Dear Doc | Lusting after my neighbour's gardener
Q Doctor, I am a married woman and I am worried by the fact that I seem to have developed a passionate interest in younger men. Why is this?
I am 34 and my husband is 15 years older. We used to have a pretty good sex life, but in recent years it seems like he has grown less interested in me.
As a result, I have resorted to masturbating. This occurs mainly when I am alone at home during the day, but also after my husband falls asleep at night. He does not know about this.
I have been doing it for about five years. What happen is that I start thinking about handsome, young men - maybe from films or on television, then I start touching myself while imagining having sex with them. Sometimes after my first orgasm, I go on to have some more.
A worrying new development has occurred in recent weeks - I have started to think about a handsome, young gardener who works for my neighbour. I can often see him working in their garden and he is usually shirtless - he is in great shape!
I know I should not have sex with this young man, yet it is a very attractive thought.
But Doctor, do you think I could hurt myself with masturbating?
A Many years ago, doctors gave up trying to find any ill-effects caused by masturbation because there weren't any. So forget about it harming your health.
However, I don't think you are doing yourself any good by masturbating to erotic thoughts of the young man next door!
You see, there is a psychological phenomenon called 'imprinting'. I have mentioned it before. Psychologists say that it is very easy for a sexual image to get imprinted in the human mind, so that the person becomes obsessed with it.
This can happen in various circumstances, but it occurs particularly when a person keeps thinking about the same thing at the moment of climax. So if you go on like this, you may reach a point where you cannot get aroused or have an orgasm without thinking about young men.
It has to be admitted that quite a few women in their 30s or 40s develop a sexual interest in younger men. Maybe that is because they are trying to feel young again. But you really have taken things too far. Therefore, you have to try and break this obsession with younger men.
My advice to you would be to see a therapist or counsellor, or perhaps a helpful minister of religion. You need to spend a few hours with this professional, exploring why you feel the way you do.
Frankly, you and your husband also need some marriage counselling, if he would agree to that. It really doesn't sound as if this relationship is in good shape.
Finally, I do urge you not to have an affair with the young man working next door. This would only lead to trouble, probably for him as well as for you. So don't be tempted to invite him around for a cold drink or a cup of coffee.
Q Doc, I am a 36-year-old man and I am having some trouble with my erections. Is it true that a man can get some sort of injection which will make him have good erections? I would like to try that.
A: Well, there are erection-inducing jabs which doctors sometimes prescribe. They have to be injected directly into the penis before sex, which is not every man's cup of tea.
The idea is that you give yourself the jab, and with luck, 20 to 30 minutes later, you become erect. Then you are able to have sex with your partner.
This system works quite well for a lot of men who have 'lost their nature'. But you have to be very brave in order to give yourself the jab!
There are various injections which can produce this effect. Probably the best known is alprostadil (aka, Caverject). If you wish, you can look up 'alprostadil' on the Internet.
I have to say that most men prefer taking a tablet (such as Viagra) rather than stabbing themselves in the penis with a hypodermic needle!
Mini Pill after pregnancy
Q Doc, I just had a baby and they have put me on something called the mini Pill to stop me getting pregnant. But how long can I take this for? A year? What is it?
A The mini Pill is a much milder version of the ordinary Pill. It contains only one hormone instead of two. The advantage for new mothers is that unlike the Pill, it doesn't interfere with the supply of milk.
You can take it for as long as you like. Some women go on using it for years - or until they decide to have another baby. It is nearly as effective as the ordinary Pill.
But the one thing you must remember is that you have to take it every single day of the year. No breaks, please!
Trouble using condoms
Q Doctor, I have trouble using the condom. This is because I have a very long foreskin, and I just don't seem to be able to get it all in.
Is there any way I could buy slightly smaller condoms?
A Sure. Men don't like going into a shop and asking for small condoms. Naturally, that makes them feel embarrassed.
But if you search on the Internet for 'smaller condoms', you will immediately be offered nearly half a million choices. Note: be careful not to use condoms that are too small for you. These may be tight and uncomfortable. Also, they may split!
Finally, I must say that if your foreskin really is very long, and makes sex difficult, then probably you should do a circumcision operation.
How soon can you have sex after a hysterectomy?
Q I have just had a hysterectomy. How soon can I have sex with my husband? And, is it OK for me to have orgasms?
A I usually advise patients to postpone intercourse for about two months. However, if you are both getting frustrated, there is no reason why you shouldn't try 'love play'. It is quite OK for you to have orgasms.
Do I have a sexual infection?
Q Doc, I have to admit that in addition to my wife, I have a side chick in Clarendon.
Unfortunately, both women have suddenly developed a vaginal discharge!
Is this anything to do with me? Have I got an infection?
A Well, women can get vaginal discharge for all sorts of reasons, and often the discharge is not caused from an infection.
However, it's a little suspicious that both your partners have suddenly developed this symptom. I think you should do all you can to get them to see a doctor or go to a clinic and be tested for sexually transmitted infections. And you should get tested, too!
If any of the three of you tests positive, I guess everyone should be treated.