On credentials

Jennifer Keane-Dawes, Contributor

ME dear mam, de other day me deh a foreign a read de Gleaner when me buck up Missa P.J. pon de front page a mek declaration to John Public seh nayga people fe stop fass inna him bisniss. Cause, seh weh dem waan fe seh bout him, a one ting dem cyaan seh an is dat him is de kine a man weh deal inna de funniness. Well, me straighten out de paper said time. An wid me yeye fasten pon him mout huppen an bringle same way, me galang read how him continue fe cuss an mek dem know plain an straight seh him is a man weh love an know de use a ooman kine. An dat if anybaddy hab any doubt, him hab de credentials fe prove it.

Massy. Suh after me done read, me fowl up back de paper an begin ask meself, really an truly, a wah mek nayga people, especially fe wi own, a wah mek wi fass suh. For missis, between mi, yu an de door post, a nuh now dem a mel roun de man. Fe wah, me nuh know. An if dem hab de proof, wah mek de one weh dem claim him put question to. Wah mek da smady deh nuh dis come straight out an seh "Si mi ya! Tunda roll an bruck me neck if a lie me a tell. Him put question to mi at such an such a place. At such an such a time." Yu get mi? Suh den now, all argiment woulda done. But den again a guess not. Cause knowing how liad mout haparate, somebaddy woulda deh oneside fe seh das a nuh come de smady coudn't come forward. But de night after de question put an de man rail up an seh "Cum out ya before a fling hot oil an spread yu weh like flittas!" Gunman dis walk een an shoot him inna him piece a underpants said way.

Well my dear lady, me glad Missa PJ buss out everything cause a time enough. Cause as simple as yu tek it, liad mout is a ting weh can mash up people reputation. For a de said way nuff a dem love plan an explain people bisniss. Suh tek for example two young smady inna de church run go married.

Hear fassie now: "Yes man, a who dem tink dem a fool? License get now man, suh all prayer meeten done!"

Case # 2. Girlie an Ivan married inna de lass part a lass year an Girlie tek een fe have baby yessideh.

Fassie # 1 to Fassie de Fifth: "Wait, me nuh hear seh Girlie have baby? A wah kine?"

Fassie de Fifth: "Y'a ask a wah kine? Me a ask yu if yu tink a Ivan pickney. A nuh Ivan pickney yu nuh. Cause me sure know seh a inna April dem meet. An now a wah? May, June, July August, September. Sinting inna sinting."

An den again, if de people dem along an nuh baby naw bawn, de quickest ting fe come out a fassie mout is either how it look like de ooman a mule or de man nuh hab a gad use. Not fe mention de nice young gal dem weh up an dung pon university campus wid book.

But when dem buck up pon a bad mine fassie, de fuss ting dem hear is: "Suh missis, yu nuh tired fe g'a school? Yu naw plan fe married?" An a de said way again, if de man ketch a certain age an neither married nor hab pickney, de fuss remarks is dat him gone de other way.

Suh missis, when Missa PJ talk how him hab credentials fe prove seh him nuh funny, me seh to meself seh him neva seh a betta ting. Cause me an yu know de value a credentials. If yu nuh hab it, yu nuh hab nuh argiment. Das why when Mass Ran an Miss Lou did a go someweh or de other an cow block de way. Mass Ran had was fe draw fe credentials an holler to smady fe "show de bull de documents" suh dem coulda pass.

Come back again, Oliver Samuels did tell smady inna pantomine how dem face tough like Common Entrance exam. An every pickney inna Ward Theater get de point same time.

Seh credentials a nuh easy sinting fe get. Suh me seh all dis fe seh lef de man bisniss. Cause some a de biggest chi chi man dem a yard a de said one dem weh married wid six pickney an dis celebrate dem Silver Wedden anniversary.

Tek care!

Dr. Jennifer Keane Dawes is a communications professor and a talk show host in the University of North Carolina system.

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