Dear Pastor,
I am the mother of two children and I am in my early 20s. When I was growing up I was sexually abused. My mother knew the man who was doing it, but she did nothing to stop it because the man was supporting her.
When I was in my early teens I got pregnant by a man who was in his 60s but I was also having sex with a younger guy. So when I got pregnant I was not sure which one of the men was responsible.
When I gave birth the younger guy told me that the baby was not his, but that did not bother me because the older man was supporting me and the baby. He did not know that I was having sex with another man.
I continued to have sex with the man who was in his 60s although I was feeling guilty about it. One day I went to his house to visit his relative. She is a very good friend of mine. He asked me to have sex with him. I did it because I did not have any money and that was the only way I was going to get money from him. After I had sex with him, he got me pregnant again.
He lost his job, so I decided to take the younger man to court. He told the judge that the child is not his. The judge said he should do a blood test. When the results came back, it proved that the child is not his. I was very ashamed and I cried. The older man could be my grandfather. I am confused. I do not know what to do.
My children's father (the older man) is having an affair with another woman. This woman sleeps with him one night per week and he told me that he does not use a condom. And sometimes I sleep with him. This man is now 70 years old. He is not helping me much with the children. He is only giving me a few hundred dollars every week. He gives the married woman all his money.
My first child is going to school and I am having it very hard. I have to be borrowing and I am in a lot of debt now. I need a job. I don't want to tell my friend that her grandfather is my children's father
Initials and parish withheld,
Dear ...,
I don't know why you did such a wicked thing. Why did you take the young man to court for child support? You knew that he is not the father of any of the children. You should not have done that. And I am glad that the young man was not compelled by the court to support the children.
I am not condemning you. I just want to say that it is not right for any woman to do that and the reason why I have decided to publish this letter is to show the world that so often men are blamed for things they have not done. Too many men are given 'jackets'.
This man who is the biological father should be ashamed of himself. He knows that the two children you have were fathered by him. Therefore, he should support them. If indeed he is having an affair with a married woman and she is getting all his money, while his children are suffering, he is a fool.
You say that he is not using any condom when he is having sex with this woman. You are continuing to have sex with him, is he using a condom with you? When he was in his 60s he got you pregnant. Now he is 70-years-old. One of your children is going to school and the other has not yet started. If you are not careful, he will get you pregnant again. Is that what you want?
You should talk to this man about making a will. Your children should be on that will. I don't know if he has property, but they should not be left to suffer because of his carelessness. He is strong but anything can happen to him. I hope and pray that you protect yourself and seek the interest of your children.
This 70-year-old man is hot like fire. But if he is not paying much attention to you and is giving most of his money to this married woman, she has something over you. You would be wise to keep away from him. In other words, let him support his children, but you try your very best to get a job and support yourself.
Pastor
Inmate claims he is innocent
Dear Pastor,
I am writing this letter from a correctional institution. My parents migrated in 1986, so I have been here from that time. However, I do manage to go home often. I am writing for your advice.
I have been sent to this forsaken place for something I did not do. The authorities charged me for child abuse. I told them what happened the night I kept my baby girl and how she got the injuries, but they did not believe me. The doctor claimed the injuries were intentional and couldn't happen the way I explained.
It happened in May of 1998. I mostly kept my daughter on my day off from work. She was a little over five weeks old at the time. However, she and I were on my waterbed when I noticed a tow truck entering my home.
I panicked at the thought of the man taking away my car and I tried to get up from the bed grabbing the edge. I slipped and fell on the baby. I was frightened so I picked her up and ran outside to talk to the man. He said the bank sent him to get the car because I did not send in my payment. I told him that it was not true because I had my receipt in the car.
Rushing to show him the proof, I tripped falling against the car with my baby still in my arms. Like I told the authorities, I was scared at the thought of losing my car because I had no other transportation. Both of my jobs were out of town and my child's mother lives in another town about 30 miles from my home.
I really needed to get to and from my job because I made good money at both of them. As far as supporting my youth and maintaining my bills, if I lost the jobs I would lose everything. I tried over and over to reason with the authorities, but they would not listen to me.
Now I sit in a prison away from my baby girl. I can't do anything for her. I can't support her financially, physically or emotionally. That is why I am about to go crazy because since she was born I have been there for her. When I was not at work, I was there with both of them.
Her mother and I are not intimate anymore, but we are close friends. I have told her that if she finds someone else I will still provide for them and she will never have to fret about child support. But there is much more to bringing up a child.
My child means so much to me. She is my first born. Not being in her life is killing me. I know I can't stay in prison forever and soon we will be together. So much damage has been done. I am thrown out of my daughter's life. The court has put a label on me. I don't think these wounds will ever heal. There is so much hurt, pain, anger and hate. How can I forgive these people for destroying my life, my fatherhood, my sanity?
If I don't win my appeal I may be in here for another 28 months. That is far too long to be out of my daughter's life. I am now fretting that she won't know me when I do see her again. These people made me cut my dreadlocks and shave. I don't want her to visit me in a place like this. I don't know how much more I can take.
Since I have been here it is a lot of pressure on my baby mother. She is working now, but she does not get paid until the end of the month. When I was there, I sent her money every week for the baby and herself. Her telephone is cut off and we can't talk and I can't talk to my daughter.
My daughter is my motivation and inspiration to try to cooperate with the authorities to get released. And there is a greater strength backing that, but many times I feel like rebelling against these people due to the fact that I did nothing wrong to be here. It is hard, so hard.
Please tell me what I should do. Until you get the chance to respond, I ask that you please remember me in your prayers.
C., Bristol, Florida
Dear C.,
Are you saying that there is no justice in Florida? If you have spoken the truth, why are you in prison?
Surely, the report from the doctor should have helped to clear you and to prevent you from going to prison. I am not calling you a liar, but I find it strange that you are there because the authorities have lied on you.
Could it not be that you were negligent and when you realized that your car would have been taken away, you were more interested in saving your car than protecting your daughter? I am talking about at that moment.
I believe that you love your daughter. I hope you have a good lawyer. I can assure you of my prayers. I would urge you to be on your best behaviour. Don't rebel against the authorities. Time goes by quickly. You will soon be out of prison even if you lose the appeal.
Pastor
