Wed | Jul 18, 2018

Doctor's Advice | My fiancee wants oral sex- But I cant do it.

Published:Sunday | June 25, 2017 | 12:00 AM

Q I have just got engaged to a wonderful woman who, like me, is 28. Sex with her is fantastic, Doc. But we seem to disagree on the subject of cunnilingus. She is desperate for me to do it on her; she says that she finds it difficult to orgasm without it.

On the other hand, I really don't like the idea of 'going down' on a woman. I have never done it before, and I don't want to do it. Any solutions?

A first, let me say that I am not going to get into any arguments over that Equal Rights song!

But it seems to me that you and your fiancee hold diametrically opposed view on this matter. There is really nothing I can say that will change your viewpoint - or hers.

Unfortunately, I can see that this issue could be a big source of trouble between you two for many years to come. It is the type of thing that could ultimately lead to divorce.

Therefore, my best suggestion is that the two of you should call off your engagement for the time being. I don't think that you should continue with your marriage plans when there is such dissension between you.


Afraid of getting prostate cancer


Q Doctor, I am terrified of getting prostate cancer as my father died of it at the age of 55.

I am currently in good health, my sex life with my wife is excellent, and I do not have any bowel symptoms.

But I am worried about what could happen to me. I know that this disease is common in Jamaica. Please tell me what are the symptoms that I should look out for?

A Well, you are right, carcinoma (cancer) of the prostate is alarmingly common in Jamaica. Below I have listed the common symptoms that every man should know about. But first, a quick word of warning to male readers!

Many of the symptoms which I am about to describe are also features of benign (that is, non-cancerous) prostate enlargement. So if you have some of these symptoms do not panic, just go to your doctor and get a thorough check-up.

The main symptoms are:

• Frequent urination - getting up every hour or two during the night to urinate.

• A weak 'stream'.

• Dribbling.

• Sometimes painful urination.

• Having to rush to the bathroom to urinate.

• Blood in the urine.

• Blood in your 'man-fluid'.

I repeat, anyone who has one or more of those symptoms should check with a doctor. A blood test might be a very good idea.

In the late stages of prostate cancer, pain in the spine or hips may also be a feature.

Finally, sexual problems or bowel problems are not symptomatic of prostate cancer - the main system that is affected by prostate trouble is urinary.


Sex positions to increase chances of conception


Q Is there any sex position which increases the chances of conception, Doc? I am in my 30s and I feel that it is very urgent that I conceive soon.

A Women can conceive in any sexual position. But for most women, the chances are increased if they are lying on their back, with knees raised - and stay like that for a few minutes after your partner discharges. That gives the sperms a good chance of ascending into the womb.

However, the great American sex researcher Masters and Johnson pointed out that the many women who have a retroverted womb, stand a greater chance of conceiving if they have sex in a kneeling (face down) position - and, again, stay in that position for a few minutes afterwards.

If you do not know whether your womb is retroverted or not, ask a doctor to check you out.


Does shellfish increase virility?


Q Is it true that shellfish (e.g. lobster) can increase virility, Doc?

A No, I am afraid not. If you think that you are having problems with 'losing your nature', please talk to a doctor about it. When you go to see him or her, take a sample of your urine with you so it can be tested for diabetes.


Can my husband tell I had an affair?


Q My husband has been away in the Cayman Islands for a month and is due back next week. Unfortunately, during that time I cheated on him. It was just on one occasion and very briefly.

Is there any way he could tell that I have cheated, Doc?

A No, there is no way. But I urge you to consider two questions:

1. Could you have picked up an infection during this encounter?

2. Why did you do it? If it was because your marriage is in trouble, why not consult a counsellor?


I 'leak' whenever I dance


Q I am a woman who 'leaks' while dancing - particularly tap dancing - which I like to do. Why does this happen?

A You probably have a slight prolapse. This is especially likely if you have had children.

Pelvic exercises would help you, so would special incontinence pads and pants. Look these up on the Internet by typing in 'incontinence products'.

However, you really need to get an internal examination, preferably by a gynecologist - an operation may be necessary.


Should I tell my husband I masturbate?


Q When my husband is away on government business, I sometimes masturbate.

Should I tell him about this?

A Men vary a lot on their attitude towards female masturbation. Some disapprove of it strongly, and that is especially common in older men who have perhaps had a strict upbringing.

In contrast, quite a lot of men (particularly younger ones) are quite 'turned on' by the idea of women stimulating themselves. That is why so many pornographic sites are dedicated to the subject.

But we have no idea what your husband's viewpoint is. My advice - if possible, ask him casually during the course of a conversation how he feels about the topic. You could perhaps say that you've heard that millions of porn features that particular activity, and ask him if he has any idea why. Then see what he says.

If he reacts badly to the entire subject, than I feel that you should not reveal what you do when he is away.


Does breastfeeding act as a contraception?


Q I have just had a baby and I wonder if I could rely on breastfeeding to provide contraception?

A Breastfeeding does provide some protection against conception. This is because it tends to prevent women from ovulating.

However, it has to be very intense breast-feeding. This does not mean letting the baby suckle on most occasions during the day, and then giving him a bottle part of the time.

To achieve some serious reduction in fertility, you have to be a full-time breastfeeding mom.

In practice, the risk of an accidental pregnancy during breastfeeding is very high. So much so that doctors urge women who have just given birth to go on the mini-Pill while they are breastfeeding. This is a very good form of contraceptive, and unlike the ordinary Pill, it does not stop the flow of breast milk.