Angela Thame and daughter Briana love to play the nose game. - Carlington Wilmot
By Barbara Ellington,
Flair Co-ordinator
BARBARA WALTERS, celebrated journalist, did it, talkshow host Rosie O'Donnell did it, anchorwoman Connie Chung did it, actress Nicole Kidman also did it.
And here in Jamaica, there is a growing trend as many independent, influential career women are making the decision to adopt.
There was a time in Jamaica when adoption was frowned on by many women. It was just not done, but times are changing.
With time on their biological clock running out, many women are no longer waiting to find Mr. Right, they are getting along with their life and that includes motherhood.
THE DESIRE TO BE A MOTHER
BECAME SO STRONG
In Angela Thame's case, "a burning desire just overcame me. My career was always the focal point of my life and when I was ready to have a baby it was too late. The desire to be a mother at times became so strong, sometimes one almost felt like one could snatch a child off the streets," she said when Flair visited for a chat about her decision to adopt.
She believes she did the right thing. At two years and three months, her daughter Briana is the picture of happiness and mom says she has no regrets.
"It's a pleasure to come home to her and to see this miracle of her growing daily. It turns your life around."
Once she had made the decision it took six months from the first serious inquiries to get the baby home. Although she had to go through the Adoption Board, Thame engaged the services of Creative Adoptions, a private agency headed by Philipa Street-Collings, that handles international adoptions.
This organisation is licensed by the US and based in Maryland, USA with an office in Jamaica.
"They made the process easier and guided and counselled me all the way. It can be traumatic," Thame says, recalling tense moments when Briana's birth mother wanted to meet her before finally giving up the four-month-old baby.
"She just wanted my reassurance and I'm glad we met to discuss the baby's medical history and other details."
The day she picked up Briana is vividly imprinted in her mind. She wondered what the baby would look like, whether they would bond but, "as soon as I saw those eyes, it was enough for me, the eyes got to me. And now, she's my little joy."
Running a public relations company keeps her busy, still Thame says she has learnt to manage her time.
Of course there are changes and loss of friends but she's made new ones. "This brings you closer to other parents, you communicate more with each other and you finally understand why mothers think their child is the best and brightest in the world."
But the proud mom thinks the mothers who give up their children are the real heroes. "I'd prefer them to do that than abandon or kill the child."
Since the adoption, Mother's Day has new meaning for Thame who unhesitatingly recommends it to women who, cannot bear their own children.
"HE'S SUCH A JOY," SAYS SANDRA SHIRLEY OF HER ADOPTED SON
The name Sandra Shirley is synonymous with Sigma Investment Management Systems Limited. Adopting a child was the last thing many expected Shirley, Sigma's Managing Director, to do. But it was always at the back of her mind.
"My late father was old-fashioned and he believed single women should not do it because in his words, "it brands you and people who don't know will think you've led a loose life."
But having discussed it seriously with friends, one day a call came that there was an opportunity. But there was a catch, she only had 24 hours to think about it. If she didn't take the new born infant, he'd end up in a facility.
She had concerns. Was the baby normal, it wasn't the girl she would've preferred. However, she thought of the plight of young boys in Jamaica who grow up without the kind of opportunity she could offer and suddenly gender didn't matter so much any more.
Now Sandra's son is under 10 (name withheld to protect his privacy) and he's "such a joy." The word joy surfaced with each interview.
"My Little sweetie pie is the sweetest sweetie pie in the world, I have no regrets," said the obviously proud mom.
Shirley went through the Adoption Board and the entire process took 10 months. She told Flair that she wouldn't adopt another child now. "....perhaps if I were younger and married."
She said one has to be fair to the children involved. In her case, everyone including her mother thought she was crazy. "My lifestyle didn't suggest that there was time for a child but we're doing well, the adjustment was good and he's very bright."
Shirley thinks it's a pity that more women don't do it because those who can, have so much to offer. "If you're unable to have children give it some thought. We have the capacity to love if we're willing to give of ourselves."
Creative Adoptions
Philipa Street-Collings is the Executive Director of Creative Adoptions. The agency is based in Maryland, USA, with offices in Russia and Jamaica.
Since its founding in 1990, Creative Adoptions has helped 800 families worldwide. The company specialise in international adoption services and is accredited in the US and other countries.
In Russia, Creative Adoptions is one of 40 agencies to again be accredited. There are more than 200 agencies working there.
The Jamaican-born returning resident provides support services and counselling locally for prospective adoptive parents who must make applications through the Adoption Board. The local agency which falls under the Ministry of Health is the sole authority for approval of adoptions under Jamaican law.
"My concept is alien to Jamaica because unlike other such agencies worldwide, we are not allowed to assist with the identification of children for adoption," Street-Collings told Flair.
Families can identify children privately and Creative Adoptions will guide them through the procedure.
Street-Collings began her career as a mental health therapist and earned her degrees at Yale and New York Universities. She was the executive director of a group practise that provided therapy services to families and children prior to being asked to assist with the assessment of adoptive families.
In 1987, she became the director of the agency she worked for and then moved on to setting up Creative Adoptions. She has a staff of four full time and seven part-time contractual social workers.
"The best thing about it is the interest of the child. I believe children should be raised by their birth families in their birth countries wherever possible. Every child has the right to be parented in a permanent, loving and caring family as opposed to an institution or temporary placement," said the mother of a 14-year-old daughter.
Her job gives her some of the most demanding, stressful and anxiety providing moments but it's most rewarding when you find forever families for the children, she said. She recommends adoption to families that can't have them biologically. "It can be extremely rewarding and will help eradicate poverty."
Although adoption can be intense, it is good to see joy in all concerned and watch the children grow and develop. Some countries require that agencies like Creative Adoptions maintain contact for up to three years after adoption. Creative Adoptions holds an annual picnic in Maryland when all the families meet.
There are trans-racial and trans-cultural problems to be overcome but over 40 Jamaican children have been placed with families overseas. In all except one case, one or both parents were Jamaican.
COST INVOLVED
Costs for support services range from US$500.00 to US$22,000.00 including airfares and accommodation. Fees payable, depend on the country of origin and the services required. In some cases costs are equal to or less than those involved when a mother goes through the pregnancy and delivery process.
