Sun | Jan 21, 2018

Dear Doc | My wife left me .. Is it because of my penis?

Published:Sunday | April 16, 2017 | 12:00 AM

Q My wife has left me for another man, Doc. I am sure it is because she is dissatisfied with my penis, and prefers his.

What can I do about this?

A That is the kind of crazy idea that men get, sir! Women do not leave men because they want a better penis. That is a typically male point of view.

It is far more likely that your wife left you for one of a variety of emotional reasons. She may have been bored or angry, or resentful about the way you treated her. Maybe you didn't show her enough love?

Please think about these things. But forget the idea that it was all to do with your penis.


I want to visit a brothel


Q Hi, Doc. I am a 30-year-old bachelor who only had sex a few times, and that was years ago.

I would like a more active sex life, or to even get married, but, unfortunately, I am very shy. My last date was five years ago, and since then, the few girls I have approached have turned me down.

I have heard that there are a few brothels in Kingston, so I am considering travelling there to have sex with these women.

What do you think, Doctor?

A Please don't do this. I am not sure if there really are any actual brothels in the Corporate Area, but there are certainly strip clubs and sex shops where it is acceptable to go into a back room with a young woman and have intercourse with her for a fee.

What I am concerned about is the huge health risks. There is a very high chance of you getting a sexually transmitted disease. Let's say that a girl who is working in one of these establishments has six partners a day. I believe that some of these men have refused to wear a condom.

So every time one of these unfortunate girls has intercourse with a man who 'rides bareback', she is receiving 'man fluid' which is likely to contain the germs of gonorrhoea ('the clap'), chlamydia or other infections. It could even contain the dreaded HIV.

Therefore, if you have sex with the same young woman, there is a chance that you too will catch the infection, and that could seriously damage your health!

Although my next point has nothing to do with medicine, I should add that I am told that in these establishments there is a good chance of you being robbed. That is not a pleasant prospect.

Now, I am sorry to hear that you are so shy. This problem must be dealt with, as it is really affecting your life. The first thing that I ask is that you remember that there are many nice, shy women out there. Lots of them would be delighted to meet a shy guy like you, and maybe even marry him.

Next, I am asking you to look carefully at a website called Getting Over Shyness. It is full of tips for dealing with this issue. There are also a lot of other sites which offer practical advice on how to overcome your difficulties with social interaction.

Finally, I think you should join one of the many dating sites which now exist for shy people. You can meet a lot of women, both online and in reality, who would really like to talk with you.

But do not be tempted to get involved with brothels or massage parlours. They will be of no good to you at all.


What is endometriosis?


Q I have been unable to have sex with my boyfriend for months because of pain 'down below.' But now I have been diagnosed with something called endometriosis.

What is that, Doc?

A It is good that you now have a diagnosis. Endometriosis is a common condition, particularly in women over the age of 25. It is caused from pieces of the lining of the womb which somehow turn up in the 'wrong' places - like in the ovaries or tubes.

These misplaced pieces of lining are often tender. Also, during your menses, they cause great pain and can also cause infertility.

Fortunately, there are very good treatments available these days. Your doctor will probably start by giving you some very strong painkillers. If those do not work, you can be treated with hormones. And there is also the possibility of surgery to remove the areas of endometriosis.

So I am sure you will be OK. For further information, just Google the word 'endometriosis'.


My new boyfriend wants a child, but I'm 45


Q I am a 45-year-old woman with a 21-year-old daughter. I have a new boyfriend and he wants a child.

What is your take on that, Doc?

A How old is your new boyfriend? And do you know if he is fertile?

Pregnancy at 45 is far from impossible, but it is a little uncommon. If your menses are still regular, you should ask a doctor to help you find out what your ovulation days are. You and your boyfriend should try to have frequent sex around those days.

If your periods are not regular, then ask your doctor if any treatment could make them regular for you. That should help your chances of conception. Good luck.


Did I give my wife an STI?


Q I recently went to Negril on business Doc, and while I was there, I regret to say that I had sex with a 'professional.' I now find that I have a yellow discharge.

Have I got an infection? And have I given it to my wife?

A Yes, I am sure you have some kind of sex infection, picked up from the woman in Negril.

And if you have had sex with your wife since you came back, she probably has it, too. This is a sad but quite common situation.

So both you and your wife must go and see a doctor who is experienced in dealing with sexually transmitted infections (STIs). I am afraid you have some explaining to do.


Could I be depressed?


Q Doc, I am a woman who thinks she may be suffering from depression and/or bipolar disorder.

I'm often scared, having suicidal thoughts, thinking no one loves me, feeling worthless, drained, angry. My boyfriend recently left me and I am having a very hard time getting over him. Nothing I can say or do can make him change his mind.

I am still terribly in love with him, and the fact that he no longer wants me has left me at the end of my rope. I love him dearly. Please help.

A Sorry to hear about this. You are clearly depressed, and 'up and down.' You must see a doctor and get some treatment, almost certainly with antidepressants. You may also need help from a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist.

I don't think you should try to contact your ex-boyfriend. And please, make no sudden decisions at all while you are in this vulnerable state. But see that doctor now!