Dear Doc | Did my wife cheat and get pregnant?
Q Doctor, I need your advice urgently. I am in a terrible situation - I think my wife has cheated on me and has become pregnant as a result.
You see, several years ago when I was in England, I got a vasectomy. I felt that it was a very good thing that I was now sterile, and could have sex with whomever I liked.
Then I returned to Jamaica and married a lovely woman. I did not tell her that I had done a vasectomy. For several years we were very happy - she did occasionally talk about having children, but I paid her no mind.
Then last month, the bombshell dropped! She told me that she was pregnant. I could not believe it. Since I have had a vasectomy, then surely she must be pregnant by someone else?
What should I do?
A Well, don't be too hasty now. What you need to remember is that the vasectomy operation does have a 'failure rate'. In other words, sometimes sperms do get through and can cause a pregnancy.
The failure rate in vasectomy is generally reckoned to be around one in 2,000. So it is possible that this child is yours - although the odds against it are considerable.
I think that you should now do two things:
1. Go to a doctor and ask him to arrange a sperm test for you. The test will show whether there are any sperms swimming around in your semen. If they are, you can safely assume that the baby is yours.
Even if the lab can't find any sperms, there is still just a tiny chance that an odd one may have got through and fertilised your wife.
2. The other thing you must do is to sit down and talk to your wife, preferably in a quiet, calm way. You need to explain to her that you had a vasectomy in England, therefore you are puzzled as to how she can be pregnant. I feel you must ask her quite frankly whether she has cheated. But you must admit that you should have told her about the vasectomy.
I hope that your spouse is not giving you a 'jacket', but it may be necessary to do a DNA test after the baby is born.
My husband's penis is too long
Q Doctor, my problem is that my husband's penis is too long for me. Whenever he thrusts during intercourse, it hurts around the region of my cervix.
I have heard that there is a device that men can wear in order to prevent him from thrusting too deep. Is that true, Doc?
A Yes, there is such a device. It was invented because of the fact that deep penetration is painful for quite a lot of women.
It is called a 'donut' (or 'doughnut.'). It's like a disc, about three inches across, with a hole in the middle. The idea is that the man puts his penis through the hole, and then pushes the donut down to the base of his organ. This should prevent him from penetrating too deeply into his partner.
You can buy these devices on the Internet, usually they are quite cheap. But if you wish, you can also make one out of a cork or some similar clean material.
One final point. You noted that the pain is coming from the region of your cervix, so I think it would be wise to ask a doctor to take a look at your cervix. She will be able to see if you have a cervical erosion, or some other condition of the cervix which is causing tenderness.
Can I stop using condoms?
Q Doctor, I am a 36-year-old man. Can I assume that my fertility is now starting to decline so I could do without using condoms?
A No way! Your fertility may start to decrease slightly at the age of 25 or so, but not by much.
Men usually remain fertile until in their 70s. Charlie Chaplin actually fathered a child a the age of 73. And in India, a man recently become a father at the age of 96!
So I guess you should continue to use condoms for a very long time.
Pain when urinating
Q Doctor, I received oral sex from a woman in Kingston and I am now experiencing pain whenever I urinate.
Is it possible to get a venereal disease from oral contact?
A Sure it is! Both gonorrhoea and chlamydia can be transmitted in this way, so please go and get yourself tested.
Using contraception after menopause
Q I will be approaching menopause in a few years. How long after that would I have to continue using a form of contraception?
I have heard that it is not possible for women to get pregnant after 'the change.' Is that true?
A No, it is not! Pregnancies after menopause are uncommon, but they do occur. I remember one women who became pregnant at the age of 56!
Traditionally, expert opinion has been that if a woman reaches 'the change' before the age of 50, she should use contraception for another two years. But if she reaches it at 50, then she should use contraception for just one year.
Does masturbation pose any health risks?
Q I am male and I have been masturbating a lot. Sometimes. I do it as much as five times a day.
Doctor, I even do it after sex with my lovely girlfriend. I am scared to tell her this. Will it pose any health issues?
A I wonder if you are really telling me the truth? I have never met a patient who gave me a medical history quite like yours!
However, if your story is true, I would conclude that there are two possibilities:
1. You may be trying to prove something - like how virile you are;
2. You may have a high testosterone level.
I can assure you, your masturbating habits will not cause you any health issues, except that you may get rather sore and possibly rather swollen.
It does seem to me that it would be a good idea to talk things over with your girlfriend. I hope she will be understanding.
How soon after giving birth can I conceive again?
Q I just had a baby and I plan to breastfeed. How soon will I be at risk of getting pregnant again?
A Please be careful. A lot of unplanned conceptions happen fairly soon after childbirth. This is because the woman thinks she is 'safe', but she isn't.
If you breastfeed, then your menses may take months to resume. But be warned that you can get pregnant during the weeks before your period returns. Also, if you are not breastfeeding very intensively, your body might just decide to release an ovum (egg), so you would be at risk of conception.
My own view is that by the time your baby is four weeks old, you should assume that you might be fertile, and, therefore, could conceive again. It is usually not a good idea to go on the Pill, because this may stop the milk.
So, what doctors often do is to put new mothers on the mini Pill, which does not suppress lactation. Good luck.