Coming out...A case study in sexual abuse

TWO YEARS ago, a Ewarton mother sent her 15 year old son to a neighbour's shop to buy charcoal. He returned over an hour and a half later, shaken and ashamed, claiming that a 39 year old married woman had accosted him and stuck her tongue down his throat.

Today at 17,Jerome still lives with the memory, and though nightmares of the woman's raucous laugh and brash approach have somewhat faded, he re-lives the scene every time an older woman approaches him.

There was a time when Stella was just a name, and 'Sizzler' was an Entertainer. Today, Stellas are menopausal women who prey on pre-pubescent teen boys and Sizzlers are the prime young flesh they target to cool them down.

And Jerome has had his fair share of older women, from teachers, to old women on medicare, he claims that they are attracted to his innocent good looks and friendliness.

"They always tell me that I'm hard to resist, that they'd leave their husbands for me...," he said.

He is currently dating a 21 year-old, and having phone sex with a 26 year-old married woman.

"I met her(the married woman) at a cultural expo," he said. "I thought she had nice breasts, she wasn't bad looking, and seemed to be a nice person. I approached her, asked her for her number, she gave it to me. That night I called her I asked her if she was alone, she was with her husband. She told me that there was no problem and asked me to take her to lunch."

She has been telling him about her sex life, asking him about his and giving him advice on how to improve ever since.

It has happened with his teachers too.

"There was a teacher who loved me so much. She treated me well, lauding my work and continually hugged me. There were benefits, I was elected editor of my school paper, got top positions in class and had lots of girlfriends."

Though this sounds like every young man's dream, there are consequences. "Sometimes I appreciate the attention, sometimes I don't. I find myself gravitating towards older women, and I think that I should be doing what the adults are doing because girls my age don't show the same amount of interest."

Sadly, many teenage boys are the target of this subtle form of sexual abuse. While it is not recognised as much of a social problem, it can have lasting effects.

"I dont think it's right but it will always happen," Jerome said.

"I was young and couldn't control myself, it was and still is a big issue and most times it's kept secret. I wouldn't tell anyone else about it because I wouldn't want to hurt anybody's feelings."

He echoes what he thinks is the silent cry of many boys his age.

"The thing is, I know many boys who this happens to. I wouldn't want this to happen to my child, because although boys love what women do to them, it's a bit traumatising, and though it is arousing for an older woman to approach you, its just like sexual abuse." Name changed on request.

Petulia Clarke.

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