Dear Pastor,
I am a teacher living abroad. I have had many bad experiences. When I was a child my father sexually molested me. It took me a really long time to get over it. One of my cousins did the same thing. I have forgiven them but I can't forget what happened. After my mother found out about what happened, she filed for a divorce.
My mother and I are not getting along very well. I came to Jamaica and met a young man. He was a wonderful and caring person, but after he got used to me he changed. After three weeks of dating I told him that I would move in with him. He was working out of town and only came home on weekends. He asked one of my girlfriends to stay with me and she did.
While he was away working, he met another woman and got involved with her. He brought this woman to our house, but I was not there. When I got home I found him drunk. He told me that the woman was his baby mother. I got really crazy and asked him why he didn't tell me about her before. I left him. He kept begging me to return. I went back after three months.
We went out one night and when we returned he beat me. Another time he beat me in front of everybody on the road. The last time he beat me he stabbed me four times, but the Lord was watching over me. The doctor told me I am fortunate to be alive. While we were in the hospital, he told me not to tell the doctor who did it, so I didn't.
Before I left Jamaica I met another man. He wants us to get together, but I am scared and confused. I don't know what to do. If I stay with the man who beat me, he will kill me, if I leave him, he will kill me faster. I love the new guy and he told me he is prepared for anything.
I sincerely need your help. You are my last hope.
Initials Withheld.
Dear ...,
I regret hearing that you were sexually molested by your father and one of your cousins. Your father and cousin have behaved like wild beasts. One can understand why your mother divorced your father after she became aware that he was sexually molesting you. She should have gone a step further. She should have had him arrested, tried and sent to prison. Your cousin should have also felt the weight of the law.
The experiences that you have had with the man who beat you and stabbed you may also have caused you to distrust all men. On the other hand, with the help of God you can become wiser as you grow up and as you try to establish a good relationship with a man. You should seek the help of a psychologist. The man who stabbed you has taken advantage of you. You loved him so you kept quiet but he too should have been arrested and tried in court. He had no right whatsoever to beat you and cut you up.
Right now you should cool it with guys until you have had therapy. Tell this new guy to wait until you have gained a little more confidence in yourself. Don't be afraid of the threats from this other man. Whenever you are in Jamaica and he threatens you, report him to the police. Take my suggestion seriously, go for counselling. Talk to a psychologist.
Pastor.
Praying for a baby
Dear Pastor,
I have been living with a man since I was in my teens.
We had a good relationship and two years ago my boyfriend proposed to me and I accepted. He told me that he did not want to run around so he would like us to start a family.
I have been to many doctors and was told that my tubes are blocked. I really need a child. Please pray that I may get pregnant. I am not a Christian but I attend church and soon I will be married. We have our own home. All we need now is a child, so pray that will happen very soon.
J., Manchester.
Dear J.,
Follow the advice of your doctor. You have been to many doctors. Perhaps you just need to relax now and wait on time. If your man really loves you, he will marry you even if you do not get pregnant as quickly as he wants.
What he is trying to say is that having a child now is the criteria for getting married and if that is what he is really saying, he has not yet grown up.
Think about it. Don't you believe that a man is out of order if he believes the primary contribution a woman could make in this world is to have children? That is what your man is saying. So if you cannot get pregnant, you can't be his wife. Let me put it to you straight. Most women would like to have children, but there are thousands of women who have never become pregnant but are better mothers than those who have given birth.
I wish this man would marry you whether or not you become pregnant. If he truly loves you, he would. In the meantime, look to the Lord in prayer.
Pastor.
Christianity, sex
and marriage
Dear Pastor,
I am a young Christian, but I have a girlfriend and we have been having sex from the time we met. We have a child together. We are planning to get married, but we don't have the money as yet.
We would like to know if it is a sin for us to have oral sex. The feeling to do it is very strong. Some people say it is wrong. What do you say?
A., St. Andrew.
Dear A.,
I am glad to hear that you have become a Christian. If you are serious about your Christian life and you are truly in love with your girlfriend, you can plan a private ceremony. You do not have to have a big wedding.
Concerning the matter of oral sex, I don't condone, encourage or condemn in this matter. That is solely up to the couple. Why not ask your minister about it when you go for counselling? During premarital counselling discuss everything concerning sex and marriage.
Pastor.
Frustrated that her man doesn't want sex
Dear Pastor,
I am twenty three years of age and have been living with a man for over four years. It is very hard and I cannot understand him. This man and I just sleep like that in bed and he doesn't have sex with me. It was not always like that. I don't know if he has other women. I don't hear anything about any other woman. I don't accuse him of having other women. Whenever I ask him to have sex with me, he says he is tired.
Sometimes I have to masturbate in front of him to show him that I really want to have sex. It is not that he is impotent, I know that for sure. I asked him why he is punishing me and he said he is not ready and he is tired. He is fifty one years old. Please tell me what to do.
B., Trelawny.
Dear B.,
I do not know for sure why this man is not having sex with you. He says he is tired. You say he is not impotent. What has caused the change in him? It wasn't always like that. Maybe he has come to realise that he cannot keep up with you. You are less than half his age.
I am not here saying that a man should not take unto himself a woman who is much younger, but he has to bear in mind that when he has gone way over the hill she will still be ready for action. But this man is not way over the hill. He may be up the hill, but not over.
Why don't you ask him if he wants the relationship to continue? He may be trying to tell you that you should leave him and find somebody else. I don't know for sure. Why not question him along that line?
Pastor.
