Found another but heart is with former boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am a 17-year-old girl and attending a prominent high school in St. Mary. I am a Christian. I have a boyfriend and he is also a Christian. We love each other very much.

I am thinking about telling him that the friendship between us should end because I cannot deal with the things that are happening in my life.

There is a girl who keeps sending messages to me saying that I should leave her man alone, and that my boyfriend told her he does not want me.

She told people that my boyfriend said the only reason he is talking to me is because I am having sex with him. I am really confused because I have never had sex with him.

I asked my boyfriend about her and the things she said. He told me that I should not believe what I heard. I believed him at that time but then I started to distrust him. Sometimes when I remember the good times both of us had together tears roll down my cheeks.

During the month of May I met another guy who is 19 years old. He is very nice to me. I hang out with him and my friends a lot just to take the problems off my mind. I do not love him intimately. He is only a good friend.

My true love is with my original boyfriend but he is cheating on me and he is a liar. So I am leaving him to do what he wants to do. Someday he will realize that we belong together.

Please give me your fatherly advice.

- S.H., St. Mary

Dear S.H.,

You cannot prove that this guy has told the other girl who sent messages to you that he does not love you, and that he is only with you because he can have sex with you. The girl might be lying and saying these things to get you upset and for you to end the friendship with your boyfriend.

I believe that she is in love with him. Time would tell whether or not your boy-friend is having an intimate relationship with her. In the meantime, try to keep cool.

Do not do or say anything that would cause your boyfriend to think that you do not believe him. At the same time, walk carefully.

Observe what this man is doing. While you do not want him to think that you do not believe him, you do not want to be a puppet.

The love that you have for him should remain in your heart until the right time comes and until you are very sure of him.

- Pastor

She loves him in spite of his behaviour

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and a regular reader of your column. I urgently need your advice. I have been talking to this guy who is 21 years old. We have been friends since I was 15 years old. He took my virginity when I was 16.

Everything was going well until a 24-year-old woman came to live on the same road he is living and he became friends with her. She uses the money that her boyfriend gives to her to buy brand-name clothes for my boyfriend.

When he started to talk to her, people told me about them but I wanted to prove for myself whether they were going together.

One day this woman called me. She told me that she did not care about whether my boyfriend and I were lovers before she came into the picture. She also told me that she has come to take over and if my boyfriend does not beat her, that means he does not love her. So my boyfriend beat her up and told her to leave me alone.

When I found out that my boyfriend was still having a relationship with her, I stopped talking to him for over a year. Finally, he came to my home and begged me to forgive him. I forgave him because I love him.

During the year that we were not going together he had a relationship with another girl. This girl has a baby and she says that he is the father. I told him that I do not want to see him again. He didn't tell me anything about the child. He said he only found out that he is the father of the child when the girl came to his house to show the baby to him. And when he found out he did not know how to tell me.

This girl is not the type of girl that he should have. He is not having a relationship with her but he has admitted that the child is his. He is very sorry for what has happened. He cried a lot over the problem.

Please tell me what to do. I love him very much. Keep up the good work.

- G.W., Kingston

Dear G.W.,

Please encourage this man to support his child. Whether you are willing to continue the relationship or not is totally up to you. You seem to believe everything he says.

It seems to me that what he has told you were his reasons for not informing you that he had fathered a child can only be described as nonsense. However, you are in love with him, and as a result you cannot think straight. I wish you well.

- Pastor

Teacher 36, in love with 16-y-o student

Dear Pastor,

I am a 16-year-old fifth former. I am doing well in school. I am also a prefect. I have a boyfriend who is also a fifth former. I really like him. He told me that he has never cheated on me. His friends call him Mr. Faithful. He wants to have sex with me but I do not want to lose my virginity as yet. So he has decided to wait.

The problem is that my 36-year-old teacher has fallen in love with me. This is his first year teaching in Jamaica at my school. It all started when we went to lunch one afternoon. He told me that he has strong feelings for me and he cannot think straight when I am in his class, and how much he wants us to be together. After that, he kept holding my hands. He also told me that he wants to make love to me and that he is a great lover.

While we were talking one afternoon, he told me to close my eyes and imagine what it would be like kissing him. He then kissed my lips and started kissing me all over my neck and shoulders. It felt so good I did not want him to stop but I had to stop him because I did not want to lose control.

We are living in the same neighbourhood and he has a six-year-old son. He is also living with a woman. And she would do anything for him. I am trying to tell him that I cannot see him anymore but I can't. I am falling for him so badly.

I love my boyfriend and he loves me. I feel so guilty when I am around him knowing that I am also with his teacher. I am wondering which of them I should dismiss. I am thinking that I should dismiss my boyfriend because he has been getting on my nerves lately. Maybe he senses something. If I decide to choose my teacher I would probably get into some serious trouble in more ways than one. I don't want to be caught up in any tough situation.

This situation is making me sick. Please help me to figure out the best situation to my problem.

-Confused, Manchester

Dear Confused,

In the first place your 36-year-old teacher ought not to be engaged in any form of petting with you, a 16-year-old female student. He is out of order and should be reported to the principal of the school. He should not be telling you that he is a great lover and that he wants to make love to you.

This man should not be teaching school. And I must warn you that if you continue to allow him to toy with you he will indeed have his way with you and probably move on to another victim. If we were to publish the letter in the form it was written, everybody would know who the teacher is. We have deleted some things that you have mentioned. We hope that he will desist from pursuing you for sex etc.

You are a schoolgirl and your boyfriend likes you. Why are you now talking about dismissing him? We know why. Suddenly your 36-year-old teacher has excited you. He has more experience than your boyfriend and he knows what to do to make you feel irie. So you feel now that you are on cloud nine.

If you don't put this teacher in his place he will use you and you will regret what you have done because he is not going to think highly of you after he has had his way with you. For your own good, say no to your teacher and tell him that he is playing with trouble.

This is Jamaica and parents who have made sacrifices to send their girl children to school to be educated do not expect male teachers to do anything in their power to go to bed with them.

Do not go back to lunch with this man. And if he continues to harass you, report him to the principal. - Pastor

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