Thu | May 24, 2018

Dear Doc | They wanted anal sex

Published:Sunday | March 19, 2017 | 12:00 AM

Q I am divorced and trying to get back to a normal social life, and doing some dating. But I am puzzled by one thing, Doc.

Twice I have been to bed with men who wanted to have anal sex with me. I did not agree! Fortunately, they were both fairly happy with my refusal. I think one of them was quite pleased that he didn't have to go through with it.

Things must have changed, because this was not a part of dating when I was young. We didn't even talk about such things.

But I would like to ask you three questions about this practice, Doc:

1. Why has it become so common?

2. Does it indicate homosexuality in the man?

3. Isn't it very unhygienic?

A Thank you for your enquiry. Although it is difficult to get reliable statistics, I think you are right. Anal sex does seem to have become more common in many parts of the world.

Why? Well, my impression is that it is partly because of pornography. Nowadays, vast numbers of young people (and many older ones) watch them and they give the wrong impression that anal sex is just a routine thing.

In these films, what happens quite frequently is that a couple have 'ordinary sex', and then the 'heroine' turns over and offers the 'hero' her anus. This doesn't make much sense, because in real life, most women are not keen on rectal sex, and find it uncomfortable, even painful.

As it relates to your second question, which is about homosexuality - no, I don't think that there is any evidence that men who want to have anal sex with women are gay. Mostly, they just like the idea of trying something new and exotic. Also, some men want to experience the greater 'tightness' that this form of intercourse produces.

As it relates to your third question about it being hygienic, the answer is that unless you are very careful, it can be.

You see, the anus is one of the most germ-laden parts of the human body. In particular, there are usually lots of the bacteria called E. coli or Escherichia coli.

Some strains of E. coli can be harmless, but others can cause illnesses such as urinary tract infections and serious food poisoning - even meningitis, so it is best to avoid this germ.

Certainly, if couples want to go in for this form of sex, they should take great care to wash the intimate parts of their body immediately afterwards.

Finally, I want to make the point that no woman should be pressured into this by a man and should not do it if she doesn't want to.


Trying to have a baby


Q Hi, Doc. My husband and I are a recently married couple who are thinking of having a baby in a few months.

I have had a miscarriage in the past - not with my husband, so I am a bit worried.

I also have hormone problems and irregular periods, which could make it pretty difficult for me to get pregnant.

What can I do to increase the chances of conceiving, Doc?

My husband is a really good man, so I definitely want to give him a child. And I get sad that I'm not able to 'just like that'.

A I am sure that you will be able to give him a child so cheer up.

First, let's deal with your history of miscarriage. Few persons realise how common miscarriages are. Amazingly, one in five pregnancies ends this way. So your history of a single miscarriage is not unusual, and should not affect your chances of conceiving again.

Now, you say that you have hormone problems, and I'm guessing that you don't know exactly what they are. But certainly, your menses are irregular, and this suggests that you are also ovulating (releasing an egg) irregularly.

Therefore, your next move should be to find a doctor who can help you find out the days on which you are ovulating. She may advise you to buy an ovulation kit from a pharmacy. Once you have established which day you are ovulating, you and your husband must make sure that you have sex on those days - preferably twice.

Good luck.


Am I fertile, Doc?


Q I am a 28-year-old male, and I masturbate regularly. I have no difficulty in doing this.

So can I assume that I must be fertile, Doc?

A No, not at all. I don't know why you want to make sure that you are fertile, but the only way to do this would be to take a sperm test.


When is the best time to conceive?


Q With all the advice against getting pregnant because of the arrival of the Zika virus, when would you advise is the best time for couples to conceive? Maybe next year?

A Well, if you are not in a hurry to get pregnant, there is a case for delaying conception at the moment. If you do become pregnant, you should, of course, take every possible measure to avoid mosquito bites.


I can't orgasm in a woman


Q I am male, and I have what I guess is a very unusual problem. Doc, I just cannot orgasm inside a woman.

I can climax at other times, like if my fiancÈe and I are fooling around and she gives me a hand job. But for some reason, I cannot do it inside the vagina.


A You have a well-known (but uncommon) medical condition called delayed ejaculation. I suggest that you look up those two words on the Internet. You will find that there are nearly half a million websites offering advice.

You will also see that this condition is very often psychological. For instance, the man's subconscious may not want to allow him to 'let go' and orgasm inside a woman - even though he can do it in her hand, or through self-masturbation.

You really need a doctor or therapist who can counsel you and your fiancee. Quite often it is possible for the man to learn to orgasm nearer to the vagina, until eventually he can do it inside.

One final point: A few cases of delayed ejaculation are caused from taking certain medications. If this is the case with you, stopping the medication would help.


Tricked by twins


Q I am a 29-year-old female, and I strongly suspect that I may have been tricked. I live close to identical twins. I dated one of them a few times, and eventually we had sex. I insisted that he uses a condom.

Last week, he came around to my house again. Or I thought he did. But he seemed a little different. We had sex, and again I insisted that he wore a condom.

Now I suspect that this guy was the other twin - pretending to be his brother. So I contacted the first guy, and he just laughed at me, and told me not to be silly.

What do you think, Doc?

A If a guy has sex with a woman by pretending to be someone else, legally that counts as rape. But at the moment, you would find it difficult to prove that you had been tricked in this way.

My advice: Have nothing more to do with either of these guys. They just sound like trouble.