Fri | Jul 20, 2018

Dear Doc | My husband wants me to have multiple orgasms

Published:Sunday | March 12, 2017 | 12:00 AM

Q Doc, my husband keeps telling me that I should have multiple orgasms.

He is a biology teacher, and he claims to know a lot about such things! But I have never really wanted to have multiple orgasms, doctor - I am pretty satisfied with just one! I do have a climax pretty well every time we have sex, and most times we mange to come at the same time which is kind of nice.

I suspect that part of the trouble is that he knows that 10 years ago, I had a boyfriend who was from Haiti, and he was very good in bed.

Unfortunately, I once told my husband that the Haitian guy used to make me orgasm multiple times in one evening. I wish I had not told him that because I think it has stuck in his mind.

A Yes, I guess you are probably right. No husband likes being told that a previous lover used to be 'better' than him in bed.

This question of multiple orgasms is a complex one. Until recently, a lot of doctors thought that most women weren't capable of having them. But research has shown that this just isn't true.

A recent study in England has suggested that most women are capable of multiple orgasms if they really wanted to. The crucial words are 'if they really wanted to'.

Honestly, quite a lot of women do not particularly want to have multiple orgasms in an evening. They may well feel that after a busy day, one climax is enough!

However, it is certainly true that some women do like to 'come' five or six times in a night - or maybe even more. Or they may like to do this occasionally, but not all the time.

Unfortunately, some men do regard it as a kind of badge of honour if they can make a woman have repeated orgasms in one night. I guess that may be the case with your husband, especially as he knows how you used to respond to your Haitian boyfriend. So probably your spouse has been thinking to himself, 'Why can't she have multiple orgasms with me?' Therefore, I recommend that you just keep telling him how good he is in the sack, and how he gives you all the pleasure that you want.

Try to impress on him the fact that you really don't want multiple climaxes these days, except perhaps on special occasions, like (say) your birthday. He may well be able to understand that multiple orgasms usually make a woman very tired - and that you don't want to be too exhausted to do your work the next day!


Fixing a low sperm count


Q My wife and I have been married for some time now, and we have never used any contraceptive. But we haven't been able to conceive.

My wife had a medical check-up, which went well. But when I visited the doctor, they said that my sperm count was low - 17 million.

Couldn't this still be enough to get my wife pregnant? And what should I do?

A Well, a normal sperm count is often reckoned to be between 20 and 30 million. Your reported count of 17 million is a bit on the low side, but it's really not too bad. Some doctors would regard it as 'low normal'.

In fact, it might well be enough to get your wife pregnant, provided that the sperm looked normal and were active under the microscope - in other words, swimming around energetically. You should ask your doctor for further information about how active your sperms were.

He will probably tell you that you should keep yourself as fit as possible, and avoid alcohol and tobacco. My advice to you is to find out when your wife's ovulation day is each month - that is, the day when she produces an ovum or egg.

On that day, you should have sex with her at least once, assuming she is agreeable! With luck, the two of you may 'ring the bell' within a few cycles.

But if at the end of six months, you have no luck, then you should go back to the doctor for further advice and tests. Very good luck to you both.


Help for depression


Q Hello doctor. I've been suffering from severe depression, self-esteem issues, anxiety, hair-pulling and crying fits.

I've seen psychiatrists and psychologists, but nothing has helped. Could you recommend some kind of counsellor or therapist, preferably that's based in Jamaica? I just want someone to talk to who understands and has empathy.

A Very sorry to hear about this. From reading your email, I suspect that you may have clinical depression. So the first step would be to see a medical doctor and ask him or her if you should go on antidepressant medication. Your desire for a counsellor or therapist who has empathy is very understandable. I think you should begin by Googling 'Jamaica Counselling Services' and you will then see a range of organisations which could help you. Good luck.


Can't get an erection with my partner


Q Good day. I hope all is well, I have a female partner, and I find that when I want to have sex with her, I cannot get an erection at all.

But whenever she is not around, I find that I have multiple erections, and for long periods too.

Is there anything wrong with my sex drive, Doc?

A I doubt it, since you are having all these erections when your partner is not around. So the basic mechanics of your sex organs seem to be OK.

This does suggest that maybe your problem is psychological. Is there some reason why your unconscious mind does not want to have sex with this woman? Is she, for instance, someone else's wife or girlfriend, so you may feel guilty about having sex with her?

One thing is certain: you should consult a doctor who is experienced in dealing with erectile dysfunction (ED). I imagine that he will examine you and do some tests mainly to find out whether you do have any physical reason for these problems with getting an erection. Please take along a urine specimen, so the doctor can test you for diabetes.


Sex after child birth


Q How soon after having a baby can I have sex with my husband?

A Personally, I don't think that a couple should have sex until around eight weeks after the delivery. But really, you should be guided by your doctor.

Don't forget that there is no harm in engaging in 'love play' during this time. But, most important, do not allow your husband to give you oral sex during those first weeks after childbirth. This can occasionally be very dangerous, as it may introduce air into the womb.

Itching in pubic hair

Q I am a male, and my pubic area keep itching me. Also, dry skin keeps coming off.

Should I see a doctor?

A Yes. This is probably a fungus infection around the genitals. If the doctor confirms this, she will give you some anti-fungal cream. Avoid sex until you have been treated.