Thu | Jul 19, 2018

Dear Doc | My boyfriend is obsessed with sex

Published:Sunday | October 16, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q Doc, I am very concerned about my new boyfriend. He is handsome and charming, and great company. But I have never met someone who is as obsessed with sex! He seems to want it morning, noon and night.

To be frank, Doctor, he has often made me very sore with his sexual demands - and I do not like that. I asked him if I couldn't have a 'day off' sometimes. He said that he needs to have intercourse every single day of the week. In fact, he kind of suggested that if there was a morning when I couldn't give him sex, he would look for another woman to keep him satisfied that day.

He told me once that a doctor had diagnosed him with something called 'hypersexuality.' But I do not know what that is. Can you explain? And can it be treated with pills?

A Sorry to hear about this problem. The word hypersexuality just means excessive sexual desire.

It is always difficult to decide when someone's sexual desire is excessive because people have very different standards about these matters.

For instance, 60 or 70 years ago, it occasionally happened where judges or doctors decided that a man was sexually hyperactive because he asked his wife for sex three times a week. That would not happen today.

But if a doctor has actually diagnosed your new boyfriend as having hypersexuality, then we have to take note of that.

Incidentally, I wonder where this diagnosis took place. Was it by any chance in a prison? Has your new partner been in trouble with the law because of his sexual desires?

Let us assume for a moment that he really does have hypersexuality. Can it be treated with medication? The answer is yes - with difficulty.

There are three main lines of drug treatment:

1. Antidepressant drugs called SSRIs. Obviously, these pills are used to treat depressive illnesses. But some psychiatrists employ them in order to 'damp down' an excessive libido.

2. Antiandrogens. These are medications which reduce a man's testosterone. Very often, that may result in a reduction of his sexual desire.

3. Triptorelin. Triptorelin is one of a group of medications called GnRH analogues. The effect of these drugs is to reduce the output of certain important hormones from the man's pituitary gland.

But the big catch with all these things is this - would your boyfriend take them?

I really doubt whether your new boyfriend would be interested in taking any medication that would reduce his libido. I suppose it is possible that he might be willing to do some psychotherapy, to try to alter the way he looks at women and sex.

But overall, my feeling is that this man is trouble. He has already hurt you quite a bit by insisting on sex when you are sore. Maybe your best course would be to get out of his life before he causes you any more pain. I wish you well.


How soon does the Pill work?


Q How soon after I start taking the Pill will I be protected against pregnancy, doc?

A When you are first starting the Pill, it's a good idea to take the initial tablet on the first day of your menses. That way, you will be protected immediately. If you start later in your cycle, you will probably not be protected for around two weeks.


I think about other women while having sex with my wife


Q Doc, I am a 32-year-old man and I find that when I have sex with my wife, images of other women drift into my mind just at the moment of climax.

I do not want to do this, because I feel as if I am being unfaithful to my spouse. Is there any way I could stop this from happening?

A Well, research has shown that this happens with many men. It also happens with a lot of women, too.

If you are troubled by this phenomenon, you could see a therapist or counsellor to talk about what is happening in your mind during sex. However, there is also a simple cost-free thing you could try.

Whenever you start having intercourse with your spouse, try and fix in your mind an image of her - stark naked and having a wonderful time sexually. It doesn't really matter what you imagine her doing, but right up to the moment of orgasm and beyond, your image must be of her, and of no other women.

If you can manage to keep doing this for a few weeks, there is a good chance that you will no longer be troubled by those thoughts of other women.


Can breastfeeding delay my period?


Q Since I had my first child a few months ago, I have not had my period.

Does this have anything to do with the fact that I am breastfeeding?

A Yes. In most women, but not all, intensive breastfeeding will delay the return of the menses.

However, if a woman doesn't breastfeed real intensively (for instance, if she gives the child bottles during the day), then her periods may return sooner. There is a great deal of individual variation.

Incidentally, intensive breastfeeding (like, once every three hours) does also give you some protection against unwanted pregnancy. But experts say that missing even one feed can dangerously reduce this contraceptive effect.

My view is that once the baby is six months old, you should not rely on breastfeeding as a contraceptive method. If in doubt, seek the advice of a midwife or doctor.


Strange condoms


Q Doc, while in Europe recently, I bought some unusual condoms.

They are brightly coloured,and have little projections sticking out. The girl who sold them to me (in a sex shop) told me that these projections would delight women by giving them nice sensations.

Two questions:

1. Is that claim true?

2. Are these condoms safe for contraception?

A 'Novelty condoms' (as they are called) are generally not regarded as safe enough for contraception. Experts say that you should use a proper condom underneath - although not many men are too keen on that.

Do the projections stimulate women and help to give them a good time? Frankly, I have always been a little doubtful about that. But undoubtedly, some women do like the fact that those condoms are brightly coloured and amusing to look at.


Trouble passing urine


Q I am a 45-year-old male who is having some trouble in passing urine.

Doc, do you think I should do some kind of prostate screening? Would the doctor have to put a finger in my rectum?

A You should definitely have a prostate check-up! Cancer of the prostate is surprisingly very common in Jamaica. So you must take that check-up to make sure that you don't have it.

Yes, the doctor will have to put a gloved finger up your anus. This is the only way of feeling the prostate gland and checking its size, hardness and irregularity.

You will also need a blood test called a PSA, which stands for prostate-specific antigen.

Don't take any chances with your life! Get a check-up this week, please.