Dear Pastor,
I am 19 years old and having a problem with my boyfriend who is 23. We have been together for three years and nine months. I love him with all my heart but I feel that he does not love me again. He is the first man I have ever gone to bed with.
Last December I was in the hospital because of him. He had another girl with me. I went to his house and saw her. I was looking at her and she asked why I was looking at her. I told her it was my eyes and we started to fight. People came and separated us. She then stabbed me in my side. I was suffering from internal bleeding. I was admitted in the hospital and had minor surgery. He came to visit me the Sunday. I was in the hospital from the Wednesday. He told me he only knew her for a couple of months and it was over between them.
We continued to be intimate friends. I became pregnant but I lost the baby because I was stressed out and I never got any rest. I do not know what is wrong with him. Last Sunday I went to his house and he didn't talk to me. He is a moody person. All I want him to know is that I love him and I would never stop loving him. I will do anything for him. Sometimes I feel like giving up whenever we have a fight.
I wish we would get married, go to church and have children. When I ask him if he is going to get me pregnant again, he said that he doesn't like to hear the name children. He said he loves me, but I don't see it. He treats me like rubbish, but no matter what, I still love him.
Please give me your fatherly advice.
M.M., St. Andrew
Dear M.M.,
You are not using common sense. This man does not treat you well, but you are hanging on. Both of you are always fighting, but you want to have a child for him. You could have been killed by one of his girlfriends. You are nineteen years old. You are not a kid. You should come to realise that you are wasting your time. This man does not respect you and he considers that you are trash.
You would love him to marry you, but he is not going to do that. It would take courage to walk away from him. But I suggest you do just that. A good relationship is not only based on love. People who are interested in each other care and respect each other. This man does not care for you. Walk away, young girl, walk away.
Pastor.
Rekindling an old flame - but he has another woman, child
Dear Pastor,
I am a 27-year-old female. When I was about 11 years old I fell in love with a guy because he took good care of me back then. He took my virginity. After a while my parents moved away from that district.
When I graduated from high school I met another guy and he got me pregnant. I moved back to my old district and I became intimate again with my first boyfriend. I found out that he was living with another woman and they have a child together.
He comes to my home every night and every day and he is supporting my daughter and me. I am still in love with him, but I do not know what to do. Please give me your fatherly advice.
M., St. Ann
Dear M.,
"Old firestick easy to catch". That is what we are told by wise folks. This man and you were friends for many years. You did everything as if you were married, and then your parents and you moved. You got involved with somebody else and as a result you became a mother. It is not surprising that this man developed a relationship with another woman. Perhaps he thought that you would never come back, and that the love you had for him had died.
It seems unfair for you to disrupt the life of the woman with whom your old boyfriend has established a relationship. You may think that it is no big thing because he was your first lover. However, it is a big thing. And what you are going to do is bring unhappiness to this woman and to her child. You should go and seek a job. You should not encourage this man at your home. That is wrong.
You were able to do without him for many years. You did not die without his help. You would not die now from wants. Don't be greedy. Don't bring grief to the other woman and her child. Bad eye water will affect you. Don't you know what I mean? If you don't, ask the old people in your district what that means.
Pastor.
Dark past - Boyfriend unsure of her faithfulness
Dear Pastor,
I am 18 years old. I started having a boyfriend from I was attending all-age school. But the problem was that he broke up with me several times for other girls. I loved him no matter what. He used to have a girlfriend and when I saw them together I always laughed at the girl. But she didn't want to argue with me. I was seeking all the attraction I could get from him and now I got him back from the other girl.
I used to keep a lot of men. I was also involved with six of his brothers and cousins just for him to see me. I also had oral sex with other men. Sometimes I think I am mentally ill and that I am sex crazy.
Now, I told him that I am pregnant with his child, he beats me and told me that I am pregnant for someone else because I used to have other men with him. His mother doesn't like me and she is trying to separate us. She cursed me and talked a lot of bad things about me. But I am holding on to him no matter what. I used to run around.
People have told me that they see him talking to his ex-girlfriend. Please give me your advice. He doesn't give me any money. He only wants to have sex with me. He doesn't even know how I wear panty.
A.S., Portland
Dear A.S.,
I am glad that you have stopped running around. Your boyfriend is not sure about that. Perhaps he feels that you are still sexually involved with other men. He is not sure that you are carrying his child. Perhaps that is why he beats you up. He probably feels that some other man got you pregnant and you are trying to give him a jacket.
You have been promiscuous, but I take your word that all that has come to an end. His mother is aware that you have played around with other men, so she finds it difficult to accept you into her family. Face it, you have played around with your boyfriend's brothers and cousins and everybody knows that you are easy to get. Which mother would be happy to know that her son got you pregnant?
I could only wish you well. I hope that the young man would assist you as you prepare for your baby. If he refuses to do so, you may turn to your relatives for help. Please do not get in any argument with any of your boyfriend's female friends. You need to go to church. You need to learn to pray and make it a habit of reading your Bible every day.
Pastor.
