Sun | Feb 23, 2020

7 ways to break the bond with your child

Published:Sunday | June 9, 2019 | 12:06 AMLatara Boodie - Gleaner Writer

The most important bond you will create is the bond with your child. Having an open and honest relationship with them is crucial to their development. However, there are certain actions that will cause a strain on the relationship you have with your child, such as oversharing, comparing, and expecting them to fulfil your desires instead of theirs. Here are seven actions that could prevent you from bonding with your child.

1. Removing all obstacles

Removing all obstacles in your child’s way won’t help them achieve success. Doing everything for your child or making everything too easy, may hold your child back. Children need to learn to move forward. Their brains need to be internally processing the situation. It is better to offer guidance when necessary.

2. Oversharing

There is such a thing as too much information. Most children (from pre-teen to teenagers) are not only concerned about their parents oversharing online, but can be embarrassed and frustrated too. Regarding personal data, consulting your child before sharing the intimate details of their life is important.

3. Giving Them Easy Wins

When children are little, we let them win a game every once in a while, but they shouldn’t win all the time. Not everyone deserves a trophy just for showing up. When we allow our children to fail, we teach them about resilience.

4. Hovering

Overseeing every aspect of your child’s life makes it impossible for them to become independent, make decisions, and function on their own. Parents who hover tend to have a negative impact on young adults’ mental health, including indirect effects on anxiety, depression, and life satisfaction.

5. Rescuing Too Often

Not letting children fail impedes their development. Coming to the rescue each time a child fails, removes the need for them to solve problems on their own. That’s not to say we shouldn’t teach them, [but] they shouldn’t expect a parent to smooth things over all of the time.

6. Measuring By Unfair Standards

Steer clear of any sentiments along the lines of, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” Comparing your child to their siblings creates a strain between them. Teach your child to value himself/herself as an individual.

7. Expecting Them to Fulfil You

Don’t rely on your kids to achieve your dreams. If you had hoped to become a doctor, lawyer or Indian chief, don’t expect that your offspring will want the same for themselves. They have their own dreams, which should be valued.