman.

According to McGill, "Your son learns best how to treat a woman by watching how you relate in your interpersonal relationships, especially with the opposite sex, and the moral values you intentionally or inadvertently teach him."




Parents should also teach their sons the value of sexual intimacy and to not rush into it.

"Young men have strong sex drives and tend to mistake their sexual desires for genuine love. Before having intercourse, the son should find out, 'what does she really want from me? Does she want to develop a lasting friendship or is it just sex that she is after?' Sex too early into a relationship presents strong emotions and puts the relationship on a fast track towards long-term commitment with insufficient intimate knowledge of each other," adds McGill.

He reiterated that getting to know the person as a friend instead of a mere sexual object should be the primary object when pursuing a woman. Admittedly, this is easier said than done, thus group dating or ensuring that you go to public places for dates will help you to not end up into a compromising position too early.

McGill also added that, "Many young women begin to think of a long-term relationship once sex becomes an important feature in it and will naively think that there is no other woman in his life."




Parents are also to teach their sons when to throw in the towel and accept rejection. Persistence is viewed as ambitious as well as knowing what you want, but sometimes it can go too far. Nothing is wrong with a man trying again after being rejected, but their comes a point where you should know when to stop.

McGill added that after three tries, it is fine for a man to throw in the towel. If you like her, then you should respect her space and wishes. Thus, if she is not interested and you have tried up to three times, it is fine to walk away. He added that giving up can be subjective to the individuals involved, but you should listen to her.

It is also important for parents to meet the young woman that their son is dating, even though they may have an ideal of who their son should date. Thus getting to know her early and getting an idea of the person she is, to advise him, is also something that one can do.