Dear Pastor,
I am a young and confused teenaged girl. Ever since I was growing up I have always had lots of boyfriends, mainly because I am cute. Well, now that I am 16 years old I have a whole host of boys that could actually make up a basketball team. Most of them are on drugs. The other day I got punched in the nose by one of them. He did so because he saw me talking to another guy, and to make matters worse when I got home my mother beat me with her church shoes.
I got suspended from school because I was caught smoking. I am very confused. I even aborted two kids already. The first was in a banana walk in the country. The second was when I visited a tourist sight in St. Ann.
Can you tell me what is a reservoir? My last boyfriend told me that he would never return to my reservoir. He said that shortly after we had sex. I even fell in love with my mathematics teacher. Therefore, I never had time to concentrate on my school work. I can only wash coloured clothes. I am begging for your fatherly advice.
D., St. Mary.
Dear D.,
In the first place this young man you described as your last boyfriend and with whom you had sex, was trying to diss you. He knows that you have played around with many men and it is indeed unfortunate that he consider you to be somewhat whorish. That is why he talks about reservoir.
You see, these fellows would do everything to have sex with any girl, especially when they consider them to be very easy to get. You have not set very high standards and so you have got mixed up in drugs etc.
I believe that you are beautiful, but you need guidance. I do not know how your mother expects that beating you with her church shoes will make you moral. I am sorry she did that. Perhaps she is frustrated, but beating a 16-year-old girl would not solve her problem. I would like to urge you to think about yourself and your future. You have already aborted two pregnancies. You will never forget that you did them.
You need to come to realise that God has you here for a purpose and you can become a great blessing to others if you put your life in God's hand. So I want to encourage you to ask God to turn your life around. I am not suggesting that you stop talking to boys. What I am asking you to do is to stop allowing them to toy with your body. You have made mistakes, but do not allow your mistakes to haunt you. Go to church. Become acquainted with Christian young people. Give your life over solely to God. Do Bible reading every day and pray. My prayer is that you would experience the new birth and that you would become a powerful witness for Christ.
The men who got you pregnant have committed wickedness because you were under 16 years old and therefore could not consent to their sexual advances. They could have been arrested. They took advantage of you.
Ask a minister of religion to help you find a school. Don't give up on school. You are young and you need an education. Tell your mother you are sorry for causing her trouble and you want to be a better person. Beg her to help you. Write me again and tell me what is happening to you and what progress you made, if any. I will be praying for you.
Marriage life in misery
Dear Pastor,
I have come to realise that my husband has been having a few affairs. He writes or calls his women on the telephone and tells them all kinds of lies about me. Then they in turn call me all kinds of nasty names. He acts like all is well between the both of us. The Lord was good to allow me to find out. My husband would steal my money and use it to buy gifts for his women. He does not give me gifts. The things my husband does makes me wonder what is love. Does he really know what love is?
We have children together and instead of giving me money to support them he would buy things for his sweethearts and their children. His relatives got involved in our marriage. He would tell them things and they would give him advice. His sweethearts would tell him to leave me. They are also married or have children, but that does not make any difference to them.
Sometimes I feel like taking my life, but because of my children and relatives I do not. You know what hurts: this man and I started life with nothing and you should see what we now have. God has blessed us, but to me there is no happiness and I do not know why. If I should ask him why he is doing all of this he would say, what am I doing? I would try talking to him but it doesn't make any difference. I am just talking to myself. I am really tired of crying. I keep praying to God for help and I know He is going to help me.
This is not the same man I married many years ago. I don't know why he has changed and he will not say anything. He will not tell me what is wrong. This makes me very depressed and unhappy because I have no one to talk to. Everyone thinks I have a perfect or wonderful marriage. They think my husband is so wonderful. All he is doing is fooling everyone. He used to be such a family person, but all of a sudden he has changed.
Things were not great for about five years or so, but now it is bad and I mean bad. He goes out at nights, stays out late and do not tell me anything. I do not know what to do. My parents think my life is so wonderful and I can't tell them it is not.
Keep up the good work you are doing. I look forward to your reply.
...New York, U.S.A.
Dear...,
Evidently your husband is not very happy at home or with you. But he is not talking. And this is going on for a very long time. Why do you keep it to yourself? According to you, he has other women and he tells them stories about you. You can't understand why he has changed.
You live in New York, madam, and there are professionals everywhere who would be willing to meet with you and your husband. I therefore suggest that you contact one of them. Many ministers of religion are trained counsellors. You should seek their help. Don't you go to church? Ask your pastor to meet with the both of you. In the meantime, be faithful to your husband. Do not give him up. Don't give your parents the wrong impression. They should know that both of you are not doing well and that you are very unhappy. Perhaps they would offer you some suggestions.
Pastor.
