Amina Blackwood meeksAND ONE more thing, Mr. Cable and Wireless, Sir, I had a long time with my friend, Miss Lady, up close and personal. Yu see, in spite of how busy and hectic life gets she is one very old-fashioned Jamaican who do not believe in dis Merican ting bout visiting somebody via phone. She meck time to really keep in touch, roun a mug of hot chaklata an a hot heavy piece a pone wid two riddle a kick up rumpuss.
But still in all she said she was very excited and nearly moved to tears the first time she saw that lovely ad yu put on the television. Is a ad or a little made-for-teevee-movie? The cast was as large as it was talented. And the Tourist Board could use clips of it to market how we countryside still so beautiful. Anyway, she say ascordin to when yu put it out, it come in to har like just what the doctor ordered. People living just like when she was a chile, helping one another and keeping in touch just to find out how one another doing. Now when she settled down to really enjoy the thing, baps, yu come wid de news that you would be providing minimised assistance at maximum cost for the keeping in touch business.
She say, if she did not know better she would say you attempted to brain wash har, try to meck body enjoy de music while yu manipulate har hand to pay the piper in de hope that her spirit was not awake. Is a good ting she learned to be peeping when others believe that she sleeping. For she was wondering how much such a ting cost an wid all de cry yu crying bout diminished finances she was wondering who was going to pay. Well, she open har eye just in time fe see Master Jack come to colleck but only you alone gone to the bank. She was not amused. But yu is a good businessman so she kean really blame you if you find a way to meck Jamaicans pay you to tell dem what dem dun know about how dem use to be.
But look here now, she is asking you please not to give us any more gifts because it is too costly. So do not teach we any more words for de whole heap of money and long-term commitment you want on account of the allegation dat you cause dis country to learn how likkle deggeh-deggeh words is an abomination and a downright insult.
She say dat she kean even remember de almanac what har age come offa and during har lifetime she learn and forget more phrases in our ever changing vernacular dan Missa Cassidy cudda eva learn to spell. And she cannot remember one time hearing somebody say dat any of dose words come about as a result of dem diligent paternity. So she is very vex and very bugged that you are claiming responsibility for the birth of 'cellie' and 'circular'. She recognise dat maybe she should be thankful that the Registrar-General Department could hold you up as a good father role model figure. The Coalition for Better Parenting may well need you. Maybe all next year you will get the Father's Incorporated Father of the Year Award. But on top of that you want the children to pay for that which you have sired. And yu running full-page colour ads for de world to know.
Look here now. She say like how every cultural ting what born in Jamaica find its way to foreign shores and foreigners love to hip-hop it around, she hope you have a plan to get them to pay up for the pleasure of sharing into the use of said words. What a ting if is dem create it an we copy! Is how would you get them to pay? That wudda come in like if we teck something illegally off dem cable and we would have to stop using it without due licence. She say right dere is cause enough dat you should stop trying to get us to pay so you could advertise to tell us how good yu bin to us. For if is fe dem word and yu transmit it and give we. Wen dem dun wid yu coaxle cable yu cudden even afford de jack. Is den yu name wud gane abroad an yu really win de Olympics in World Talk. We would really see how two likkle words could be so costly.
But like how it cost less to talk international, if we find out say is international words, you would have to do the honourable thing and reduce back the cost and stop de ads.
And one more ting again, why every ting to sell have to sell wid a seductive homan? Is where yu find Digita? So now she is here to entice we fe stay wid yu forever? If de whole ting is so straightforward why we have to be seduced into it? A straight presentation of the facts would not do? Or there is no straight way of presenting what you understand to be the facts? What are the facts anyway? More tings in de dis-agreement to ketch we an de Minista by surprise? Please she begging yu, no more gifts for which we have to pay.
She say as bad as the road is where she is living, and inasmuch as she would be very thankful for a donkey to help her negotiate the arthritis up the hill, if she ever see you coming with one, you being a nice corporate citizen and all, when she think of the story of de Wooden Horse of Troy, she could not co-operate in receiving same from you.
Amina Blackwood Meeks is a communications specialist.
