Sat | Jan 20, 2018

Dear Doc | My husband wants 'head'

Published:Sunday | December 4, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q Good day, Doc. I recently got married for the second time, and I love my new husband. He is a good and kind man, and he loves me.

But there is one problem. This is very embarrassing, Doc. Around once or twice a month, he asks me to give him oral sex. I have never done this before, and I am not too sure about it. I asked him if he really needed it, and he told me that it helps him to get an erection.

Is this true? Your advice would be appreciated.

A Sorry to hear about this problem. Sounds like you have a very good second marriage, so it would be a pity to let this fairly minor matter spoil things.

Oral sex is still quite a contentious subject. Quite a lot of women do not like doing it. But you may be surprised to know that some actually do like doing it to their partner. It seems to give them some sense of power!

Nevertheless, no woman should be pressured into doing a sexual act that she dislikes. So do not let yourself be railroaded into fellatio (which is the medical term for this type of oral sex).

But there may well be some truth in what your husband has been telling you. Many middle-age men have difficulty achieving an erection. In these cases, fellatio is sometimes quite helpful in enabling them to get an adequate erection.

However, I feel that as your spouse is having difficulties with his 'nature', he should see his doctor and have a physical examination and some tests done. The doctor may well be able to suggest some medical treatment which would help him get good erections. For instance, in addition to Viagra, Cialis and Levitra, there are now newer 'erection-inducing' agents, such as Vitaros.

One final point: like quite a few women, you may not want to go all the way with fellatio - in other words, to the point of orgasm. Some wives find that far too messy. But it could be that giving your husband a gentle kiss on his genitals would be acceptable to you. And that might be a worthwhile aid to his erection.

Q Doc, I have met a wonderful new woman, but she won't have sex without protection.

In fact, she wants me to use a female condom, which she has heard from her friends is very good. But I have no idea what I should do with it. Do I put it on myself, or what?

A Relax. You don't have to do anything. The female condom is (as the name suggests) a device which is intended to be 'managed' by the woman.

It is a little bag, around seven inches long. The idea is that before having sex, the woman puts it into her vagina. She must push the 'closed' end of the bag right up into the farthest reaches of her vagina. The 'open' end of the bag remains outside. Generally, the ring which runs around the opening of the bag will rest on her clitoris.

The bag stays inside until sex is completely over. At that time, she can take it out, making certain that she does not spill any of the seminal fluid. She can then dispose of it carefully.

You have to make sure that when sex begins, you point your organ into the little bag. At all costs, do not direct your penis outside of the female condom. You must remain inside it throughout sex.

Q I am totally fed up with my coil, as it is making my menses very heavy.

Could I take it out myself, Doc?

A Women do occasionally remove their own intra-uterine devices by tugging on the threads. But I really would not recommend that, because things could go wrong.

So I recommend that you consult a doctor who is experienced in these matters. She will put a surgical clip on the threads of the device, and gently draw it out for you. Please note that there may be some bleeding.

Afterwards, you might possibly consider trying the intra-uterine system, or Mirena. That not only provides contraception, but also reduces blood loss during your periods.

Q My husband is probably going to take an operation for prostate cancer. Could this interfere with his potency, Doc?

A I am afraid that it could. He should talk this matter over carefully with the surgeon before going ahead with the operation.

But, please bear in mind that the surgery may well be necessary to save his life.

Q A friend has suggested that I take the Pill continuously to avoid the nuisance of having periods.

But would this work, Doc? And is it safe?

A In some countries (notably the United States), there has been an increasing trend of women taking the Pill several months at a time - without a break between packets.

An American gynaecologist has suggested what your friend has mentioned - that is, taking the Pill for a whole year, without a break. This works, and it is quite popular with women because it spares them all the nuisance of having their menses. However, a word of warning: sometimes the period will arrive quite unexpectedly, despite the fact that the woman hasn't had a break from the Pill. So if you try this continuous Pill-taking, it would be a good idea to carry some sanitary protection in your purse at all times!

Medically, there are no reasons why you shouldn't try taking the Pill continuously, provided your doctor says it's OK. But it would be crazy to do this if you had any contra-indications to the Pill, like smoking or a family history of clotting.

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