Dear Pastor,
Greetings in the name of Jesus. This is the first time I am writing to you but I have been reading your column since I was a little girl. Please keep up the good work. You are a great help to us young people. Some of my friends say that you are fiesty, but we love you very much.
I am in my late teens and I have a boyfriend, but my father does not want me to have anything to do with boys. My boyfriend is a deejay and sometimes I have to steal away to go out with him. Many times I lie and tell my father that I am going to my mother to spend the weekend. My mother does not have a telephone and my father and my mother do not get along at all. My father trusts me, so he would not believe that I am not at my mother.
My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in January. That was my first experience. It was very hot. I slept with him again in March. He wants me to have a child for him but I am afraid because I want to go to college and become a teacher. Some of my friends are telling me that my boyfriend has many girls but whenever I go to his house I do not see any sign that any girl had been there. I asked him if he has another girlfriend and he told me no. He said I am his only girlfriend and he is a one woman man.
The thing is he gives me money, but I save it. I can't buy clothes or jewellery with the money because my father would question me where I got these things. My boyfriend wants me to come and live with him but father always warned me not to go and live with a man. I love my boyfriend very much.
Please tell me if I should go and live with him. Do you think he loves me?
O.W., St. Catherine
Dear O.W.,
You seem to have a good and caring father. Perhaps he is afraid that you would get pregnant, so he is discouraging you from having a boyfriend. Too bad that both of you can't reason together. You are old enough to tell him that you would love to go out with someone he feels that he can trust. It is regrettable that you have to lie when you want to see the man who is interested in you. What an awful shock it would be to your father if you were to become ill while you are at your boyfriend's house or some other place your father did not expect you to be?
I would like to suggest to you that you tell your father that you are interested in a young man and that you would like to introduce him to him. He may surprise you and agree to meet the guy. You see, intelligent fathers know that their daughters must grow up and become interested in the opposite sex. Yes, many are too eager to establish relationships and to engage in sex and as a result they make big mistakes. But it is something that all fathers should be prepared to face, and indeed should look forward to seeing their daughters establishing wholesome relationships. So don't hide the relationship you are having with this young man. Tell your father about it.
It is unwise to lie to your father about going to see your mother when you know that it is your boyfriend's home you are going to spend weekends. You are not prepared for a child, so don't allow your boyfriend to force you to get pregnant. You need a good education, so concentrate on that.
Pastor
Depressed about abortions
Dear Pastor,
Greetings to you and your staff. I am having a serious problem. I became pregnant last year and I had an abortion because the boy who got me pregnant held me down and had sex with me. And I did not want a child. I borrowed the money from friends and had the abortion. Then I got pregnant again, but this time it was my boyfriend who got me pregnant. I couldn't let my mother know because she is trying her best to support us. So I went back to the doctor and had another abortion.
I feel confused. Every time I think about what I did, especially the second abortion, I cry. People in my area know that I had an abortion because I became ill. I feel ashamed. They are saying I throw away a pickney. Please pray for me.
Initials Withheld,
Kingston
Dear ..,
I am sorry to know that you were raped and that you became pregnant. You should have reported the rapist the very day of the incident. You suffered at the hands of a criminal and he should not have escaped the weight of the law.
You were careless the second time. If you believe that you should have sex, you should protect yourself from pregnancy. Many women who terminate pregnancies suffer emotionally and psychologically for many years. I do not believe that women should be encouraged to have abortions on demand. However, I am not prepared to condemn any woman who has terminated a pregnancy. It is not for me to condemn anybody.
I would encourage you to seek therapy. You need a counsellor in whom you can confide, and you need to spill your guts, so to speak, to him or her. I believe that you could receive peace of mind, but it would not come overnight. Get down on your knees and ask God to help you. Please call a counsellor and make an appointment to see him or her.
Pastor.
