Wed | Nov 13, 2019

Make up to break up

Published:Sunday | January 1, 2017 | 12:00 AMKrysta Anderson

Make up to break up

We all know or have heard the words in the Stylistic's song: "Make up to break up, that's all we do. First you love me, then you hate me, It's a game for fools."

For this week's Outlook, we will explore the relationship of Charmaine Dawkins*, who discovered that this very song became the foundation of her union.

Dawkins was a 32-year-old living in the fast lane. Her career was booming and she was having the time of her life. There was only one setback - her boyfriend, Sean Deans*. According to Dawkins, he was a struggling sous chef, with way too much time on his hands, and so their relationship experienced turbulence almost from the very beginning.




The two met at Dawkins' family home, became friends but parted ways some time later, only to reunite at an event. He worked with the catering company catering the event and she was a social media coordinator for the company hosting the event. The two chatted over cocktails after the event, and sparked a new flame. They dated for three months, but Deans had to return home after being laid off from his job. However, he bounced back quickly, finding work at not one, but two restaurants.

"Work would carry me all over, and sometimes it was hard to keep up with the constant text messages and calls. This would be an issue for him," Dawkins explained to Outlook. It didn't help that their relationship had become long distance, and because of this, Dawkins began noticing Deans' new need for affirmation.

"He couldn't visit as often because he worked day and night, and I couldn't see him as often because of my hectic schedule. So every so often an argument would develop and in the heat of the moment, Sean would throw in the towel, and call it quits," she revealed. She would try to talk it over with him because, she admitted, she had fallen in love with him. But he was beyond reasoning at that point, so she let him go, hoping and praying that he would return.

And he did. During that time to relieve her heart break, Dawkins would make work her refuge, and took the opportunity to go out more, or try new and exciting things. When he returned, Dawkins confessed, she welcomed him with open arms, and they seem to pick up where they left off.

However, as time went by, she realised that she was party to a vicious cycle of make up to break up.

"He seemed to like creating arguments just to break up with me, only to return two or three months later saying he was sorry and how much he loved me. What he did during that time was beyond me, since he maintained radio silence, rejecting all my calls. And he was always verbally abusive during that time, too. I often wondered if he was bipolar or something. Anyway, I knew when I was not wanted, so I took the hint and, as I said before, focused on myself and work," Dawkins disclosed.

One of the biggest fights she remembered, was after his birthday. After she sacrificed time away from work to spend the day and night with him, she went home to be greeted by messages, accusing her of cheating. She said she went to address those false allegations face to face, but he locked her out physically and mentally, "I told him I would give him a few days, and then I would be done with him. He said I could go from now because he didn't want to be with a liar and a cheat."

Pride bruised, heartbroken, Dawkins returned home and began picking up the pieces. Months later on a trip to her family home, her best friend decided to cheer her up by getting her out of the house. Little did she know that she was being set up on a blind date. After meeting a new guy, Dawkins felt at ease laughing and smiling at her date's compliments. "Hours later, while still on the date, I received a shocking call from my ex, demanding why I was out with another man. I was confused, pointing out to him that we had broken up." She hung up and explained the situation to her date, who was now concerned.

The two new lovebirds decided to give it a try, but every step they would make, Deans seemed to be one step behind, plaguing the couple everywhere they went. "At one point, I thought he had informants, because he would just show up where we were and watch us. He would even carry his own date to evoke some jealousy out of me, but I was busy enjoying attention from my new beau," she declared.

The new relationship went on for a year until her boyfriend had to migrate for work. They decided to not go the distance and just remain friends. Deans saw this as an opportunity to reclaim the love of his life and became relentless in his pursuit of her. Months later, he conquered, but Dawkins had changed.

"I guess I went back out of love, but I wasn't the same. I didn't feel the way Sean felt. He now seemed childish, insecure and downright corny in his approach to everything in life. Even the sex had lost its lustre," she noted. So after three brief months, when Deans had brought marriage to the table, Dawkins opted for a break-up and finally broke free of the cycle.

* Names changed