ME DEAR mam, me deh a foreign de other day a reflect pon how, when me come a yard inna Christmus gone, Jamaica mek big statistics pon news how, we a de number one eater a bully beef inna de wul wide world. An how, sake a dat, government haffi now huppen dem yeye wide fe mek sure seh foreign people nuh pass dem ness an grind up nuh mad cow, wid nuh mad cow disease, an sen come a yard fe go mek dung to de Honorable Prime Minister jump poco.
Well missis, when me hear de news bout how we love de bully beef suh we haffi tikya. Me seh to meself seh anybaddy who nuh know de role a bully beef inna yardie Dutch pot, nuh bawn yet. Das why, as me did tell yu one long time. Dis man did lef yard, come a foreign, g'a supermarket an neva si nuh bully beef.
An after him look an look an couldn't fine it. Him go ask de cashier weh de position. If nuh bully beef not here. Well, after de poor cashier neva know seh 'bully beef' out of a yardie mouth an 'corned beef' a de said ting. She announce ova har microphone fe smady roun a back mek bully beef come to de front desk. Well, after couple checking an re-checking, one eediat did come from roun a back wid de news seh it nuh look like Missa Beef come a work yet. Well, me nuh know if yardie did kiss him teet an fling dung back de five poun a counter flour cause me neva ask.
Suh my dear lady, fram me a pickney a grow, me know seh bully beef a serious ting a yard. Yu nuh memba seh das all when yard did hab de heap a violence when people did swear seh we did a go ketch Communism under Comrade Leader. Das one a de straw das bruck de camel back an mek people gi up dem good job an run weh come a foreign come pump gas. Was when dem g'a supermarket an couldn't get nuh bully beef an corn flakes? Yu nuh memba?
Yu nuh memba de heap a wailing an gnashing a teet when people begin fe holler how tings bad. Cause not even a tin a bully beef deh outta John shop? An yu memba how Missa Manley did haffi quick run go happint Voluntary Price Inspector fe go een a de supermarket dem an force dem fe put out de bully beef pon de shelf? Why? Cause a nuh lilly smady did want de said bully beef fe put wid stretch rice. Or wid dumpling. Or wid broad bean. Not fe mention wid macaroni an nuff onion an pepper. Or between two good slice a hardo bread an butter.
My dear lady, yu see when me was a lilly pickney an people from all bout decide fe run boat? Massy. Two tings did haffi deh pon spot. Flour an meat kine. Whether it be salt fish. Chicken back. Mackerel. Bully beef or couple a dem blinkin pidgin weh always a tun pestilence fram ova da yard deh. But tiddeh dem a go fine out wah gad dem a serve.
An missis, anybaddy who know how boat run understand seh everyman fe bring something to de pot. But missis, fram de intention fe run de boat announce, yu always hab some lazy or mean smady oneside who gi out seh dem cyaan wait till fire ketch up. But as soon as de boat about fe lan, a dem dat. Lean up same place wid all kine a compliments fe how de dumpling dem hold up dem shape. An missis, fram dem
huppen dem mout, a de chef dat. Fuss bex. "Nuh rat passage! We nuh hab nuh rat passage pon dis ya boat ya. All who did book a ticket come dis way wid oonoo plate an mug cause not even pot water a go fling ova board tiddeh!"
Suh my dear lady, me glad how government tek up dis mad cow disease in han fass fass. Cause seet deh?
De wul worl now know seh bully beef a we staple.
Tek care!
Jennifer Keane-Dawes is a communications professor and a talk show host in the University of North Carolina system.
