Dear Pastor,
I am in my thirties and living abroad. I met a young lady two years ago. She is in her twenties.
I fell in love with her and we started a relationship. She told me what school she attended and where she was working. One day she told me that she was interested in going back to school to further her studies so she could get a better job.
I started sending her money on a regular basis to pay her school fees. Things seemed to be going well and we planned to get married this year. Since I am not living on the island I trusted her to take care of business, so I sent her money to make preparations. I kept calling to make sure things were alright and she gave me the assurance that everything was alright.
Unfortunately, I came for the wedding and she did not turn up. I called her house and the person who answered kept telling me she was not available. So I decided to go to her house.
When I arrived at her house it was raining, and I was told she was not there. I waited for a while. Suddenly she appeared from out of nowhere and started telling me she went around her friends to pick up some books. But when I looked at her shoes it was too dry for a rainy day. Even if she had flown, her shoes would still be wet because the rain was still dewing.
All I wanted to know was why she allowed me to send my money like that preparing for a wedding and sending her to school when she knew she didn't mean it. She said it was two of her friends who told her not to marry me because I am not a good person.
A week after that she told me that she wanted to continue the relationship. Well, we still correspond and she keeps asking for money. A few times I sent it because I still love her, but I have stopped. But she keeps asking me. This woman doesn't want to see me. She always find all sort of excuses for not seeing me, yet she is telling me everything is o.k. and she wants to continue the relationship.
Let me tell you the truth, I am deeply hurt that I have been thinking of every possible way I can hurt this woman. Sometimes I think of killing her because she wasted my time and money and a lot of opportunities. I can remember one day somebody introduced me to a nice young lady and I turned it down telling the person I was getting married soon. I even told a lot of people about my wedding and today I am ashamed. I feel like I would kill her and do something terrible to myself.
Many of these people abroad do not know that I am not married. They think I am a married man. I don't know how to tell them because I am so ashamed. My whole life is in misery. I don't know what to do. This woman claims she loves and wants to marry me next year. Can you please tell me what to do. I hope you may understand what I am going through. I need your help.
N., U.S.A.
Dear N.,
It is time for you to close that chapter of your life. Keep your money in your pocket. You shouldn't spend another cent on this woman. You shouldn't even write to her. Only if you are a big fool you would continue with this woman. She has conned you.
You made a mistake. You should have told your friends that the wedding was off. You shouldn't have given them the impression that you got married. Look around my friend. There must be another woman you can make your wife.
Pastor
Policeman fetish
Dear Pastor,
If I am talking to a man and he is not a policeman, I don't feel happy. My relatives and friends always tell me that policemen are users and they don't give women money.
I am always telling them that not all of them are like that. I am not the type of girl who is easy. A lot of men told me that I am very hard, but I like that. I don't want them to say I am easy to get.
Right now he is away on vacation and I am fretting because he has a girlfriend there. I am fretting that he is going to marry her. I love him very much. Even if he doesn't give me any money, I still love him. I don't love him for what he has. I just have strong feelings for him.
He uses a condom each time we are having sex. He said he doesn't like it. He asked me if I am taking the pills and I told him no and he said that is why he uses a condom.
Before he went away there was another policeman who works in the same office. He is always looking at me. One day he came and introduced himself to me. Another day he saw me talking to another policeman and he took my name to my boyfriend and told him that we are friends. I know that he was the one who talked, but I have not said anything to him. He is the one who is looking me.
They transferred him to another police station which is nearer to me. He came to visit me one day but he did not see me. He returned the next day. While we were talking he told me that I should leave my policeman. I told him no because I love him and I am not leaving him.
The taxi I take to go home is near to the police station. He called me over and while we were talking he told me to let us go around the back and talk. When I realised it, he was taking me into his bedroom. While we were there he demanded sex. I decided that I was not going to give him. Things got out of control and it happened. He said that he didn't have to use a condom and I told him he had to use one. So he used it.
After that he didn't come and look for me. Every time I call him he tells me he is coming to see me and all now he has not turned up. To tell you the truth, I feel so ashamed. I feel terrible. In the nights when I reflect on what happened, I just break down and cry. I feel so used and cheap. I await your fatherly advice.
M.B., St. Thomas.
Dear M.B.,
You said that you are not easy, but it seems to me from what you have written that you are very easy.
Here you are talking your foolishness. I say that because as soon as the man turned his back, you allowed another policeman who was always after you to capture you and to have sex with you.
You are talking about how things got out of hand. If you did not want to have sex with him, you would have made noise, but you wanted him. So much so that you insisted that he use a condom. You did not put up a fight. I don't know who you are trying to fool.
Tell me now, what are you going to tell your man when he returns? The policeman who told you to come around the back and took you into his room is going to laugh at his colleague because he had his way with his woman. Now that he has had sex with you, he doesn't call you. He got what he wanted. He doesn't want to associate himself further with you. He doesn't see you as an intelligent woman. He just wanted a piece of the action, and he got it.
Seriously speaking, young lady, you are not thinking straight. The man who has gone abroad has his woman there. You have said that he may even get married to her. Think. Your relationship with him is not going to get anywhere. He too would never marry you. I suggest therefore that you stop bragging about yourself and exercise some common sense.
Pastor
