Dear Doc | Am I losing my nature?
Q As a married man who just turned 30, I have noticed that my sex drive is not quite as strong as it use to be. For instance, I no longer feel the urge to have a girlfriend, as well as my wife!
At present, my beautiful spouse and I have sexual intercourse around three times for the week. This is definitely less than we used to when we were in our 20s.
So is it all downhill from now on, Doc?
A No, not at all. It is true that for most men and women, there is a slight decrease in frequency of intercourse after around age 30. Statistics suggest that most people would have sex about two to three times per week in their 20s, and twice a week in their 30s - and then about once or twice a week in their 40s.
But there are individual variations, and some people in their 30s and 40s will have sex much more often than that. It partly depends on how fit you are.
So you can both look forward to a pleasant sex life together, until you are well into your 70s.
Bleeding after rough sex
Q I had sex with a new man last week. He was a little rough, so I don't think I shall see him again.
But ever since, I have noticed a little bright red blood coming from my vagina.
Is this serious,Doc?
A Probably not. 'Rough' men often manage to inflict small flesh wounds on their partners. Frequently, what happens is that the man's fingernail causes a small cut in the vagina.
The cut will probably heal pretty quickly, but in the meantime, you should have a check-up from a doctor - just in case there is any other explanation for the bleeding.
My wife wants me to have a vasectomy
Q My wife wants me to have a vasectomy, but I am terrified, Doc!
Is it true that they cut into the penis? I would not like that at all.
A No, that is totally untrue. The entire thing is done through the skin of the scrotum, and it hurts very little.
The procedure starts with a local anaesthic injection to numb the skin. Then the surgeon usually makes a small cut on one side of the scrotum through which he can block or clip the 'vas'- which is the tube that carries sperm from the testicles.
Then he does exactly the same thing on the other side. The whole process only takes around 10 minutes. Usually, you can go home in half hour or so.
You can have sex a few hours after if you wish. But you must remember that you will still be producing sperm for a few weeks - because they may be 'hiding' in the upper parts of your piping, well above where the surgeon has operated.
My husband is impotent
QI am a woman who has always wanted quite a lot of sex. But since my husband was treated for cancer two years ago, he has been unable to give it to me. In short, he is impotent.
So he has come up with a plan. He suggests that we should arrange with a good-looking young man (who we have known for a few years) to give me sex regularly - maybe once a week. To be honest, Doc, I quite like the idea. It could provide a simple solution to the problem.
What do you think?
A Well, occasionally, I have encountered couples who have adopted this idea of 'bringing in a younger man'. I do remember a case in France where the three persons involved made a reasonable success of it. But French morals are rather different!
Now there are real risks in your scheme. To name a few:
- Your husband may get jealous of this young man.
- The young man may fall in love with you.
- You may fall in love with him.
- You might get pregnant.
- The young man may give you an infection.
- He might get a girlfriend - and she could get very upset about what he is doing with you.
So I just make two alternate suggestions:
1. Your husband could try and get some very good medical treatment for his erectile dysfunction (ED).
2. He could perhaps satisfy you with vibrators and sex aids.
These courses of action might perhaps be preferable to bringing in a younger man into your relationship complicating matters.
IUD and sex
Q Doc, I was just reaching climax last night when my man suddenly shouted that something was hurting him - inside my vagina.
I investigated with my finger, and found that there was a very hard piece of something like plastic. I think it is coming out of my cervix. Please advise.
A I think you must be a user of the contraceptive coil (the IUD). Maybe you forgot to tell me that.
Anyway, your symptoms are typical of what happens when a coil starts to come out. The 'stem' of the device comes through the cervix and into the top of the vagina. If it gets stuck there, the woman's sexual partner will be able to feel it as something very hard and uncomfortable.
So you must see a doctor immediately. She will examine you, and if this is a coil coming out, she will remove it completely.
Warning: this coil is no longer giving you any protection against pregnancy. So please do not have sex until you have been provided with some reliable form of contraception.
Intercourse and pregnancy
Q Is it OK to continue having sex with my fiancÈe even though she is now pregnant?
A Yes. Unless the midwife or the doctor has prohibited it, it is usually all right to continue having gentle sex during pregnancy.
Q Good day, Doc. I am considering having a 'female sterilisation.'
But what does it involve? And how do they do it?
A There are various ways of sterilising a female. Mostly it is done by making two very small holes in the lower part of the stomach. Then the gynecologist pushes a telescope - like instrument inside - and next she clips (or puts a ring round) the two Fallopian tubes.
That makes it almost impossible for the ova (eggs) to get from the ovaries to the womb.
My girlfriend wants me to 'go down'
Q My girlfriend is demanding that I 'go down' on her. But Doc, is it possible that I could catch anything that way?
A Occasionally, a man catches mouth or throat infections from giving a woman oral sex. But this can only happen if the woman has something like gonorrhoea ('the clap') or herpes.
If your girlfriend is clean, there should be no problem.
Discharge after one-night stand
Q Two weeks ago, I had a one-night stand with a tourist in Montego Bay. Now I have suddenly developed a very bad discharge, Doc. It is yellow, but I don't have any soreness.
The worst thing is that the discharge smells very bad - a little like fish. What is wrong with me?
A Well, you probably picked up a germ from this visitor in Montego Bay. I suspect it may be the type they call an 'anaerobe', since they tend to cause a bad odour.
Fortunately this can be treated. Please go to a doctor's office or clinic where they can do some tests and give you the right antibiotics. Please do not have sex until you are cured!