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Dear Doc | I can't stop giving in to men

Published:Sunday | December 18, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q Doc, could you give me some advice? I am a twice-divorced woman, and men still often tell me I am really attractive.

My problem is that for some reason, I give my body far too readily. I admit that.

Parties seem to be the most dangerous time for me. I just can't seem to help flirting with unattached guys. Very often, a dance with a man leads to kissing in a quiet room. Before I know it, I am giving sexual favours - sometimes even full sex.

On a couple of occasions during the last few months, I ended up having sex all night with some guy I met casually at a party. In the morning the man is always gone! Then I hate myself.

Why do I behave in this fashion, Doc? Is it something to do with the fact that both my husbands ran out on me?

A That does seem quite likely to me. Perhaps the fact that both your husbands ran off with other women has damaged your self-esteem. It certainly sounds like you are trying to prove to yourself that you are still attractive by inducing lots of guys to have sex with you.

Low self-esteem is quite a widespread problem in women who have been dumped. Some of them react like you by hopping into bed with any man who is around - just to prove that they still 'got it'.

The important thing is to grasp that you do not have to prove yourself by getting guys to have sex with you! In fact, in your case, I guess that the best thing would be to resolve not to have sex at all for the next year.

In the meantime, I urge you to find a good counsellor who can teach you certain useful mental exercises which can improve a person's self-esteem.

One final point, the factor that makes so many women 'give in' at parties is the availability of powerful drinks. Alcohol is notorious for lessening people's inhibitions and making them think that maybe a quick 10 minutes of sex would not be such a bad idea. My advice to you is, don't drink this Christmas - at least, not at parties.


Does a lot of sex during early adult life drain your energy?


Q When I was a young guy I had a great deal of sex, Doc. In my teens, I must have had something like six orgasms a week - either with girls or on my own.

Now, a friend has told me that that kind of thing drains a guy's energy and shortens his life. I am almost 30 and I am deeply worried that I may have harmed myself.

What do you think, Doctor?

A No, you haven't harmed yourself. This idea that sex during early adult life drains one's energy and shortens one's life is an Eastern one. It's common in India and Pakistan. Quite a few guys who are from Hindu or Muslim backgrounds have heard this legend and fret about it.

However, that notion is simply not true. I accept that you probably behaved in a rather unwise manner when you were a young guy, but it couldn't have done you any harm health-wise - apart from making you rather tired. I wonder if you had the strength to concentrate on your schoolwork?

But all that is in the past. Please forget about what happened years ago, get on with your life and pay your friend no mind.


Can a woman orgasm 200 times successively?


Q A nurse told me that scientists have discovered a woman who can have 200 orgasms in quick succession! Is this true?

A Curiously enough, what the nurse says is true. There are indeed a few women in the world who can have up to 200 climaxes per hour - without actually meaning to.

Generally, what happens is that any slight stimulus - like the buzz of a hairdryer on the head or the vibration of a car seat kind of 'sets them off'. Contrary to what you might think, this is not much fun for them. You see, it is very difficult to get on with your life when you are having accidental orgasms every few minutes.

This is really a brain disorder and it is medically known as persistent sexual arousal syndrome or PMAS. A young Englishwoman who has severe PMAS developed it as a bad reaction to some medication. She has been quoted as saying: "Boyfriends always feel that they don't have to try very hard with me."

Various treatments for PMAS have been tried. But, fortunately, the disorder sometimes just goes away of its own.


Should I tell my husband I had an affair?


Q Doc, in the early part of this month my husband was away for the night. I met an old school friend (male) who was back in Jamaica on business.

Guess what? We spent the night together. In the morning, we kissed each other goodbye. I know I shall never see him again. I can accept that.

Should I tell my loving husband that I have cheated on him?

A Frankly, I think it would be foolish to do so. Presumably he loves you and, therefore, to tell him that you have been unfaithful would certainly ruin his happiness.

You probably need to talk to someone about this affair and I would suggest that you speak in confidence to a minister of religion or a good counsellor. Meantime, if there is the slightest chance that your school friend has given you any infection, you should see a doctor for tests.


Does an IUD protect against pregnancy?


Q My doctor wants to put one of those medicated IUDs inside me. I don't know why he wants to do that. Maybe it was because I told him I was having some trouble with the menses.

But would this thing interfere with my sex life, Doctor? I have to tell you in strict confidence that I actually have two male partners. They do not know about each other.

Once the device has been put in, would it protect me against getting pregnant by either of these two guys? In other words, would the IUD be 'strong' enough?

A Yes, the medicated IUD can cope with any number of partners. But please remember that if you have two lovers, that probably doubles your chances of a sexually transmitted infection.


Is it safe to have intercourse during my menses?


Q My partner is coming home for the new year, and to be honest, Doctor, we are desperate to have sex. He has been away a long time.

But on the date of his arrival in Jamaica I will still have my menses, I think.

During the period, how long will it be before it is safe to have intercourse?

A It is perfectly safe to have intercourse at any time during the menses, though many people find it rather messy.

But why don't you ask a doctor to prescribe you a tablet that would delay your period until the new year?


Addicted to women


Q As a 29-year-old guy, my problem is that I just can't leave women alone! Do you think I should get my male hormones checked, doctor?

A It is really unlikely that your male hormone levels are too high. If you want to alter your 'Casanova' behaviour, consult a psychologist or a therapist.