Dr. Jennifer Keane-DawesME dear mam, when me was a lilly pickney an see church people a walk pass we yard inna white. A knock drum an tambourine fe go dung a river go baptise. Me always wonder if some a dem neva fraid dem drown, de way dem wicked. Cause believe you me, missis all when some a dem a knock de said tambourine. Wid de turban siddung pon dem head top like Kapo. A dem dat, still a cuss de smady weh wouldn't straighten up de line. An all de cuss dem a cuss, dem neva pay bad mine to de riss weh dem out fe run wid dem life under Massa Gad river bottom.
Plus, after nuff a dem baptise, is like dem come back up from under de water wid de seben debil inna hell tan up inna dem. Suh after couple day a holiness, dem back to square one. A beg Massa Gad figiveness fe de heap a dutty bad wud weh dem compulsory had was fe tell a bicycle man das broadside dem wid de bicycle hangle dung a market dis mawning.
Suh my dear lady, as me seh, when me was a lilly pickney, me did well know how dis baptising bisniss go. Wid some a dem mek all six an seven trip dung a river. An dis at de happinted time when dem mek up dem mine seh dis ya baptism a de last, a de said day parson him decide fe bring dung sadam an gamara an throw wud pon a certain backsliding hypocrite weh live a house wid smady an nuh married. When him done know seh de reason why she baptise was fe see if she coulda change de man. Not fe mention de next set weh mek yu know seh dem stop drink beer outta all bottle. Suh if y'a gi dem little, puty inna glass. Yu get me?
Said way like how some a we nuh eat pork. But we eat ham. Or we a vegetarian but gi we little more a da meat gravy. Wid substance.
Well missis ma, back to me an de baptism. De other day me deh a foreign an stan up inna de same kine a line like de people dem me dis done tell yu bout, a wait pon fe me turn fe parson baptise me. Cause since me decide seh me a go serve Massa Gad good an done, me a go try a ting. But missis, believe you me, when me stan up in front a da water, all kine a thought begin fe fly roun me head like when maskita come dung pon yu as night come.
Thought number one: "Suppose yu drown?"
Thought number two: "Me seh, suppose yu drown?"
Thought number three: "Jennifa, me seh, suppose yu drown?"
An missis, by de time me shif me head an tell Satan seh get thee hence an nuh badda me bearings dis Satideh mawning, a him dat again, wid thought number four: "Suppose yu slip outta da man deh han an lick yu head back? Yu think a penny farden fe ship yu back a yard?"
An my dear lady, before thought number five coulda tell me fe cry excuse an tell everybady fe gwone do weh dem a do, me soon come. Parson gi me one duck! An mek me two aise cawk up wid water. Massy! Well a after me box de aise dem ova an ova, das dem clear up dis in time fe me hear him seh him baptise me in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Well, me come outta de water an look roun. An nutten weh me bless yeye pon neva change. Like de light bill weh me did a walk roun wid from week. An some a de said smady dem weh galang like dem betta dan people. Well a dat deh time now me mine flash back pon de people dem weh always a get baptise an thought number six come to me.
"Nuh mine me pickney, yu cyaan change de world. But try yu best fe change yuself."
Tek care!
Dr. Jennifer Keane-Dawes is a communications professor and a talk show host in the University of North Carolina system.
