Thu | Jan 18, 2018

Dear Doc | Lost my nature with an older woman

Published:Sunday | April 9, 2017 | 12:00 AM

Q Doc, I think I'm losing my ability to have an erection! I am a 26-year-old male, who recently had sex with an older woman. Everything went well during foreplay, but after I started to have sex with her, everything went 'dead.'

I was a bit surprised, as I've never experienced anything like that since I had sex for the first time. This woman has a beautiful body, so I don't know what went wrong. She, too, seemed surprised!

So I tried to remain calm, and eventually it came to 'life'. I have now had sex with this older woman four times, and it was on the fourth occasion that things went wrong.

Is there a serious health problem with me? Should I go to a doctor?

A Well, you didn't say how old this woman is, but I get the impression that maybe she is in her 40s or 50s. However, it doesn't really matter, because you say that she has 'a beautiful body'. So presumably you find her very attractive.

Obviously, this experience was pretty distressing. But what you should realise is this - virtually all men have, at some time, had a erection failure while in bed with a woman. I have heard that statement made repeatedly at medical conferences all over the world, and no one has ever jumped up and said 'Oh no! It's never happened to me!'

My point is that doctors agree that practically all men do have occasions when they just can't 'make it'. And that's what happened to you.

Therefore, you don't need to worry that there is anything wrong with you. I can't tell you why the difficulty occurred on that particular night.

Possible reasons include:

• Alcohol (had you been drinking?)

• Drugs

• Tiredness

• Anxiety or guilt

Anyway, whatever was going on that evening, you may never have erection difficulties again. There would be no point in going to a doctor and telling him about this. He wouldn't launch any complex and expensive series of tests just because you had one single episode of failing to 'make it'.

Good luck, and I hope it doesn't happen to you again. Please remember to practise safe sex!


Best morning-after method


Q Doc, what is the best 'morning-after' method?

A Obviously, you are talking about 'after sex' or 'post-coital' contraception, sometimes called emergency contraception.

Post-coital pills such as Postinor are fine. But certain experts believe that the most effective method is the post-coital IUD. This is simply a copper coil which is inserted into the womb by a doctor, or occasionally a nurse.

A very good point about it is that once it's in, you can, if you wish, keep it in for several years. So it gives you continued contraception.


Considering circumcision


QI am a 30-year-old man who is considering doing a circumcision, Doc.

So is it true that this operation will protect a man against HIV?

A Not really. But it is true that trials in Africa have shown that circumcision does reduce the chances of HIV to some extent.

However, the best way to protect yourself against this germ is to avoid casual and promiscuous sex, whether with men or women. And if you do have sex with someone who isn't your regular partner, it is vitally important that you use a condom. That advice could save your life!


Sex with a tampon


QIs it safe to have sex with a tampon inside, Doc?

ANo. Please do not do this. It could lead to an infection.


Trying to conceive


QGood day, Doc, my wife and I need help. We have been trying to get pregnant for six years now. The tests show we are perfectly normal and should be able to conceive naturally.

However, she is 40 and I am 36. The three doctors keep telling us to be patient, and not to worry about our ages. But I am still worried. My wife still sees her normal menses.

Is there any roots we can drink, or any medication we can take?

ANo, I don't think those things would help. You say that your wife is having normal periods, so you should ask one of your doctors to help you pinpoint the day of the month when she is ovulating. Try to have quite a lot of sex around that time.

You also ask me whether your wife should do a test to see if her tubes are blocked. Good luck to you both.


Prostatitis and cancer


QI am a 51-year-old man, and I have been diagnosed with 'prostatitis' or inflammation of the prostate gland, for the last 24 years now.

Could this lead to cancer?

AWell, quite a few middle-age men have inflammation of the prostate. Often, it is caused from an infection acquired earlier in life. Some cases are due to sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) like gonorrhoea, but others aren't.

What I think you should do is to get your prostatitis treated vigorously by a doctor who is an expert in these matters - like a urologist. With luck, it can be completely cured.

Currently, there is no cast-iron evidence to link prostatitis to prostate cancer. But that particular cancer is so common in Jamaica, that I feel you should have regular prostate check-ups from a doctor (say, once a year). Also, I would recommend that you periodically have the blood test called 'PSA'. This stands for 'Prostate-Specific Antigen.' Although it is a bit of a controversial test, if anything nasty starts up in your prostate, it might help to give you an early warning.


Bleeding after sex


QDear Doc, I had sex with a man two months ago, and afterwards I started bleeding - just for a short time. So I went to a doctor, who examined me and did a 'Pap smear.' Everything came back OK.

The doctor gave me some stuff called 'Drez V Gel' to insert.

But I still bleed occasionally after sex. What's wrong with me? I think I have cancer, and they are not telling me.

AThat is most unlikely. Your symptoms do not sound like cancer at all.

Your Pap smear was apparently negative, so that pretty much rules out cancer of the cervix. The Dez V Gel, which the doctor gave you, is intended to defeat bacterial and fungal infections. So that should have knocked out any kind of vaginal infection.

My best guess is that you may have a small cut inside which has not properly healed. Therefore, I recommend that you do not have sex for at least two weeks, and then ask the doctor to examine you again. Good luck.


Tight foreskin


QDoc, I am a man who finds it challenging to fully retract the foreskin of my erect penis, so as to expose the head. Could this possibly be phimosis or any other serious condition?

APhimosis isn't a 'serious condition.' It just means 'a tight foreskin.'

Yours is clearly a little bit too tight, so you do have a degree of phimosis.

But cheer up! You may not need to take an operation. If you contact an experienced doctor, he may well be able to help you by prescribing a gentle cream that helps the foreskin to stretch. I am sure you will be OK.