Jennifer Keane-Dawes, Contributor
ME dear mam, de other day me siddung a yard a listen to two people pon de TV a talk bout weh dem nuh like bout dem one anneda. One seh she neva like how she an de said fren did go rent dis apartment, but when she tek a stock, de fren bring een bwoy fren fe lib inna de said lilly apartment widout even zinc fe rent. An she go on fe seh how de whole ting stress har out. Because mawning, noon an night, a de man dat. Siddung off inna de one lilly living room like him deh pon duty.
Well, de judge ask him, de fren bwoy fren, if him did tek into consideration seh him shoulda pay part a de rent. Well, him seh not really. Because him did dis get discharge from asylum an him had was fe siddung fe couple months an settle him nerves.
Well, de gal fren she seh she neva like de attitude a de roommate because she did tell har from up front seh de bwoy fren did a get offa him head an she neva hab nuh weh else fe put him.
But missis, yu si dis ting of libing wid smady an trying fe mek dem know plain an straight what an what yu doan like? Is not a easy ting fe hangle yu nuh. Cause my dear lady, is a ting me personally use to suffer wid when me was a pickney. So much so das ebry day me used to beg Massa Gad fe do.
Mikase an mek me grow big.
Mek me tell yu weh me neva used to like, das used to cause me fe shoob up me mout an walk slow hoping seh de smady weh me bawn come si meself a lib wid woulda ketch de rake. Me neva like season rice. Suh nuh matter how much ackee an pumpkin an salt fish dem claims seh put inna it, me still neva want it. Cause weh de meat? A dat deh question deh me couldn't get nubaddy fe answer. When ebry lib long mawning me haffi a full fowl pan a water.
Suh dat be de case, weh dis ya plate a yellow rice weh dem pile up in front a me fah? Me nuh smady? Like de one smady weh dem mek sure save back piece a meat from yessideh an put side a fe him season rice cause a him alone haffi a drive de big ole JOS bus? Suh me nuh smady to? Me nuh human beent wid blood a run through fe me vein?
Awright. But after me force an eaty. Wid me yeye full a water de way me feel it. Like smady weh dis get telegram seh smady a country dead. De next evening me come from school, praise gad, is de right kine a dinner me come buck up pon. Meat an dumpling an banana. But missis, when me look inna de plate, a de banana dem dat. Line off like four soldier roun de dumpling das smady well cut up like calaloo. Wid no way now fe me fe fine out if a did two, one. Or piece a piece weh deh pon smady else plate.
Suh yu nuh si seh smady did out fe tess me fate? Yu nuh si seh dat deh smady hard fe lib wid? Suh yu si when night come an me dis done seh "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us?" A me dat. Liddung pon me back wid me two yeye up inna de ceiling. An a ask de ceiling ova an ova: "Why dem neva did dis gi me white rice an rat pizen an get rid a me once an for all? Or wah mek dem neva did dis carry me g'a Spanish Town alms house an book me? Instead a fe bring me come inna de worl an mek me a suffa suh? Eeh Massa Gad? When dem done dem a kin teet wid people a fence an a tell dem tanks. When de said people tell dem how me a grow nice. But a just through de people dem nuh know seh a just by de grace a Massa Gad lilly breath inna me baddy why me a grow. But wait man, me soon drap dung one a dem fine day. An den everybaddy a go know what is what."
Suh my dear lady, me sympathise wid de ooman when she seh she couldn't really lib inna de place wid de next ooman an har mad bwoyfren. Cause if me neva did know how fe tan up strang, when me lib a dis certain smady place.
Season rice widout meat. An cut up dumpling widout permission, is a ting weh did nayly mad me.
Tek care!
P.S. If yu si me madda anyweh, please tell har seh me seh howdy.
Dr. Jennifer Keane-Dawes is a communications professor and a talk show host in the University of North Carolina System.
