Sun | Jan 21, 2018

Dear Doc | I'm a single mom about to lose my mind

Published:Sunday | December 31, 2017 | 12:00 AM

 

Q Doc, I am a single mom who is overly stressed and lonely at times. I work tirelessly six days a week, just to make ends meet so that my daughter isn't hungry. Her father offers little to no help, so I do not look to him for any assistance. I must say, however, that she is doing great in school, and I encourage her to continue doing her best.

All my siblings and my parents have migrated, and I am the only one here. I don't mind that, but at times, I really miss them, especially my mom. I have no friends, so I have no one to talk to and the guy I am dating is of no support so I keep to myself.

I am not happy. I don't even get intimate let alone have the thought because my mind is not content. Is there any suggestion you could recommend, Doc, to help me feel better?

A A pleasant day to you. Your situation is actually very common in Jamaica. Chronic fatigue, isolation and minimal social support can lead to depression, which seems to be what you are experiencing. It is in your best interest to seek the advice and support of a psychologist or certified counsellor before the problem escalates. There are many listed in the local yellow pages. The church in your community may also offer you this service.

Studies have shown that the longer one remains in a depressed state, the more difficult it is to recover, so seek counselling urgently. The brain is also 'malleable' even as an adult, so taking up a hobby, connecting with family and people in your environment, even when you don't 'feel' like it, creates different neural pathways in the brain which can improve your menta and emotional state.

Regarding child support, you may wish to consider visiting the family court for advice. All the best.

 

I do not trust my man

 

Q Dear Doc, I am 22 years old, and I am with a man who is almost 50. We have been together for almost two years. I love him and he knows this, but I am not sure if he loves me. My problem is that I do not trust him. There is this girl that he says is just a friend because she was there for him when he was in prison. This girl visits him, I am not sure how often but I know she does. He said that he is not with her, and we go over this like every month. Doc, I believe him and I don't believe, I am just confused. This girl has caused me to be so insecure with him. He knew her two years before me, he says that she knows about us. One night when he was sleeping, I went into his phone and saw a text from her. She also post on social media that she loves him. When I asked him about it, he says that it doesn't mean anything. Doc, please help me please.

A There are some things you need to take into consideration; this man is almost 30 years older than you are, so it is highly likely that you may have to take care of him in a few years if a long-term relationship is what you desire. Are you prepared for that?

Time spent in jail suggests that he has/had some serious problems, have you discussed this? Are you comfortable with the explanation given? Examine yourself to see if financial support is part of the reason you are involved with this man, if this is the case, then other problems will arise and taking steps each day to make yourself financially independent will expand your mind and give you more clarity.

You have a high level of distrust and insecurity which makes it impossible to have a healthy relationship until they are resolved. Have a heart-to-heart talk with your man. Lay your cards on the table, tell him what you want. Is he willing to comply with your expectations? Find out what he wants and decide if you agree to his terms. Best of luck.

deardoc@gleanerjm.com