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How To Cope With Mother-Wife Challenges

Published:Sunday | December 4, 2016 | 12:00 AMTrevor E.S. Smith

Mothers are called upon to cope with a battery of stressful challenges. As wife, she has been working to get two individuals from different sociological experiences to live harmoniously as one. It is usually best for newly-weds to get acclimatised to marriage and to living together before bringing children into the picture.


Financial Fitness


It is also wise to establish greater financial stability in preparation for children. We need to recognise that it takes cash to care for children.

Some couples are shocked at the impact of a newborn on their budgets. In some cases, the increased expenditure is accompanied by a loss of income by the mother.

Children are a blessing, but they can spell trouble for couples that fail to plan effectively for their being born.


Ambushed Attention


The most prevalent issue arising when newborns come on the scene is the fact that they attract all the attention. At the same time, wives should not be insensitive to the needs of their partners.

Taking care of a newborn is not easy. This is particularly true if it is the first child. Mothers have to work through a non-stop range of new challenges. This takes place in a context of doubts and fears as to how well they are performing the task of motherhood. This is not easy.

Against this background, wives are called upon to fulfil yet another responsibility. It is the capacity to cope with diverse emotional and physical demands that makes the wife-mother role so difficult.

Wives should take care to demonstrate that hubby's role is not diminished - keep the relationship warm.


Sharing the baby


One excellent way to deal with the entrance of a child in a marriage is to get help to relieve both partners for time away together. At least once per week, get a trusted babysitter to help you maintain the connection with each other.

The best solution is to share the newborn with loving, caring family members. Get them involved in all aspects - from changing diapers, through washing bottles, putting baby to sleep and providing a safe and enriching entertainment. This is a great way for many persons to enjoy taking care of a child while giving him or her the opportunity to be exposed to different styles. This is likely to develop positive interpersonal skills and emotional intelligence.


Discordant Discipline


Conflict with respect to how and when to discipline children can be yet another bone of contention between partners. One fundamental understanding should cover any and all challenges related to children in the marriage. The couple needs to recall that the vows were made to each other and not to the children. The marriage is between the partners.

The 'for better' introduction of children should not diminish the role of either party. Arriving at common ground with your partner about how to manage relationships with each other, and with the children, is the foundation of a happy home.

The beautiful thing is that children can be such a positive factor in enriching marriages. The joy that comes from nurturing children and watching them develop covers a multitude of challenges and holds the couple together. Successful child rearing contributes to successful marriages.




1. Overcome the challenges of living together before bringing children into the picture.

2. Prepare a financial base that can cope with the additional expenses - long term.

3. Share the child with loving, caring family members to relieve you of some of the burdens of being wife and mother.

4. Pay special attention to the needs of your partner - despite your challenges.

5. Empower children and enrich their experiences versus using them as pawns. Celebrate their achievements and share happy moments together as a well-knit family.

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• Trevor E.S. Smith is a behaviour modification coach with the Success with People Academy, home of formal coaching certification that is accredited by the International Coach Federation and the Society for Human Resource Management. Email: