Sat | Mar 17, 2018

Single Saga | Controlling Dilemma

Published:Sunday | December 4, 2016 | 12:00 AM

The dating world can be quite perilous for women of different ages and stages. Navigating it is often a challenge. Today, we start our brand new series - Single Saga - where women share their stories of dating, sex and the pursuit of love. Today's story explores the issue of control. Enjoy and share your stories with us at

Many women tend to like a man who is strong and has it all together, and I am no different. But there is a thin line between being assertive and strong versus controlling - a lesson I have learnt first-hand.

The dating arena tends to be more like a trip to the zoo. Not that I am calling men wild animals, but I am comparing the diversity of men's personalities to the differences between animals. The timid men are like birds, while others are like temperamental monkeys.

Being single and finding the right person has been a task. I finally decided to resume dating, and thought that a friend I have known for years was a suitable choice. It would be safe because I knew him.

After the first date, I did not feel that there was much of a connection. His personality was a bit rigid, and admittedly, I like to feel like I have a say in what we do. By the end of the date, conversations about the future took an awkward turn. It was as if our future together was finalised and inevitable. It was a date - one date.

The suggestion of a second was not one that I wanted to take up because of the rush, and I already felt like interest was waning tremendously. But I was told that my patience is a little thin, so I decided that I would give him another chance. But I quickly realised that I gave him too much rope, and he hung himself with it. By the end of the day, I was the girlfriend - even after having a two-hour conversation stating that this was just a 'hang out' and I am not trying to rush into a relationship, but rather get to know him. It was a disaster.

I had to block him from every social media outlet, WhatsApp included as well. There was constant calling and text messages. He was constantly professing his love for me and ranting about me not opening up. There was a roller coaster of emotions on his part. I just cruised out and a week later, I was still cleaning out my spam messages which had more than 100 unread messages from him.

But this was not my only encounter. To my fun or demise or whatever, he is not the only person to have completely lost his mind. It started out like a walk in the park: we were friends, we had a connection, everything was great. Then he started going through my messages. Telling guys to stop looking at me when we were out on dates. "Checking in" by popping up unsuspected. Soon enough, it was like I had three parents instead of two, so I bolted.

I still do have an open mind and believe that what is mine can't be anyone else's, but with that said, I am taking it very easy. I am in no rush to get off the market right now if it means being with someone that has no control over themselves while they try to control others.