Tue | Jan 15, 2019

Dear Doc | Best sex ever, how can I get him back?

Published:Sunday | February 18, 2018 | 12:00 AM

Q Dear Doc, I am a 38-year-old, single mom with a teenage daughter. I am in love with this man I met at a party on the north coast. We had sex and it was the best I've ever had. I climaxed around four times that night.

A few weeks later, a woman came to my house saying that he is her babyfather and I must leave him alone. She threw stones in my yard and one hit my car. I called his phone to ask him what was going on, but his battery died. I did not want to call the police, so a neighbour helped me calm her down. Since that happened I haven't seen him, and his phone goes to voice mail whenever I call. I find it hard to forget him because he is the only man who can make me climax. Doc, do you think I should go looking for him?

A Looking for him is a bad idea because he has a babymother who seems to still be attached to him, possibly intimately, based on her reaction. He does not visit or take your calls, which suggests that he does not want to be contacted. There seems to be nothing here for you to gain. This appears to be a dead-end road, it is best you take a U-turn and get off it.

Contrary to popular opinion, men are not in short supply, so enjoy your social life. Eventually, you may meet an unattached man who you can teach to be a good lover. Nobody has the right to tell you how to live your life, but bear in mind that you have a teenage daughter who is looking to you for guidance. For now, you are her moral compass. Always remember that unprotected sex with casual acquaintances puts one at significant risk of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted infections.


Weird lump on my vagina


Q Dear Doc, I am a 21-year-old female who is in a relationship. My problem is that I have a tall lump on the left jaw of my vagina. I had two of these, one on each side. When I touch it, part of it is harder than the rest. When I squeeze, it hurts. The rest of it feels like its shiny and soft, almost like an airbag.

The last time I squeezed it, it was 'ripe' and blood and puss came out. I was bathing in warm water with baking soda, and when I put the warm rag on it, then it went away. I also had a little foul smell, and my vaginal discharge (the natural one) was a bit heavier than normal. Now I shower in just cold water. Is it an STI or what? I am scared to go to my health centre.

A Good day to you. I must say you gave a very vivid description of what sounds like infection of the hair follicles, which has led to an abscess. Many women get this from shaving the area. It is also common in diabetics and persons with HIV. Though it does not fit the picture of a sexually transmitted infection, one cannot be ruled out. Have you discussed this with your partner? The health centres are there to serve the public. If you are uncomfortable going to your health centre, then go to one that may be a bit outside your area where you will find somebody who you are comfortable with.

In the meantime:

- Stop having sex.

- Stop shaving.

- Stop squeezing the lump (this can spread the infection).

- Wash the area daily (best before bed time) with a mild soap and clean rag, pat dry with another clean rag.

- Sleep without underwear.

- Wear only 100 per cent cotton underwear during the day.

- See a healthcare provider as soon as possible.


What causes irregular periods?


Q Dear Doc, I am 23 years old, and I have been seeing my period for almost three months straight. I went to my doctor last month, and he gave me a pack of birth control pills to stop it, and also some iron pills. But it came back heavier as soon as the pack was finished. Will I have to continue with the Pill? I do not want to as I want to get pregnant, and the pills make me feel bloated, sick and fat. Can you tell me what is causing the bleeding?

A The most common causes of abnormal bleeding through the vagina (in the scenario you described) in your age group are

Hormonal withdrawal bleed due to - improper use of oral contraceptives, abuse of emergency contraceptive pill, polycystic ovarian syndrome.

The best is to find out the cause of the bleeding. Perhaps blood tests and an ultrasound may be useful.


Foul smell coming from my penis


Q Dear Doc, I had sex with a girl last week and since then, a foul smell has been coming from my penis. I never had this kind of thing happen to me before, and my friends say it is gonorrhoea. Could this be the cause?

A Good day to you. Please don't sit there wondering what the cause is. Based on the description, you are in need of urgent medical attention. These signs are typical of gonorrhoea, but other organisms may be involved. See a doctor immediately. Remember that unprotected sex has the risk of you contracting HIV, so get tested at the appropriate time.


Uncontrollable itching after shaving


Q Dear Doctor, my husband is having a serious itch problem on the skin of his testicles, which has now thickened, and appears dry around the anus. This is after I had shaved him clean once - now he itches uncontrollably. He has been to doctor after doctor, including a dermatologist (once), but with no results. The final diagnosis is jock itch, but the treatments have not worked. He also has terrible after-shave bumps (hair bumps) on his face. Doc, can you lead us in the right direction for proper treatment?

A Pleasant day to you. So sorry to hear about your husband's plight. Most people who shave will eventually get these hair bumps, which are ingrown hairs. This is due to improper shaving technique. Hair should be shaved in the direction of hair growth not against it. Despite this, when the hair is cut below the skin, which is traumatised during shaving, it can change the direction of growth, most times curling under the skin. Bacteria and fungus can be introduced under the skin or within the hair root itself.

The best solution is not to be clean-shaved - use a clean scissors to trim instead. The hair bumps on his face can be removed by a dermatologist, after that he may need to grow a beard for a while to allow the skin to rejuvenate.

The same principle applies to the genital area. Excessive scratching of the skin introduces bacteria, causing scarring and the thickening you mentioned. Fungal infections such as jock itch takes a long time to heal, and one has to stick to the course of medication to have it resolved.

The first thing to do is to stop the itching to prevent the condition from getting worst. Topical antihistamines/steroid cream can help. A combination cream (antibacterial/ antifungal/steroid) may be best. Discontinue shaving and trim with small clean scissors instead. Washing underwear with mild soap, rinsing thoroughly and sun-drying is also helpful. Loose, cotton underwear and pants absorbs the sweat from the skin, which alleviates the condition.

Jock itch is more common in diabetics, so get him tested for this. Best of luck.