Thu | Sep 21, 2017

Dear Doc | Caught my husband watching Lesbian porn

Published:Sunday | February 5, 2017 | 2:00 AM

Q I have been married to my husband for almost two years, and thought I knew him. But yesterday, to my horror, I found him watching what can only be described as 'lesbian porn!'

I unexpectedly came home early, and he did not hear me enter. When I walked into his den, I found him gazing at a screen on which two naked girls were on a large bed kissing each other's vaginas, and stuff like that.

I screamed at him: 'You pervert!' But he just laughed at me and said that it was 'perfectly normal' for men to look at this sort of thing. He said that he looks at what he called 'lesbo porn' for an hour or more every day. He claims that all his friends did the same.

Doc, is he right? Or is he really some sort of kinky sex maniac? If so, I would consider divorce.

A Well, this is a most unfortunate situation. I do hope that what has happened doesn't ruin your marriage.

Let us try and calmly look at the facts. Whether we like it or not, we have to accept that a substantial number of men (but definitely not all), are turned on by the idea of girl-girl sex. That is why in countries where live sexual cabaret shows are permitted, there is nearly always a lesbian component. So your husband is not all that unusual.

If you find that hard to believe, then just go on to Google, and type in the words 'lesbian porn.' You will immediately be offered around 25 million different sites! And it is clear that these websites are really intended for male viewers, although I suppose a few lesbians might look at them, too.

Now, you may ask why so many men are attracted to the idea of female-female sex. That is very difficult to answer. Some psychologists have theorised that it may be because a lot of men think along the lines of 'four breasts must be better than two.' There may be some truth in the experts' psychological theory.

But whatever the explanation, we have to deal with the difficult reality that you caught your husband looking at lesbian porn. This was obviously very upsetting for you, but I don't think that any experienced lawyer would say that it is grounds for divorce.

However, I think it is worrying that he spends an hour each day looking at this kind of thing. That suggests that he has a bad case of porn addiction.

What I think you should do now is to sit down with your husband and explain to him just how bad this episode has made you feel. Tell him that you feel that his behaviour has made you think about divorce. You should then ask him to go with you to a marriage counsellor or a clergyman or some other experienced and understanding person with whom the two of you could talk things over.

I hope that this discussion will help your husband see that there is something crazy about spending an hour every day watching porn - including lesbian porn.

 

Is she cheating?

 

Q: Hello, doc. Do you think my wife is cheating on me? I have noticed that in the last few months she has suddenly become a lot more interested in sex.

This is very surprising. When we got married a few years ago, she only wanted sex around once a month. But now she wants it two to three times for the week.

Is this evidence that she has another man?

A No, not at all. When a wife becomes more interested in sex, that does not suggest that she has a lover!

I would guess that when you got married, your spouse was quite shy about sex. But in recent months, she has got used to your lovemaking, and has really started to enjoy what you do in bed. I think you should regard this as good news, and not something to be worried about.

 

Will the Pill hurt me?

 

Q Doc, the last time I was on the contraceptive Pill, (which was a few years ago), I got very bad pain in my calves and couldn't walk properly for a few weeks. A doctor told me that it might have been due to the Pill. So I stopped taking it.

Now I have met a new and exciting man, and thinking of resuming the Pill. Would that be OK?

A No! That would not be a good idea at all. Please don't do it.

When you got that pain in your leg, it is obvious that your doctor thought you might have a thrombosis (or clot) in your calf. That is a life-threatening condition, and it is sometimes caused by the Pill.

So what you should do now is to go back to that doctor and ask her about other methods of contraception that do not involve the risk of thrombosis.

 

Menses after menopause

 

Q I went through menopause several years ago, and of course, my monthly cycle stopped.

To my surprise, it recently returned - about every three weeks, though it is not regular.

What is the cause of this renewed periods?

A These are not periods! I would like every female reader to take note of what I am about to say.

Bleeding after menopause is not menstruation. It is a symptom of something wrong in the womb, or maybe the ovaries. Unfortunately, this 'something wrong' is often cancer.

So do not just ignore this post-menopausal bleeding. You should see a doctor immediately - preferably a gynaecologist. Do not delay!

 

Reaching the climax

 

Q As a 33-year-old man, I am still bewildered by many women! Doc, how do you know if a woman is having a real orgasm?

Again and again, I have climaxed and think that the woman has, too. Yet all too often, they say to me: 'But I haven't come yet!' And then of course, I can't do much about it because I have lost my erection.

Any ideas, Doc?

A Well, I sometimes think that it is one of nature's little jokes that when a man has orgasmed, he usually (not invariably) loses his erection as well.

You sound as though you are leading a somewhat 'racy' sex life, apparently with multiple partners. I would advise you to cut down on this.

If you only had one partner, you could get used to the way her body responds, and you might have more of an idea about whether she is about to climax or not!

But in general, you can tell whether a woman is nearing her orgasm by looking out for signs such as:

- Increased breathing

- Repeated groans or little moans;

- Curling of the toes;

- If she is fair-skinned, a slight 'rash' on the upper chest.

Also, many women give a little shriek when they orgasm.

Finally, please bear in mind that even though you may have lost your erection after a climax, you can still bring your partner to orgasm with love play techniques.

deardoc@gleanerjm.com