Dear Doc | I orgasm from just 'petting'
Q Doc, I am a regular male reader. I am now 40 years old and I have an issue with premature ejaculation. However, it is of a different nature than I have heard of before. Here are the main issues:
- I seem to climax before I even enter!
- I seem to climax by even petting.
- At night, there are times when I am having a fantasy, and I find that I can have an orgasm without actually having sex.
Now, I don't even want to guess what is wrong with me because I don't have a clue. I have done some research online, but I have not found anything like this.
What makes it worse is the ease with which I orgasm without having intercourse. This gives me cause for concern.
A I'm sure it does. Yours is the worst case of premature ejaculation (PE) that I have ever heard of, but the good news is that it can be treated.
Now, premature ejaculation is very common in young men. Recent European surveys have shown that it is also quite common in middle-age men as well, though very unusual.
If by any chance your PE started (or got worst) in recent years, then you should take a look at whether there are any psychological reasons. You could use the help of a therapist or a psychologist here.
Now let us look at what you can do. Here are my proposals:
You should get some Long Love condoms, and see if they will help. They have local anaesthetic inside, and this reduces the man's sexual sensations. You can buy them in some pharmacies, or if you prefer, you can just purchase them through the Internet. Just type in 'Long Love condoms', and you will be offered more than 500,000 results.
You should also go to a doctor as soon as possible, and ask him to prescribe some of the pills which delay male orgasm. These are mainly antidepressants, but they do have the useful effect of making it quite difficult to orgasm.
In addition, there is a tablet which was specially designed to treat premature ejaculation. It is called dapoxetine (also known by trade-names such as 'Priligy'). It works very much like the antidepressants, but the advantage of it is that the effects do not last very long, so there should be less chances of side effects.
But dapoxetine and other drugs are not an actual cure for PE. The idea is that you take one perhaps two hours before you plan to have sex, and that should 'slow you down'.
There is also the Masters-Johnson 'squeeze grip'. This can give a long-term solution to the problem of PE. The American researchers who invented it managed to cure 98 per cent of their patients. But I must stress that this is not an instant cure! It requires many months of careful training in order to succeed, and you need a willing and enthusiastic partner - I am not sure that you have one at the moment.
How does it work? As you approach your orgasm, your partner squeezes the penis at a specific spot using a finger technique. You will immediately lose the desire to climax. You can find out more about it on the Internet.
I cannot stress enough that unless you have a doctor or therapist who can instruct and supervise you and your partner over a period of time, then it is unlikely that you will succeed.
Nevertheless, I wish you well. Try to talk to a doctor this week about having some tablets prescribed. Good luck!
Heavy, irregular menstrual cycle during menopause
Q My menses are suddenly very heavy and irregular, Doc. Is this a normal part of menopause?
A No! A lot of people think that, but they are mistaken. At any age, heavy and irregular periods need urgent medical investigation. Please see a doctor, preferably a gynaecologist, this week if you can.
Sore feeling when I urinate after sexual intercourse
Q After energetic sex, why do I get a sore feeling when I urinate? Also, I usually go more often than usual.
A Well, this may just be due to slight bruising of the urinary pipe (the urethra), caused from repeated powerful thrusting of the penis against the front wall of the vagina.
However, in some cases these symptoms are actually caused by a urinary infection (what some call cystitis). In these cases, germs may have been introduced into the urethra and bladder during sex - particularly rough sex.
The next time it happens, you should go to a doctor as soon as possible, taking with you a specimen of urine in a sterile container (the doctor's office can let you have one of these little containers). The doctor will test it and, if necessary, give you an antibiotic.
Can alcohol affect my erections?
Q At the age of 32, I sometimes have difficulty with my erections. A doctor has suggested that this might be due to alcohol.
Is that really possible?
A Absolutely. Alcohol (contrary to what many think) is the enemy of erections. As Shakespeare said in one of his plays: "It provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance."
Have you heard the phrase 'Brewer's droop?' It is a semi-humorous term, indicating that too much drink will make the penis 'droop', rather than get firm.
Be warned by what the doctor has told you. In many men, a few cans of beer is enough to prevent an erection. And if the man continues drinking for a long period, the 'loss of nature' may become permanent.
Can too much sex harm my health?
Q My husband and I are both 33 years old, and to my surprise, after eight years of marriage we are still very keen on sex!
Sometimes we actually do it five-six times for the week, believe it or not. Will this harm his health? Or mine?
A No, it will not hurt either of you. You are a slightly unusual (and highly sexed) couple, but if you can both manage it, then carry on.
Desperate to conceive
Q I am desperate to get pregnant again, Doc, but my husband doesn't want this.
Would it be technically possible for me to scoop up some of his 'man-fluid' and put it inside me? Would that work?
A It would be technically possible, and I have known of women who have done it successfully. If you carried out this insemination at the time when you are ovulating, then there is quite a reasonable chance that you might succeed.
But is this fair to your husband? If he found out what you did, he might become very angry. I don't think what you plan is actually illegal, but I am not at all sure that it is right. If your husband ever found out what you have done, he might even be so mad as to consider getting a divorce.